How do you stop yourself from "losing it"? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 01-10-2011, 12:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm 6 weeks pg and I've noticed that my emotions are running higher than ever (even worse than my 1st pregnancy) and it's causing me to lose my temper more and more with my 20-month old toddler. He is really a gem and it makes me so sad and angry/guilty when I go into the tailspin of losing it with him. Mostly, I find that it's when I'm putting him down for sleep/nap. He is constantly putting his hands in my bra for comfort (weaned 4 months ago) and I find it very annoying, especially when I can't place him in his crib until he is COMPLETELY out and can let go of my breast. I need to identify my triggers better. Please tell me how you identify yours and how you stop yourself from losing your temper. I don't want to do this again, it tore me up today. Thank you ladies....

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#2 of 4 Old 01-10-2011, 07:36 PM
 
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You have to remember to think like a toddler. Maybe he wasn't ready to be weaned yet and he still wants to nurse. He isn't trying to annoy you, he just wants his comfort.

 

Maybe start a gentle sleep training method with him? I did this with my first DS and couldn't leave the room until he fell asleep but boy did it pay off. Now, DH and I can put him in his crib, say are good nights and prayer and leave the room without a problem.


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#3 of 4 Old 01-10-2011, 07:53 PM
 
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My ds2 (28 mo) has, for the past 1.5 years tried to pick at every mole on my arms when I'm putting him to bed. I've never let him do it. I've gotten angry. I'm slapped his hand :( We've talked about it outside the situation. The *only* thing I can do at this point is restrict access. The picking is a real trigger for me to lose it. If you've exhausted all your options, restrict access (turtle neck, holding his hands gently). I find my personal space boundaries are WAY more sensitive when I'm pregnant. 

 

If it gives you comfort that you're not alone, I think we all have lost it at one time or another. When I read this site I find myself thinking that I'm some kind of monster for ever yelling at my kids or swatting them on the behind (we're philosophically opposed to spanking but it happens occasionally). But, we're all human and not perfect. I'm even coming to believe that, while yelling/violence is not ideal, it's the overall attachment relationship with your kids that matters. Read Gordon Neufeld's  Hold On To Your Kids. I think we beat ourselves up needlessly for our mistakes and the guilt only makes it worse and more stressful.

 

One thing I DO find helpful is to play physically with my kids (rough-housing, if you will) and to have lots of laughs. They are better behaved when we've had that type of connection regularly and I'm calmer and less likely to freak out over something going amiss/something annoying me. 


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#4 of 4 Old 01-10-2011, 08:25 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elisheva View Post

My ds2 (28 mo) has, for the past 1.5 years tried to pick at every mole on my arms when I'm putting him to bed. I've never let him do it. I've gotten angry. I'm slapped his hand :( We've talked about it outside the situation. The *only* thing I can do at this point is restrict access. The picking is a real trigger for me to lose it. If you've exhausted all your options, restrict access (turtle neck, holding his hands gently). I find my personal space boundaries are WAY more sensitive when I'm pregnant. 

 

If it gives you comfort that you're not alone, I think we all have lost it at one time or another. When I read this site I find myself thinking that I'm some kind of monster for ever yelling at my kids or swatting them on the behind (we're philosophically opposed to spanking but it happens occasionally). But, we're all human and not perfect. I'm even coming to believe that, while yelling/violence is not ideal, it's the overall attachment relationship with your kids that matters. Read Gordon Neufeld's  Hold On To Your Kids. I think we beat ourselves up needlessly for our mistakes and the guilt only makes it worse and more stressful.

 

One thing I DO find helpful is to play physically with my kids (rough-housing, if you will) and to have lots of laughs. They are better behaved when we've had that type of connection regularly and I'm calmer and less likely to freak out over something going amiss/something annoying me. 



Totally agree with the physical play.  It helps me a ton to get out any sort of hidden aggression I have in a positive way.

 

  I lose it a lot more than I want to admit- usually stemming from hormones, loss of sleep, or something going on in life hitting a "soft spot".  I've sort of formulated a tactic for when I sense myself spiraling toward anger.  First stop, give myself time, lots of time if I need it...breath....think...pray.   Then I ask God to show my kids what they did wrong and to change their heart to be the kind of person that loves and forgives and does what's right.  Then, while praying, I realize I need to do the same.  So I ask God to give me the strength to do what's right for the situation. 

Then I usually apologize to my kids for not reacting the way I should have- because by that point I probably already did react badly and then move forward.  But I think the really big key for me has been to remove myself or them from the situation and get some time to think and evaluate.

I agree also, that we all need to forgive ourselves and move on.  It's amazing how kids don't do so much of what we say, but instead do what we do.  So, it's more important to love them and let them know we and they make mistakes and we can forgive them.

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