3.5 year old, need help! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 10-08-2010, 01:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I really feel lost. I haven't a clue how to deal with him anymore. Nothing works. I lose my temper to much more than I'd like (would like to never lose it). Paul is three and a half. Mostly it's the hitting that's bad. He hits just because he wants to hit, and sometimes in anger, but mostly just because he wants to hit us. He thinks it's funny or fun. Sometimes it because he's really excited, so I have shown/told him proper ways to get excitment out, but he still chooses to hit us most times. He hits his sister just because, and it doesn't help that sometimes she does think it's funny so she laughs back. He does not listen at all. If I ask him to stop something, he rarely does. I have resorted to threats, which I do not like at all. Removing him and making him stop doesn't work either. (he just goes right back to it, even if I have physically stood there and MADE him not do it for 5 minutes, the second I think it's safe to stop, say he's gone off playing, he comes right back). Is this just normal behavior? I really need some good, concrete ways to deal with him. I really have no clue how to parent him anymore.

Julie ~ homesteading, Traditional Catholic, wife to Chip, mom to Angelbaby(4-06), DS (3-07), and DD (11-09).
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#2 of 5 Old 10-08-2010, 01:06 PM
 
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I feel the same way with my DS(3.5yrs), this is a really hard age and it really doesn't help that DS is SO much more intense than DD was/is. For hitting me/animals/other adults we use the "you hit/kick/shove... you sit" rule, with other kids it can be a form of play(think wrestling) so I let the kid decide when it starts to cross the line and let them figure it out while carefully observing. For listening I say whatever 1x, and then I do it "with" them, this makes my DS really po'd since he's really big on independence, and he's more likely to do it when he's asked next time because he "really doesn't need anyone's help". Give warnings, and set a timer when you ask him to stop something, it really helps. We don't do threats around here, but natural/logical consequences do work wonders.

Yes, these issues are completely normal. And, yes most of the time I have no idea what to do with DS, he leaves me scratching my head in either exhausted laughter or serious irritation multiple times daily. *Hugs*

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#3 of 5 Old 10-08-2010, 08:57 PM
 
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I'm going through this with my almost 3.5 year old son. Would love to get some advice myself.

SAHM to a set of beautiful twins :, one beautiful angel baby (baby c), and one crazy furbaby :
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#4 of 5 Old 10-08-2010, 10:59 PM
 
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Can you give him something he can hit. Like a pillow or a punching bag sort of thing. That way if he gets physical, you can direct him toward the thing he can hit. Also, if we go outside and play hard, this seems make the end of the day easier.

D. proud Mom of H. E. M. and T. always remembering Norah (11/07 at 40 wks) and (10/06) see profile
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#5 of 5 Old 10-09-2010, 12:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by namaste_mom View Post
Can you give him something he can hit. Like a pillow or a punching bag sort of thing. That way if he gets physical, you can direct him toward the thing he can hit. Also, if we go outside and play hard, this seems make the end of the day easier.
I tell him several times a day what proper places to hit are, the wall, the floor, the couch or chair. I don't know if it's because I haven't given him a very specific place, or let him pick, maybe I'll do that. It is just constant. I am so tired of being punched, and it hurts! The other day he punched me in the eye and then minutes later my daughter clawed my eye (accident), I thought for sure I was going to have a bruise!

I really like the sit rule. I tried to get him to sit the other day when he shoved his sister (who's only 11 months old, crawling, but not walking). He didn't take kindly too it. I think we'll have to try again. I didn't use it as a time out, don't really like those, but don't mind 'resting' or calming down, or taking a break. At those moments we both need a break.

It seems from others that this is totally normal and just a really hard age, at least he's not the hellion I was thinking he was. Most days I feel my kids are just out of control. I think they are just being kids, kids who aren't afriad of their parents and terrified of 'being in trouble', but most people seem to think they are out of control, definetly having a hard time not believing them right now!

Julie ~ homesteading, Traditional Catholic, wife to Chip, mom to Angelbaby(4-06), DS (3-07), and DD (11-09).
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