Originally Posted by seamama11
1. Gets mad at hits you or his sister. He is strong, 4 years old, and it hurts. We have used the whole, hands are not for hitting, use your words for 3 years now.
2. You son yells at you and says things like I HATE YOU YOU ARE STUPID
3. Your child uses potty talk
4. When you put him in his room he screams and kicks the door
This happens not all day at all, but at various times. I am looking for specific actions you take. We talk to him about his feelings, tried to get him to pick a cool down spot, try to make sure he is fed, rested, and outside for many hours each day.
He is also very sweet, curious, smart, and fun to be around. It is almost as if he is trying to play the mean role, push the boundaries, challenge the boundaries.
we never have used any form of timeout, but have started putting him in his room when he is screaming, hitting, ...out of control. It doesn't him calm down after he flips out for a minute, and we are right there with him, but I don't see a real change in day to day behavior
1) We used drums; "Drums are for hitting, NOT people." I sat down with a drum and so did he; we banged and yelled until we started to feel better. Drums have a satisfying sound and feel that seems more effective to me.
2) "Wow...well, thank you for that information. I love you, my son; enjoy your nap."
Sometimes when he says these things, he really just needs some extra love. It depends on him and his attitude at the time. In that case, "Do you need some extra love? How about a snuggle?"
If I'm REALLY out of patience, "Go get your green flower blanket."
"No, Mom, I don't want a burrito wrap!" <brings me his blanket>
I wrap him in his blanket, set him on my lap and snuggle him while singing to him. He usually needs some time to calm himself and this helps him to calm down.
Note: It looks like I am not listening to his words when I write this but IRL, I am listening to his body language and tone.
3) "Bathroom talk belongs in the bathroom." Sometimes he likes to go into the bathroom and say bathroom words but it really isn't fun without an audience.
Sometimes we'll go in there together and I provide the audience (I have little patience for this and we went through this phase pretty quickly.)
4) We had a problem with him slamming the door.
"I will be glad to remove the door if you cannot control your body."
Other things I do to keep my patience:
I remind myself that boys get a surge of testosterone around age 4-5; I saw this in a post here and it has stuck with me as my boy became very aggressive overnight this summer. It was a...challenging time for us.
I send him outside to play in the yard and work out some of that energy.
I wrestle with him and tickle him.
I become the Queen Dragon and chase him through the house.
Most importantly, we brainstorm solutions together. We both offer solutions and I write them down; then we go over them together and determine which will work best for us. He often comes up with very good ideas that we are able to put into place. This method helped us to resolve him being bullied at school and also his not listening to the teacher (his idea was for the teacher to whisper in his ear rather than raise her voice at him which he did not like.)