"Raising your spirited child"...anyone read it? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 08-05-2010, 11:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Somebody please help me.

The last three paragraphs here pretty much sum it up.....

http://www.parentchildhelp.com/Spiri...1/Default.aspx

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The dreadful days are another story. On those days you’re not sure you can face another twenty-four hours with him. It’s hard to feel good as a parent when you can’t even get his socks on, when every word you’ve said to him has been a reprimand, when the innocent act of serving tuna casserole instead of the expected tacos incites a riot, when you realize you’ve left more public places in a huff with your child in five years than most parents do in a lifetime.

You feel weary, drained, and much too old for this even if you were only in your twenties when your child was born. It’s hard to love a kid who keeps you up at night and embarrasses you in shopping centers.

On the bad days being the parent of a spirited child is confusing, frustrating, taxing, challenging, and guilt inducing. You may wonder if you are the only parent with a kid like this, scared of what is to come in the teen years if you don’t figure out what to do now, in the early years.
Im at a loss as to what to do. If I had a sister cross country Id put DD on a plane one way. Im going bonkers. Nothing Ive done works and Im silently raging. I cant take it. Im laying in bed crying at my computer because I feel like the worst parent in the world. Do I really not like my own kid? I grew up with a mother who didnt like me, it sucked. Im scarred from it. Sometimes I wonder if she'd be better off with someone better equipped to handle her. I was not raised GD or AP by any means,, and my gut reaction when shes being "herself" is I want to take my fists to her She pushes all my buttons all day long and when I dont have a speck of patience left DP comes home tired and wanting to relax and DD just pushes all his buttons. I feel like 98% of her waking life has been a battle. I give up. I dont know what to do. I dont want to fight anymore. I just want a peaceful home life. DP and I fight more about DD and discipline more than everything else combined. I cant take the yelling, screaming, tantruming, whining, crying, crazy stressfull environment. Im so overwhelmed! Do you know how awesome it is around here when she's with a grandparent for a day? Its incredible. and it hardly ever happens.

Part of me wants to just start smacking because even if it didnt send the "right message" at least maybe ONCE It might get her to "listen". Im so desperate. nothing works!!! This gd stuff DOES NOT work!!!!!!!!! Im trying to remember shes only 6, shes doing the best she can....but its just not sinking in..just not cutting it....

I cant afford to buy this book, we went over our budget last month by an entire paycheck and it will take us months to recover...but that's a thread for a whole different forum......somebody help.??????????

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#2 of 8 Old 08-06-2010, 12:03 AM
 
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I'm reading it right now, and am finding it extremely helpful. I think it has a lot to offer re the actual "raising your spirited child" part, but I've also found it pretty enlightening as far as explaining *how* a spirited child ticks...their personality versus your personality and how to handle each one. Have you checked your library for it, or asked them if they could get it from another library?

Hugs, mama. There's a spirited child thread around here somewhere you may also want to check out.

ETA: here's a link to that thread... http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1248073

Mama to DS (5)

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#3 of 8 Old 08-06-2010, 12:49 AM
 
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If your public library doesn't have it, a local LLL library might.

Do you want to share some specifics and have people here brainstorm?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sg784 View Post
Somebody please help me.

The last three paragraphs here pretty much sum it up.....

http://www.parentchildhelp.com/Spiri...1/Default.aspx



Im at a loss as to what to do. If I had a sister cross country Id put DD on a plane one way. Im going bonkers. Nothing Ive done works and Im silently raging. I cant take it. Im laying in bed crying at my computer because I feel like the worst parent in the world. Do I really not like my own kid? I grew up with a mother who didnt like me, it sucked. Im scarred from it. Sometimes I wonder if she'd be better off with someone better equipped to handle her. I was not raised GD or AP by any means,, and my gut reaction when shes being "herself" is I want to take my fists to her She pushes all my buttons all day long and when I dont have a speck of patience left DP comes home tired and wanting to relax and DD just pushes all his buttons. I feel like 98% of her waking life has been a battle. I give up. I dont know what to do. I dont want to fight anymore. I just want a peaceful home life. DP and I fight more about DD and discipline more than everything else combined. I cant take the yelling, screaming, tantruming, whining, crying, crazy stressfull environment. Im so overwhelmed! Do you know how awesome it is around here when she's with a grandparent for a day? Its incredible. and it hardly ever happens.

