anyone want to start a gd book club for 2011? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 26 Old 01-04-2011, 05:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I find I'm a better parent when I'm reading good parenting books, but I'd really like someone to read them with because I always find I have questions/situations that just aren't answered and I'd like to talk it out in that frame of reference, yanno?  dh is NOT a reader... so I end up just sharing the blurbs I find important, but its not the same as reading it together...

 

Anyone interested?  I figure we'll do one chapter of whatever book a week... I'll start the weeks off on Mondays and post a quick blurb about what the chapter was about and we can go from there...  any book suggestions?  Here are a few I'd like to read/have read... but I"m open to just about anything...

 

Kids Are Worth It - Barbara Coloroso

Raising Self Reliant CHildren in a Self INdulgent World - Glenn

Siblings without rivalry - faber/mazlish

How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and Listen so kids will talk - faber/mazlish

Unconditional Parenting - Alfie Kohn

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#2 of 26 Old 01-04-2011, 05:14 AM
 
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I'd iike to do that! I've really slipped from where I want to be throughout pregnancy, don't see that improving now as I'm sleep-deprived, and my 5yo has a very challenging personality. I like all your suggestions, and I wanted to point out Hold On to Your Kids, also.


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#3 of 26 Old 01-04-2011, 05:34 PM
 
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I don't know how well I'll be able to keep up, but it sounds like a great idea.  I'd like to suggest Simplicity Parenting

 

http://www.amazon.com/Simplicity-Parenting-Extraordinary-Calmer-Happier/dp/0345507983/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1294191145&sr=8-1

 

I actually just finished it and found some useful insights. 

 

And I also just finished "How to talk..."  Great book!


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#4 of 26 Old 01-04-2011, 07:09 PM
 
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I haven't heard of this one...Siblings are Worth It - faber/mazlish

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#5 of 26 Old 01-04-2011, 08:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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ooooppppsss....  that was supposed to be siblings w.o rivalry.  fixed it above...

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#6 of 26 Old 01-04-2011, 09:07 PM
 
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I would love to join. I am with you happy1nluv.. I seem to do better when I am reading and would love to be able to discuss too. Easy to Love Difficult to Disipline by Becky Bailey is one I would like to read but havent gotten too. Any of those other books sound great too :)


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#7 of 26 Old 01-05-2011, 01:33 AM
 
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I'm very keen, please count me in!

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#8 of 26 Old 01-05-2011, 06:22 AM
 
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I'm up for it!


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#9 of 26 Old 01-05-2011, 04:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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ok...  just reserved a copy of easy to love difficult to discipline at the library...  I think its a great choice to start with...  anyone object? 

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#10 of 26 Old 01-05-2011, 05:36 PM
 
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Sounds good. So when will we start? ...better go find my book!


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#11 of 26 Old 01-05-2011, 07:59 PM
 
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I'm in!  :)  I might not read *every* book and I don't know how well I'll keep up with discussion, but I'm reading some Love and Logic books right now.  I started a thread discussing those already, but I've been reading a lot more and haven't been back to post on it for awhile.  I certainly don't agree with everything in the book about responsibility, and I'm currently reading "Love and Logic when your kids leave you speechless" or something like that.  I LOVE the basic principle of the books though.  You'll find the thread I started "Did I find the right book?"  I titled it that because I really didn't like some of the beginning of the responsibility book, but I kept reading....what I really liked is how the second half of Love and Logic--responsibility, and each chapter of the Speechless book, the authors take a specific situation, like "whining", give some dialogue between parent and child, and then talk about why they think this approach either works or does not work.  The "Speechless" book has questions at the end of each chapter too. 

(for those who don't know, Love and Logic is a series, I don't remember the exact titles of the books, but one focuses on ideas for raising children who take responsibility for their own actions, and the one I'm currently reading is something like "Love and Logic When Your Kids Leave You Speechless". )

 

I vote for a Love and Logic book.  I think it could make for some interesting discussion--I don't necessarily agree that all their ideas are GD, but I'm finding a *lot* of good ideas, and I know that before I started reading these books, I didn't feel like I was in control of much of my life, and now I do.  For that reason, I think they're great.

