I feel sad bc my baby feels sad - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-25-2004, 02:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My dh is out of town and today was horrible. My ds (2.5) was throwing tantrum after tantrum. It stressed me out after a while and I put him in his bed and said,"I think you need to take a rest, and when you feel like you can come out here without throwing any more tantrums, you can come out." I turned off the light and shut the door loudly. I did this for myself bc I was losing my sanity. Every minute or so I would open the door and say,"are you ready to stop crying? If you are, you can come out." and he would still be screaming. I did this 3 times. Finally I felt bad and figured he couldn't understand ....If you do this, then you get this. SO I sat him in my lap and tried to talk to him. He wouldn't look at me or respond to me. He just wanted to go play, which was good. But not even a second later he started the bouncing frustrated spasms. I ended up crying and pleaing with him that I would do anything if he would just please calm down so I could help him. He was comforting me!!!!!! I feel soooooo bad. He seemed very depressed like he thought he hurt me, which I'm sure that's the message I was giving him. I feel manipulative. How can I ever make it up to him? Turns out that he was soooo exhausted. I don't think he's been getting enough sleep. I feel that this will affect him for the rest of his life, seriously. It was just an ineffective, emotional mess and I don't want this kind of discipline to perpetuate. Thanks for listening.
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Old 03-25-2004, 02:14 AM
 
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Don't be that hard on you , I'm sure this wont affect him for the rest of his life. It's natural and healthy to show our true emotions with our family, in a respectful way of course, and it just happened that you were feeling really desperate... you didn't hit him, you only showed you are also a human been . May be if you try to explain this to him you will feel better and him too
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Old 03-25-2004, 02:22 AM
 
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YOu apologize and move on!! And stop kicking your own ass!
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Old 03-25-2004, 04:04 AM
 
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we all have those days...
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Old 03-25-2004, 06:25 AM
 
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It's okay. It can be incredibly hard, just amazingly difficult sometimes. Forgive yourself, apologize, move on - but at the same time look at the underlying feelings you were having and try to figure out what would help you to react differently the next time. More self-care so you aren't so desperate-feeling, whatever you need to feel up to dealing w/ his freaky times.

it occured to me recently that just like we try to figure out their feelings (behind anger or tantrums) in order to deal w/ the real motivation, not just the outer behavior - we should do the same w/ ourselves.

And I think this stuff only affects them forever if the parent doesn't question the bad reaction, honestly try to change it. If he felt your negative emotions, he'll also feel your sincere regret (as expressed in your post) and caring for him enough to change.
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Old 03-25-2004, 04:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This morning has gone better. We are so bonded, I think, that our emotions depend on the other's emotions. He still is not understanding a lot, which can be frustrating bc I try to tell him that if I can understand what he wants or needs, I'll find a solution. I wish he would trust me more, bc he knows that I'll take care of him. It's like he hasn't reached the level to put it all together. I feel really guilty about putting him in daycare, also. There aren't many choices around here, so I put him in the best one available. He screams for me in the morning to not leave him. When I come pick him up in the afternoons, he seems to be happy playing. But I am young and have always dreamed of studying English.... so I am putting my needs first. The tantrums have gotten worse since he started school. I don't know if it is age, the separation anxiety, or the school. I feel some resentment from him. Thank you for the reassurance at a time where that's probably what I'm looking for. This is a time where I am questioning my parenting skills, as with the baby stage I felt solid, bc he was very content.
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