That's it. That is my new secret. I don't know what's so new to me about it since i used to use it on my preschool kids *all the time.* (I guess something snapped in me when I started dealing with MY defiant children....I wasn't going to *have* kids who did this stuff because *I* was not going to raise kids who behaved this way or that way...yeah right.)
or maybe the title of this thread should be--"I'm refusing to make a career out of attempting to control my children's every move..." as there's obviously situations where I will take control--obvious safety issues and hurting others come to mind.
I came to this conclusion at some point this evening. I finally decided i was just plain sick of chasing kids through the neighborhood trying to MAKE THEM come in the house.
I went to where they were and announced "If you want to watch a show after your bath, before you go to bed, you need to come home NOW." And I walked away with baby DS on my hip.
DD followed me home...I commented "looks like you want to watch a show..."
DS ignored me, and I ignored him while the younger two took a bath, I prepared a snack, and they started to watch their show and eat said snack.
DS *finally* comes home about 15 mins, later I suppose it was. And I paused the DVR until he was in the bathroom, steered past the TV by me and informed that he had used his TV time playing outside while the other 2 had taken their bath....so now he would have to take a bath and have his snack in the kitchen, away from the TV.
It WORKED....it so WORKED...........even if it hasn't yet WORKED at keeping my kid from trying to get extra time outside and then attempting to argue his "right" to watch TV, it has WORKED in the sense that I am calm, cool, and I feel like I *AM* in control while I do this. (he, by the way, especially loves to watch a show before bed, even if it is a 10 min. short cartoon, so he was not happy to miss out on this. BUT we got through the whole scenario calm, cool, collected......it was a pretty amazing feeling
It's so freeing somehow...a conscious decision to realize that these children are people....of course duh
... people with their own right to make their own decisions, even when the path they have chosen is not the one *I* want in that moment.
AND when they choose to exercise their right not to make the choice i would like them to make in that moment.....that is NOT a reflection on my parenting. It is NOT MY "FAULT" that they don't do what I say immediatly when I say it.
It is NORMAL for them, as human beings, to exercise their free will. NORMAL. It is NORMAL for them to experiment and see what might happen fi they do this or that instead of what was asked. NORMAL. ALL NORMAL.
and it is calming somehow to resign myself to concentrating on another task and waiting for him to come in from outside, for example....and *then* enforce the consequence of not following directions.
I deal better this way....maybe someone else can benefit...
or maybe the title of this thread should be--"I'm refusing to make a career out of attempting to control my children's every move..." as there's obviously situations where I will take control--obvious safety issues and hurting others come to mind.
I came to this conclusion at some point this evening. I finally decided i was just plain sick of chasing kids through the neighborhood trying to MAKE THEM come in the house.
I went to where they were and announced "If you want to watch a show after your bath, before you go to bed, you need to come home NOW." And I walked away with baby DS on my hip.
DD followed me home...I commented "looks like you want to watch a show..."
DS ignored me, and I ignored him while the younger two took a bath, I prepared a snack, and they started to watch their show and eat said snack.
DS *finally* comes home about 15 mins, later I suppose it was. And I paused the DVR until he was in the bathroom, steered past the TV by me and informed that he had used his TV time playing outside while the other 2 had taken their bath....so now he would have to take a bath and have his snack in the kitchen, away from the TV.
It WORKED....it so WORKED...........even if it hasn't yet WORKED at keeping my kid from trying to get extra time outside and then attempting to argue his "right" to watch TV, it has WORKED in the sense that I am calm, cool, and I feel like I *AM* in control while I do this. (he, by the way, especially loves to watch a show before bed, even if it is a 10 min. short cartoon, so he was not happy to miss out on this. BUT we got through the whole scenario calm, cool, collected......it was a pretty amazing feeling
It's so freeing somehow...a conscious decision to realize that these children are people....of course duh
AND when they choose to exercise their right not to make the choice i would like them to make in that moment.....that is NOT a reflection on my parenting. It is NOT MY "FAULT" that they don't do what I say immediatly when I say it.
It is NORMAL for them, as human beings, to exercise their free will. NORMAL. It is NORMAL for them to experiment and see what might happen fi they do this or that instead of what was asked. NORMAL. ALL NORMAL.
and it is calming somehow to resign myself to concentrating on another task and waiting for him to come in from outside, for example....and *then* enforce the consequence of not following directions.
I deal better this way....maybe someone else can benefit...