Dealing with DS at the grocery store - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 38 Old 11-29-2010, 06:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I love the idea of leaving the store with a half empty cart, or just checking out with what I have but it's just not very practical in my case. I'd waste so much gas going to and from the grocery store.  The nearest one is 25 minutes away. I'm not going to leave the grocery store if I'm not done to go home and wait to try another day or even later that day. There's got to be another way! :)
 

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Originally Posted by Tdunahoo View Post

Here's what I do with my DS (who sounds very similar to yours).  I start by telling him in the car that he needs to stay next to me while in the store if he wants to walk, otherwise he'll have to sit in the cart. I remind him again once we get into the store. He starts off walking next to me and if he takes off I give the first warning " you cannot take off in the store, if you do it again you'll have to sit in the cart because I need you to stay close to me and be safe" if he does it again he goes into the cart, right away. There is usually screaming but do it, trust me the screaming stops. He sits in the cart for a few minutes and I tell him I can't talk to him while he's screaming but if he uses his words we can discuss walking. He ALWAYS calms down (I use the "can't talk unless you use your words a lot at home), I say I'll give him another chance to walk but he needs to be a good listener and helper. Usually that is all it takes, but if we have a rough day where he isn't listening I check out with the stuff I have in the cart (screaming child or not) and we try again. The first 2 or 3 times I did this it was rough, but after that he knows what to expect so he does it.

 

I think if you start a pattern for your expectations your little guy will pick it up and shopping will become a lot easier. I know how tough it is to have a screaming toddler in a store or a toddler who is pulling everything off the shelf. 




DH(9/04) DS(12/08) and DD(5/11)

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#32 of 38 Old 11-29-2010, 06:16 AM
 
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When my DD1 was this age i was a single mama.  I had to do it, i had to do it alone, i had nowhere i could leave dd and no WAY did i have money for an online delivery, that was over a third of my WEEKLY grocery bill just in delivery charge!  Once every 3 months i would get an online shop and i was so i could have my tins and packets delivered as i had no car (and no way of transporting 36tins of tomatoes, 24 tins of mixed beans etc., 10kg of pasta, 5kg of rice, and so on without getting taxis which were more expensive than the online delivery charges).

 

I did what fuzzylogic describes.  I put her in the cart, i fastened the seat belt (which is much safer anyway, i've seen several kids stand in the seat in the seconds the mom's back is turned then tumble and split their faces/scalps open, it takes a few seconds and can be a really horrible injury) and stayed calm and attempted to entertain her.  If she tantrumed...oh well.  We had to eat, i had to shop, she had to deal.  If i was running in for things real quick i wore her in the meitai.  As she got bigger (and exceeded the weight limit on the cart) i let her try walking and yes, she had to hold the cart.  Even now she is required to hold the cart/my hand if we're in the store.  *I* have to hold the cart the whole time we're in the store, so i can well imagine it.  It's a bit boring.  It's not the end of the world.  

 

The way i see it, i am in charge of DD, it's up to me to make sure she's safe and not destroying her surroundings.  She has EVERY RIGHT to express her opinion on how i choose to manage those tasks, but i can't be taking it into account the whole time.  I definitely ignored the tantrum, not the child.

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#33 of 38 Old 11-29-2010, 07:08 AM
 
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Have you tried one of those baby leashes?  That way baby can walk with you, but isn't able to take off or get to shelves unless you allow it.  Seems like it would be a good compromise.

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#34 of 38 Old 11-29-2010, 07:36 AM
 
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Originally Posted by plantnerd View Post

Have you tried one of those baby leashes?  That way baby can walk with you, but isn't able to take off or get to shelves unless you allow it.  Seems like it would be a good compromise.



The leashes are long enough for baby to get to the shelves, especially if mom is right next to the shelf.

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#35 of 38 Old 11-29-2010, 07:56 AM
 
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They totally are.  lol.gif  I made that mistake once...and then I had to pick up an entire noodle display that my daughter had knocked over.



 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by plantnerd View Post

Have you tried one of those baby leashes?  That way baby can walk with you, but isn't able to take off or get to shelves unless you allow it.  Seems like it would be a good compromise.



The leashes are long enough for baby to get to the shelves, especially if mom is right next to the shelf.



 

 

I had two kids under two, and grocery shopping was my nemesis.  I didn't have the luxury of going without kids very often; my dh works crazy hours, and if I waited for him to be home with the kids so I could shop, we would be eating .... cereal and canned corn or something for dinner.  ;)

 

I used a carrier for one while my ds rode with a seatbelt on in the cart.  Sometimes I brought a healthy earth sucker along for him to suck while we shopped.  Other times, he got to ride in the basket and be "in charge" of stacking boxes/cans and minding the produce.  He liked to sort it by color when he was about two.

 

 

The thing that worked really, really, really, really well for me was introducing the concept of "TEAM (lastname)".  Whenever we would go into a store, the kids and I would have a team huddle.  I laid out the expectations and told them approximately how long we would be there/what we needed/what help I needed from them.  I usually made up a job for each of them:  "Ds, I need you to help me find apples.  Dd, you are in charge of bananas."  I made it clear that our family needs food and we are the ones to get it; it was not negotiable, we were going to do it, and we had to work together as a team.

