2yo with attitude problems. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 09-01-2010, 11:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I would have never, ever guessed that my 2yo would end up with a sassy mouth on her.

She talks back and says things with an "attitude". I have no other way of discribing it. She also seems very angry and gets upset and whines (oh my goodness, the whining is the worst) when she doesn't get her way.

We do natural consequences for most things, but stuff like running into the middle of the street and trying to climb the porch banister are things we'd rather not face the consequences of. She doesn't really grasp danger yet though.

She totally freaks out leaving the house. We always have her stand by the door and wait for us for a good minute- it lets her collect herself and calm down. It has always been fine. NOW she flips and screams "I'M STANDING BY THE DOOR GO AWAY!". Not easy when you're already running late. She has to be the one walking first, but even if she is walking out first she's screaming "ME FIRST!!! MEEEE FIRSTT!".

I'm hoping this is a phase but her mini freak-outs every two minutes are getting to be alot to handle, especially with a cranky teething 8mo.

Any advice? I don't know what to do here.

ETA: We have a flawless and consistent daily rhythm. Also, I'm not sure where she picked this attitude up from, if from anywhere.

rainbow1284.gif Mama to DD1 (6) DD2 (4) and DD3 (1)
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#2 of 14 Old 09-02-2010, 02:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Anyone?

This morning she went on a rampage demanding to turn all of the lights on. And she turned on the one she could reach, which is above her bed. (We sleep in the same room, her bed is next to ours and we have a crib sidecarred on the other side for the baby). I'm not talking "time to wake up" time, I'm talking 4am And when the baby woke up and started crying, DD got upset and started crying also. She did turn off the light after much screaming "IM NOT TURNING LIGHT OFF! IM NOT! NO NO NO!!". I didn't even mention turning it off to her- but she got the hint of the natural consequence and didn't like it, I guess.

I'm just beside myself with her attitude and angry outbursts

rainbow1284.gif Mama to DD1 (6) DD2 (4) and DD3 (1)
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#3 of 14 Old 09-02-2010, 03:25 PM
 
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Hmmm I don't really know what to tell you, but wanted to respond since noone else had

My dd (just turned 3) has an attitude as well, though not to the extent that you have described. I have been refusing to comply with "commands" from her, I remind her gently how happy I am to help if she can ask nicely (not screaming, whining or demanding). It is getting better, for sure. I try to remember to get down on her level, make eye contact and remind her I'm here to help her, that she doesn't have to freak out to make things happen.

Also I make sure she gets one on one time with me (I have an older ds & baby on the way), she's a very needy child and always has been.

How is her sleeping? And eating?

Amanda - wife to DH Kellyjog.gif, Mummers to Trentreading.gif born 03/03/05 Bridgetdust.gif born 08/08/07 and a IT'S A BOY! Kennedy babyboy.gifborn 02/20/11!
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#4 of 14 Old 09-02-2010, 03:28 PM
 
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DD is 26 months and has just started to back talk.

We get a lot of "I will not fall down" said loud and emphatically as she is teetering on something. I told DH the other day to not dare tell her to be careful anymore. It really sets her off.

I dunno. This stuff seems normal to me. I chalked it up as 2YO defiance.

She also has to do certain things all by herself AND SHE LETS YOU KNOW IT, in that same tone as above.

I have been giving her a lot of space and going with what she wants when time allows. I will give her words to express frustration, irritation etc. I also try to let her know that it is ok to need help sometimes.

Also, naps have become increasingly more crucial to our day. And, I always give her a break when she doesn't get a good one for whatever reason. I try to remind myslef and DH that she has had a big day so expecting so much out of her isn't fair.

I hope we get some good advice too. thanks
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#5 of 14 Old 09-02-2010, 03:29 PM
 
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So she's almost three, yes?

Honestly, when DD gets like this, sometimes I have good luck with a heart-to-heart talk.

But that has to be a one issue thing, not everything at once or else they can't remember.

And we have disabled the light switch so DD can't turn it on.

That's all I got. Sorry.

I do think it's developmental and has to do with almost being 3. I try to keep emphasizing manners (please talk nicely etc...) and there have been some consequences (if you demand a popcicle by screaming and throwing your cup of juice on the floor, you don't get a popcicle).

