My son is nearly 10 months and he's had a temper since day 1. My 8-year-old is so easy going that we never dealt with any of this.
When he wants something and we refuse or take it away he screeches or cries. And if he's really mad he flings himself backwards.
(Usually only when his being held or he realizes he's getting put down for a diaper change- he hates laying on his back).
I know I can't really discipline him. Nor can I give in every time. Do I just ignore it as long as he's safe?
Now that i've wriiten that it makes sense. Just looking for other ideas on temper tantrums for the under one group.
Under 1 is a lot different than under 2. I wouldn't concern yourself so much with 10 month olds. I mean, they are learning how to communicate and are easily frustrated because of the communication gaps.
My oldest son was like that (his younger brother is the mellow one). At 10 months old, yeah, there's not much you can do other than start trying to give him words for his feelings.
Just for some reassurance, my very angry baby is four now, and is sweet and (mostly) "well-behaved".
I am also wondering how to guide my 6 month old, now that he is starting to discover his loud voice, and his ability to throw his body around like when he is getting his diaper changed, or put in the carseat, or something potentially unsafe is taken from him... I want him to learn that tantrums arent the way to get what you need, but how do you teach such a young one?
Just a thought...maybe sign language might bridge the communication gap and decrease his frustration? If so, it's a great age to start.
Momma to a weaning nursling DS1 (8/10) and expecting #2 (EDD 9/12). DS1 currently Milk, Soy, Egg, Peas, Peanut, & Tree Nut Free (hives/vomiting).
I have started with sign language a little- what ways can I use it in this context? I'm sure he is intaking what I am showing him, but it seems like he hardly notices when I sign to him -- when he is upset, it would seem like he would pay even less attention ??
We are trying to do sign as well, but he's just not making the connection. I've been focusing on 'drink' because he screams half of our mealtime for a drink. (He's a very thirsty guy). Keep trying and trucking.
BryMama, you're right you have to teach him the signs when he's not upset. You cannot teach anyone in teh middle of a temper tantrum.
My 14 month old has started temper tantrums - mostly because I really cannot hold him sometimes. I WAH 3 days a week, and I can only work certain hours of the day (If I could work at night, while he slept, that would be great but the system isn't available then).
What I am trying to do with a little success, is have him say "up" when he wants to be held, rather than pinching my arm and screaming. at the very least hold his arms up. And while he isn't quite saying "up" it is more like "Ugh", it is close enough and I will hold him for a minute and then try to redirect him. (doesn't always work, but I try).
In your case, I think 10 months is old enough to work on asking for things calmly - through sign or word/sounds - I think the trick may be to try to satisfy those wants/needs prior to it getting to tantrum level.
Good luck, this is just a difficult stage (for both parent and baby) for communication imho. I am hoping it improves quickly!
Katrina - Mama to Gabriel 11/20/2009 and Norah 10/11/2011- married to Wayne -  and now new baby Theodore born 3/11/13
As far as diaper changes go, I've found w/ DD (14 mo) that sometimes if I hand her a toy, or one small one for each hand, it keeps her distracted long enough that I can change her without her fussing (or trying to shove her hands in her messy diaper - yuck!). Maybe that would help for you too?
Also, I usually give her a sippy cup during car rides when she is in her car seat, or toys, or a book to look at. Sometimes she throws them out of her car seat, but sometimes she actually plays, or "reads" to herself.
I definitely say, for a 10mo, go for distraction. DD, even though she's 14 mo, is still not quite at an age where she can fully understand if she's doing something wrong, or dangerous. Usually if she has one of her short-lived tantrums, where she throws herself backward and screams, I just hold her arm (to make sure she doesn't hurt her head on the floor of wherever we are), and I'll sort of just ignore the tantrum for a minute until she calms down. Once she's a little calmer, it's easier to figure out what she wants.
I have an almost 8 month old and I can totally relate. He's a fiery one! Usually we use distraction too, or I try to sing. Diaper changes are the biggest issue. We also try and do them on a full belly, which seems to make them go down easier. If it's real bad and we're both home, one of us will hold him during the change.
I do use a firm "no," sometimes, which seems to work. He understands the serious tone. I don't yell, of course, but I make my point clear.
At this age I'd say it's all about distraction. If he screams because he can't have something quickly present him with something equally or more exciting, or take him into a different room to look out the window... or whatever works.
Kate, mom to 7 year old Djuna and 4 yr old Alden. Missing our good friend Hal the cat who died June 2, 2010
This might a good time to start ECing for you...at least for poops, and then you could maybe use pull ups to avoid having to lay DS down for changes. As much as I can I take DD to the bathroom to use her potty and we take her diaper off like undies and then I prep another one and pull it up for her as she is standing (Is your little one standing yet?) and then maybe I tighten up the waist band as she hugs me. She hates being on her back, too.
I think at 10 months you need to let them have their feelings as long as it is safe. Yes, being calm and modelling how to ask for things is good, but they are so small and their feelings are so big...they've got to let it out! Just be there loving and patient until they calm down. I think it is good to start using some reflection with them as well, while they are worked up like I might say: "Eily is MAD Emily MAD MAD MAD, Emily want fork! Emily want want want! Mommy love Emily, and just hold her and let her know you understand, but you can't give in.
Signing does help them communicate needs and wants, but it doesn't help much IME when they want something they can't have, like to throw themselves off a cement staircase.
It helps for me to re-frame this a communication, as the PP noted. I don't really see this as temper tantrums, but more an expression in the only language he has. This SUCKS! You do NOT want to be lying on your back. Mommy! You just DO not understand that I do NOT want this right now. I know darling, if you could choose this would not be your choice. And sometimes - STOP fighting it and it will go quicker, kid. I know what you mean because I'm dealing with exactly the same thing on diaper changes. My new thing is to get the old one off while he's standing and holding on to me. And get the new out out while he's stranding. Then lay him down real quick for the actually fastening. Then stand back up to fasten one-sie.
His behavior seems pretty common for a ten-month-old. Especially if he's not saying many words; what you describe is his only form of communication. I would try to figure out his dislikes/likes, and try my hardest to comply. If he drinks a lot at dinner, have two cups ready for him. If he doesn't like diaper changes, have a book for him to look through or a toy to play with while he is being changed. He seems like an independent little guy that is willing to vocalize his needs. Also, comparing him to another child is never a good idea. They may have the same genes, but they have had a different environment for their 1st year.