 

(I also have Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline on reserve at the library.  I saw the title here on MDC a few days ago and thought it described my almost 4 year old PERFECTLY.)


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#12 of 26 Old 01-05-2011, 08:09 PM
 
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i'm in! i have my book already smile.gif


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#13 of 26 Old 01-06-2011, 06:04 AM
 
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I actually ordered Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline about a week ago and am waiting for it to get here!

 

Oh, and I would be interested in a Love and Logic one as well. I have only listened to an older version of Parenting with Love and Logic on tape and I was not a fan. Someone that is very close to my children swears by it though (as a teacher--she's not a parent-- though she constantly recommends the parenting stuff as well). Sometimes it feels like we are using the same words when discussing parenting stuff, but that we mean completely different things. A more comprehensive look at it might help me get where she is coming from and hopefully be more comfortable with the way she talks to my kids (it frequently sounds scripted and... detached? to be fair, she is probably usually exhausted from being around small children all day. sorry, didn't want to seem like a huge jerk haha). Or at least rule Love and Logic out as the cause for this. :P I've actually searched for a breakdown of Love and Logic before with not much luck.


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#14 of 26 Old 01-06-2011, 06:57 AM
 
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I'll put it on hold at my library (have to return some other books first, though) but I'm not first in line for it.


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#15 of 26 Old 01-06-2011, 07:48 AM
 
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I love this idea. :) I live in a small town with a small library, and may not be able to get my hands on all the books, but I have already read some of the ones on that list, and I'd like to be in on what I can. :)


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#16 of 26 Old 01-06-2011, 07:57 AM
 
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Great idea!  I have the La Leche League Gentle Discipline book and it's also great!

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#17 of 26 Old 01-06-2011, 07:58 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by earthworm View Post

Oh, and I would be interested in a Love and Logic one as well. I have only listened to an older version of Parenting with Love and Logic on tape and I was not a fan. Someone that is very close to my children swears by it though (as a teacher--she's not a parent-- though she constantly recommends the parenting stuff as well). Sometimes it feels like we are using the same words when discussing parenting stuff, but that we mean completely different things. A more comprehensive look at it might help me get where she is coming from and hopefully be more comfortable with the way she talks to my kids (it frequently sounds scripted and... detached? to be fair, she is probably usually exhausted from being around small children all day. sorry, didn't want to seem like a huge jerk haha). Or at least rule Love and Logic out as the cause for this. :P I've actually searched for a breakdown of Love and Logic before with not much luck.



My thoughts (the really super short version!): L&L says to let kids experience the natural consequences of their actions, or (when that's unsafe, or when there isn't really a 'natural' consequence) to create logical consequences. So, for example, with a kid who won't go to sleep at bedtime, he proposes not forcing them to, just explaining that they have to stay in their room/be quiet, but they can have the light on/stay up as long as they want. HOWEVER in the morning they still have to get up on time, and they have to be civil to everyone. Or (if they don't get up) then they have to figure out how to get themselves to school after missing the bus (mom 'has plans' and is 'not available' in the scenario in the book). I think there were some good ideas FOR OLDER KIDS, but I don't think it's so good for little ones. I have yet to meet a 3yo who can stay up really late, get up on time, and still be civil to people all day, you know? They just don't have the maturity and self control to do it, so yes, I will find a way to make my kid go to bed at bedtime even if he doesn't want to.

The other thing I find objectionable about L&L is that he teaches that all kids should start off (in toddler/preschool years) with "Basic German Shepherd" (yes, he compares kids to dogs). Essentially the idea is that there need to be a few simple things where the kid will obey, immediately, without asking why. I believe those things were "no" "come here" and "stop" but it's been a while, I may have that wrong. He touts this as a safety thing, and while I get the idea, I also am troubled by the way he presents it--the dog thing--I think it's indicative of a mindset about children that isn't healthy. (And, if your kid didnt' have--or failed--"Basic German Shepherd" then around age 6-9 you'll need to do "Remedial German Shepherd" :eyeroll)


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#18 of 26 Old 01-06-2011, 10:29 AM
 
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Wow .. I agree that kids do need some things that they obey immediately for safety reasons but I would be really bothered by a parenting book seriously comparing kids to dogs.

 

I have on my shelf, waiting to read ...