Today I fished her toothbrush out the toilet. She's into everything right now and not in a good way.

V

Happy Momma to DD (almost 3) Fall Coleslaw -- Simple Italian Stuffed Peppers -- - Fall Toddler Activities.- We Made a Play Kitchen Selling gently used books on all topics here.
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#6 of 14 Old 09-02-2010, 04:13 PM
 
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Hi! My dd will be 3 in October and she was quite a diva there for a while. Screaming and kicking on the floor when she didn't get what she wanted; yelling at her brothers to move; completely freaking out if I said no to a movie. Oh the screaming! Believe it or not, it's stopping, slowly but surely. How? Well, I try not to make a big deal out of it. She had a screaming fit last night when I tried to put her to bed (the couch next to me while I was reading)- kicking at me, screaming, crying. She was WAY overtired from having a friend over all day. I really try not to freak out back. I figure if she sees me yell or freak, then she'll be affirmed that this is appropriate behavior. I just gently kept pushing her feet back and said firmly, "Don't kick me please." I know it sounds lackadaisical and some people get on me for not yelling or giving time outs or freaking or whatever. But I like to remain patient and firm. I believe this is why she is no longer having these freak outs all day - but just once in a while now (that and she's getting older). This is how I've dealt with all of my children - although none have been quite as vocal as this dd - and eventually they all get it, that some behaviors aren't acceptable. In public, I simply remove the child from the situation. Take them to the car (kicking and screaming if necessary) where we sit and have a chat after they've calmed down and we see if we can't fix whatever is wrong.

My husband used to get upset when dd and ds (5) would wake up screaming or yelling in the middle of the night. Turns out that both of them need to go to the bathroom when they do this, but don't want to be awake.

Be calm, be patient. Don't worry - this stage doesn't last long. I have a 17 year old daughter too - sometimes they can be more fun!:-)

Unschooling, writer mom of Matt, 22; Lydia, 21; Alex, 18; Liam, 16; Jack, 9; Kiara, 7; Seamus, 5; Anais, 1 and ??? May 2015. About to hit the road in an RV full time. Currently live off grid in Alaska.
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#7 of 14 Old 09-02-2010, 04:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for the responses I feel that I'm remaining patient with her but my goodness I feel like it will never end!

I didn't even mention the demands
Example 1: Ice cream truck goes by while we're in the middle of dinner.
DD: (yelling) I WANT ICE CREAM! NOW!
DH & I gently explain that we are eating right now and are filling our tummies with healthy food etc. DDs behavior escalates into a full blown tantrum.

Example 2:
DD: PUT BABY ON THE CARPET NOWWW!
Me: I will put baby on the rug once you clean up your pine cones (or crayons, or acorns). Baby might eat them and choke.
DD: NO I WONT CLEAN UP! MINE! MINE! I WANT TO PLAY!
DD used to clean up her toys asap with just the mention of "baby is going to play on the rug now". Now she has this big internal struggle between putting her toys away to play with her sister or continuing to play with her toys.

rainbow1284.gif Mama to DD1 (6) DD2 (4) and DD3 (1)
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#8 of 14 Old 09-02-2010, 04:47 PM
 
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It's a phase. It ends between between 16 and 26 depending on the child. I have found Adventures in Gentle Discipline to be helpful, as well as nightly glass of Bordeaux or rose. Stay off the hard stuff. You can't mix it with alcohol and also it's expensive and hard to come by at times.

It's not that the stay-at-home-parent gets to stay home with the kids. The kids get to stay home with a parent. Lucky Mom to DD1 (4 y) and DD2 (18 mo), Wife to Mercenary Dad
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#9 of 14 Old 09-02-2010, 05:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post
Thank you for the responses I feel that I'm remaining patient with her but my goodness I feel like it will never end!

I didn't even mention the demands
Example 1: Ice cream truck goes by while we're in the middle of dinner.
DD: (yelling) I WANT ICE CREAM! NOW!
DH & I gently explain that we are eating right now and are filling our tummies with healthy food etc. DDs behavior escalates into a full blown tantrum.

