Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Pacific NW longing for the Midwest
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Is she getting enough sleep? My kids are much less able to control themselves when they're overtired.
What's her diet like? Does she get enough complex carbs and protein?
What do you do to connect with her NOW? 8 year olds have the same need for connection that infants do, just not as intensely. I would highly recommend the book "Playful Parenting" for helping to establish this.
I've noticed that my 9 year old has developed a new 'routine' for bedtime. We read stories on our bed. Usually, after stories we get up and I tuck him into his bed. Well, lately, he's been crawling under my covers and rolling over. When I say "it's time to go to bed" he says "I'm in bed." When I say "it's time to get into YOUR bed" he replies (with a smile on his face) "this is my bed". What he's really saying, I think, is "Mom, I need some more time with you". My schedule and his schedule are such right now that I'm not seeing him that much. So, I let him lie next to me for a bit. Then I start to gently tickle him to get out of bed and eventually I chase him into his room. He's 4'10" and gangly, but he needs the attention as much as he did when he was 24" and round.
Finally, what do you do when she starts to yell at you? Our dd has times when she loses control. She's free to do that. She's NOT free to make the rest of the family miserable while she does that. So, we send her to her room. Or, I go to my room and shut the door. At 8, she's old enough to start to learn to control her outbursts, or at least take it elsewhere if she can't.
You're right that you shouldn't have to be yelled at for 90 minutes by your daughter. You also have a right to be spoken to politely. Remember that GD doesn't mean no boundaries. It doesn't mean no consequences for your actions. Yes, there's debate about what kinds of consequences are best, but that's a different issue.
So, what are appropriate consequences, in your mind, for rude language and rude behavior? How can you help her learn a bit more control?
Lynn, academic, wife, WOHM to T (4/01) and M (5/04)