Unconditional Parenting - Kohn

Mother Nature - Hrdy

The Natural Child - Hart

Parenting from the Inside Out - Siegel/Hartzell

The Emotional Life of the Toddler - Lieberman

Without Spanking or Spoiling - Crary

 

I'm currently reading Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child - Gottman and have been reading What is Going on in There? - Eliot for a few months but every time I get some momentum going I get pulled away for something and it's just not an easy book to keep picking up and putting down. 

 

I read Raising your Spirited Child - Kurcinka and was honestly a little underwhelmed considering all the recommendations.  I got two things out of it -- 1) DS is just another aspect of "normal" and 2) it helped me to identify specific things that cause problems for DS and plan for those things.

 

Anyhow, I'll see if I can get to a library and pick up Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline. 


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#19 of 26 Old 01-06-2011, 10:41 AM
 
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i LOVE this idea!  thanks for starting it.

 

i have a copy of unconditional parenting and have wanted to read it for a long time.  i know there was an unconditional parenting discussion thread on here at one point, but i found it way too late to actually participate. 

 

just checked and my library has a copy of easy to love... (shocking, because they rarely have books i'm looking for).  am currently out of town, but will pick it up as soon as we get back. 

 

when do we start?


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#20 of 26 Old 01-06-2011, 01:03 PM
 
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Great idea!  I'm in.  I've already read "Easy to Love..." so I'll follow along with the conversation;  it's been a while since I've read it.  I'm particularly interested in reading Unconditional Parenting. 

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#21 of 26 Old 01-06-2011, 04:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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ok... let's put unconditional parenting as book #2 and some version of love and logic (can someone suggest a particular version?) for #3 and then add the others in the order I saw them mentioned - just say the word if you want a particular one sooner.  Maybe I'll start a new thread for the official bookclub and save the first few posts...

 

post #1 intro including what book we are currently reading and our booklist

post#2 rollcall?  giving a quick summary of who's reading and how old their kids are and any other info you want to include

post#3 just in case someone can think of something else?

 

So I'll have the new thread up by Monday 1/10 and we can start introducing ourselves  (maybe put the stuff you want me to put in post#2 in red or some other color so its easy to spot)...  I plan to read 1 chapter per week and really put that idea into practice and I'll post a quick summary every monday so even if you don't have the book you can follow along??

 

What do ya think?

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#22 of 26 Old 01-11-2011, 02:02 AM
 
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actually I think I'm out for awhile....just have a lot of other things to do.  :)


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#23 of 26 Old 01-11-2011, 05:19 PM
 
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Sounds good to me. I can't wait to read this book, but both copies are checked out at the library. I'm ordering it from amazon because I think it's one I'll want to refer to often as DD2 grows.


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#24 of 26 Old 01-11-2011, 06:21 PM
 
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OK, I'll confess up front that I don't have time to be part of the club, so I'll probably be a lurker.  I wanted to add my favorite books for your consideration:

 

Playful Parenting by Larry Cohen - hands down the book that I use the most when I parent.

Kids, Parents & Power Struggles by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

Becoming the Parent You Want To Be by Laura Davis & Janis Keyser

 

FWIW, I personally wouldn't include a Love & Logic book. I don't find Love & Logic to be very consistent with AP. If you want a book that would also appeal to people doing more mainstream parenting, but still GD, then I'd recommend the Positive Discipline books by Jane Nelsen.


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#25 of 26 Old 01-11-2011, 08:49 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post

 

Playful Parenting by Larry Cohen - hands down the book that I use the most when I parent.

Kids, Parents & Power Struggles by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

Becoming the Parent You Want To Be by Laura Davis & Janis Keyser

 

when i was at the library yesterday picking up a copy of easy to love difficult to discipline, i saw playful parenting and flipped through it.  looked interesting.  good to see a recommendation for it.  i will probably pick it up next time (and, yes, let's add it to the list).

 

i also love becoming the parent you want to be.  i think it's the first parenting book i read.  let's add that one too.
 

thanks lynn!


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#26 of 26 Old 01-12-2011, 08:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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hey guys,

i started a new thread for the actual bookclub... come take a peek

http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1291022/gd-bookclub-easy-to-love-difficult-to-discipline

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