.
In those scenarios, I respond once or twice and then just ignore DD and go about my business. She stops screaming much faster. If I keep trying to reason with her, I think she thinks she might still get what she wants, kwim? So if I just stop engaging, she knows it's a done deal.

If she settles in for the long haul, I leave the room or shut the door where she's at and tell her my ears hurt and to come out when she's done. I am not sure how GD that is, but the pitch is physically painful to me.

V

Happy Momma to DD (almost 3) Fall Coleslaw -- Simple Italian Stuffed Peppers -- - Fall Toddler Activities.- We Made a Play Kitchen Selling gently used books on all topics here.
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#10 of 14 Old 09-02-2010, 05:48 PM
 
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i wonder if she is acting out because of the new baby? especially if the baby has been more demanding maybe? or is moving around a bit (8 months old right?)

if you can find any time to read it "Connection Parenting" is really helpful (at least it has been for me... i am re-reading it! lol so it is fresh to me again) and another book i love love love is "When Anger Hurts Your Kids" not that you are angry or being angry to her, just it is really helpful on dealing with this sort of thing AND how not to take it all personally. ((hug))

h

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#11 of 14 Old 09-02-2010, 07:42 PM
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Preschoolers go through periods of being more emotional. It's normal and will probably go away for a few months and then something else will come along. The main thing is not to take it personally. Responding to her calmly will help too. I remember saying quietly "wow, you feel angry" and "shouting hurts my ears and my feelings" about a million times. I also would suggest that my DD go to her room and calm down or sometimes ask if a bath or painting would help her feel calmer. It's really a case of your LO feeling really overwhelmed and not knowing how to deal with it. Once my DD could say "I'm angry!!!" at about 38 months, tantrums became less frequent. Age 4 has been a lot easier emotionally for my DD. She still gets upset, but can talk about why and calm herself down.
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#12 of 14 Old 09-02-2010, 08:59 PM
 
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I don't know. DD can identify when she's mad and she still Loses It.

V

Happy Momma to DD (almost 3) Fall Coleslaw -- Simple Italian Stuffed Peppers -- - Fall Toddler Activities.- We Made a Play Kitchen Selling gently used books on all topics here.
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#13 of 14 Old 09-02-2010, 10:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Violet2 View Post
I don't know. DD can identify when she's mad and she still Loses It.

V
Mine too. I get "I'm VEWY VEWY MAD AT YOU!" arms folded, big pout, big "HUMPH!" Full.on.attitude. Sometimes I'm not sure if she's 3 or 13.

I think some of it is the age, some of it is personality. I do think that there is a positive to it, that she knows what she wants and goes for it and doesn't immediately take no for an answer and I think those are great qualities for a girl to have, we just need to channel them a little mor positively.

Amanda - wife to DH Kellyjog.gif, Mummers to Trentreading.gif born 03/03/05 Bridgetdust.gif born 08/08/07 and a IT'S A BOY! Kennedy babyboy.gifborn 02/20/11!
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#14 of 14 Old 09-03-2010, 07:05 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post
It's a phase. It ends between between 16 and 26 depending on the child. I have found Adventures in Gentle Discipline to be helpful, as well as nightly glass of Bordeaux or rose. Stay off the hard stuff. You can't mix it with alcohol and also it's expensive and hard to come by at times.
rotflmao
best advice i've ever read.

seriously though...we're dealing with attitude, tantrums, whining & such here. it is very much "3" or in some cases, almost 3. and apparently-it can go on for awhile. agggghhhh! my niece just turned 4 & while we were on the family vacation (sharing a house for a week with 5 kids under 7), it was meltdown central. often over the most ridiculous things. (thankfully, my sis in laws & I had lots of margarita fixins to get us through )

dd is talking back lots & she is very verbal. i've been getting a little firmer with her about how "we don't talk like that to people" etc. but every day is interesting to say the least.

some of our big power struggles lately are over which shoes she picks out, picking out inappropriate outfits for weather or occasion, wanting things after i say no (the ice cream truck is a great example). i have had some success with repeating the no once & then saying "i'm done talking about this" & ignoring it.

Stephanie~hippie.gifwife to Dov, mama to Ella Irie (9/24/07) & Kaya Raine (2/1/10)~our vbac.gifbaby, born 45 hours after PROM!!!
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