Hi everyone, I used to post here a lot when my DS was little but now he's 8 and I'm back for some help!
I recently got remarried. My DP is from another country where kids are expected to show unconditional respect to their parents, always do what their told, etc. Of course most kids are hit a lot and DP has agreed we won't do that but he seems to see my own way of parenting as not effective because DS does talk back, etc.
Tonight we were driving and DS farted. DP reminded him to say "excuse me" but he denied farting. DP told him that if he doesn't tell the truth he will become a "bad child." I started shaking my head and DP asked me why. I told him I don't think it's good to label a child as "bad" even if it's just a warning, that it's the action that's bad, not the person.
We talked about it some more later and basically we disagree about labeling a person "bad" in general. Eventually I said, "let's agree to disagree, but please don't say that to DS again." He said, "Fine, he's not my child." I said, "I don't think any child should be told that." And he said, "I think it's okay to warn a child that s/he will become bad if his/her actions are bad." We haven't spoken to each other for the last hour.
So, there are two problems here:
1. how to get him on board with gentle discipline. We would like to have a child together within the next couple of years but I don't think I can if he's going to talk to our child this way.
2. how to get him to see DS as "his" child without letting him talk to him inappropriately.
I would love ideas about either one or both!