 

Even now, my kids are 5 and 4 -- we use our TEAM (lastname) all the time.  The kids love referring to us by our team name and sometimes even yell "GO TEAM!" before we go into a store/whatever.  Being part of a family means sucking it up to do the less than awesome things like grocery shopping.  I do what I can to make it fun, but even when it's not fun, we still have to do it.  (There's my life lesson for the kids.)  It takes all of us to make it successful.......even if we're just running in for a gallon of milk and spaghetti sauce.

 

This team thing has carried over to other parts of our life -- snow shoveling, sweeping the kitchen/clearing the table, etc., and I love to see my kids grow up feeling responsible for our group success.  It honestly started with grocery shopping.  :)

 

That doesn't mean we didn't have miserable trips -- and sometimes we still do (ever watched a 5 and 4 year old fight in the checkout lane?  those are my kids) -- but for the most part, I try to make it as painless as possible.  Sometimes I even split a peppermint patty in the car after a successful trip by our team.

 

 

Good luck.  Shopping with kids is an evolving process.  :)


Mama to A 8/05 and S 11/06
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#36 of 38 Old 11-29-2010, 08:30 AM
 
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I am the one thing that thinks subjecting an entire store to a toddler screaming while you do your shopping isn't the answer? I've even ignoring the larger issue of the effects on the child and meeting the child where they are at developmental Sitting still is not high on most todder's priority lists. Children tantrum, all mine have, if they don't calm down then we leave and try again later. If I am in the process of checking out then of course I will finish but to go through my entire list, I feel that is very inconsiderate of others. For the record I don't have 1 child and endless time to shop but 3, we have a busy life, it is an issue when I can't get the stuff I need when I have carefully allotted the time to do it. 

 

For the getting through the store in the first place. I've done various things over the years depending what worked best on that child. Going at naptime and wearing the toddler so they would fall asleep on my back. Getting a treat if they allow me to get through the store. Bringing snacks, toys, etc... Making multiple quick dashes through the store when I normally only do one large trip a week. Trying to go on times when I have the least amount of children with me. It is a phase just like most of childhood is, it will pass, until then it is all about surviving it. 


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#37 of 38 Old 11-29-2010, 09:24 AM
 
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I get what you're saying but I the point for me anyway was that they won't tantrum each and every time you make them sit in the cart.  It's a one or maybe two shot deal during which they child learns that freaking out doesn't make them get their way, all the time and on some level maybe even learns the important lesson that is 'my  needs don't come first all the time'. 

 

Sitting still might not be high on my little girl's priority list.  It doesn't have to be. But she still has to learn how to do it without it being a huge drama every time. 

 

Some of the biggest mistakes I made with my son (my first) were not having high enough expectations of him and OVER explaining his behaviour as being 'age appropriate'.  Just because it's age appropriate doens't mean it's OK. 

 

Obviously your way is working for you though.  Just explaining mine.

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Originally Posted by Peony View Post

I am the one thing that thinks subjecting an entire store to a toddler screaming while you do your shopping isn't the answer? I've even ignoring the larger issue of the effects on the child and meeting the child where they are at developmental Sitting still is not high on most todder's priority lists. Children tantrum, all mine have, if they don't calm down then we leave and try again later. If I am in the process of checking out then of course I will finish but to go through my entire list, I feel that is very inconsiderate of others. For the record I don't have 1 child and endless time to shop but 3, we have a busy life, it is an issue when I can't get the stuff I need when I have carefully allotted the time to do it. 


DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

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#38 of 38 Old 11-29-2010, 05:16 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Peony View Post

I am the one thing that thinks subjecting an entire store to a toddler screaming while you do your shopping isn't the answer? I've even ignoring the larger issue of the effects on the child and meeting the child where they are at developmental Sitting still is not high on most todder's priority lists. Children tantrum, all mine have, if they don't calm down then we leave and try again later. If I am in the process of checking out then of course I will finish but to go through my entire list, I feel that is very inconsiderate of others. For the record I don't have 1 child and endless time to shop but 3, we have a busy life, it is an issue when I can't get the stuff I need when I have carefully allotted the time to do it. 


Eh.  I think that part of going to the store is that sometimes you get to listen to children scream.  Same as being on an airplane (has anyone ever been on an airplane and not listened to a baby cry for a good part of it??), going to the mall, playground, etc.  It's certainly not ideal, I don't like listening to other peoples children scream, but it happens. 

 

Children do need to learn at some point that the world does not revolve around them, and to be honest, sitting still isn't real high on MY list of priorities either, but I'm in school and I have to sit through boring classes all the time.  I agree with bringing snacks, or doing something fun after to reward a good trip (park anyone?), or even going to the park before shopping to get some energy out first so that sitting still might work better (and bringing a spill proof sippy cup with some water/juice/milk).  I think having survival tactics is always a good idea, but knowing that children will tantrum occasionally and that shouldn't always get them what they want is OK too.

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