My ds is 5 going on 6 as is most of his class. There is one boy in his Kindergarten class (of 5 boys/2 girls) that is generally mean and aggressive. I'll call him "Fred." Each day when I pick ds up, his behavior is way more aggressive than his normal behavior.
I try to casually ask him if anyone was mean or pushed/hit him and inevitably he says that Fred did. I ask if he (ds) was mean or pushed/hit anyone, and he says he did after Fred did it to him. I've asked him if he ever is mean or pushes/hits first and he says he has once or twice.
Ds is an only child, has been in preschool for two years and now is in Kindergarten (at a different school with different kids). The past two years this behavior did not occur. The teacher this year seems to have a "wait and see" attitude in regard to this aggressive behavior. She wants them to "figure it out on their own." She reminds them to keep their bodies to themselves/hands to themselves but that's pretty much it.
I don't have a clue why Fred is so aggressive. I know nothing about him or his family. I have once talked with the teacher, and she said what I mentioned above and that all the boys do that.... I plan to talk with the teacher again, along with DH, but what I am trying to work on is how I can teach MY child to not partake of this hurtful behavior.
I have said things like, if someone is being mean to you, you don't have to be mean back, you can just walk away. If someone pushes/hits you, you don't have to do it back, you can walk away - and if they are really bothering you, let the teacher know. While I am honestly glad that he stands up for himself and pushes back, I also recognize that this isn't how I want him to behave, and then I also recognize that he is 5 and doesn't have a whole lotta skills in dealing with this. There are days when ds and Fred seem to have no issues and work together, etc., but there are more days when there are issues. Apparently Fred is mean/pushes other kids as well, so it isn't just my ds.
Since I can't do anything about Fred's behavior (and in truth I get hostile when I see him, wondering what he will do/has done today), I want to be able to guide MY son and help him be non-violent if that is possible.
Oh - there is one day a week that Fred is not in school (don't know why), but that one day is the one day each week when my son is his usual sweet self....