Part of me wants to just start smacking because even if it didnt send the "right message" at least maybe ONCE It might get her to "listen". Im so desperate. nothing works!!! This gd stuff DOES NOT work!!!!!!!!! Im trying to remember shes only 6, shes doing the best she can....but its just not sinking in..just not cutting it....

I cant afford to buy this book, we went over our budget last month by an entire paycheck and it will take us months to recover...but that's a thread for a whole different forum......somebody help.??????????
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#4 of 8 Old 08-06-2010, 11:42 AM
 
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I just posted about this book in another thread, so I wanted to share with you what I said about it:

I've really gotten a lot out of "Raising Your Spirited Child". It's not a magic bullet, and I'm on my third read. But I will say that it's really helped me change my outlook and expectations of my spirited daughter. I keep it on my nightstand and read a chapter or two when I'm feeling overwhelmed. Since I've read it before, it's good to get a little refresher and reminder of what my little girl needs from me.

I know for me, these days it's much less about her behavior and more about my own. More often than not my reactions and expectations are what cause things to escalate. If I can catch her before she starts to spiral (and trust me, I still miss her cues regularly) then I can try to head off problem behavior before it gets out of control.

I highly recommend checking it out from your local library (if your branch doesn't have a copy you can probably request to have one brought over for you from another branch).

Many hugs to you!!

SAHM to DD (6/07) and DS (10/09); happily married to DH since 2/04 .
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#5 of 8 Old 08-06-2010, 11:57 AM
 
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I agree 100% with the above poster. The book really is worth reading and trying to keep as a reminder, I found the book Kids Parents and Power Struggles even better and eassir to read than Spirited child. Our library had both then I found coppies on Amazon for almost nothing and at our local kick butt consignment shop.

Big Hugs to you!! They 6 is a terrificely hard age!

My dd is alomost 4 and Gifted and Spirited , a truly taxing combo ,she really knows EVERYTHING and some days I feel lke sending her packing for sure. I find the most imporatnt thing is to forgive yourself for the horrid parenting moments and to try to put a little magic into every day. Sometimes tahts just sitting and breathing deeply together, sometimes its a mushroom walk,fairy house building, hide and seek, cooking together. Kids really love yoga and thats goood for both of you. A really great technique is to ask the kid what she wants to do then do it (Playful Parenting Lawrence Cohen), for 30-40 minutes.

babies up, I hope that you find good help here!
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#6 of 8 Old 08-06-2010, 12:44 PM
 
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I read it and it really helped me. I has having a horrible time parenting and it helped me appreciate my difficult child as the wonderful child that she is. She's sensitive and emotional and I"m not, so we had problems.

The book can be very helpful.

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#7 of 8 Old 08-06-2010, 05:56 PM
 
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I also recommend the book. It really does help. I get 99% of our books at the library and I bought that one. The first copy I actually got from a parenting resource center, so that's another option if you have those in your area.

You need all the help you can get with a sensitive child. I am not sure what I would have done this morning without some of the tips I learned in that book. As it was she still had a melt down for an hour about picking her underwear. If I hadn't remembered the chapter on persistence it might have gone a lot longer.

SAHM to DD (May/07) and DS (Jan/10)
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#8 of 8 Old 08-06-2010, 06:02 PM
 
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I read the book and didn't care for it. I felt like she was trying to get parents to "reframe" all their negative language about the child. It did not offer me better ways to help me help my child.
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