Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In a state of constant confusion
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|Originally posted by Gidget
If we do not "make" our children abide by standards, we are doing them a great injustice and when they are released into the REAL world... We teach our children to get along with other people and respect them and thier feelings...if we all taught them that self gratification comes first...There would be total chaos as everyone else satisfied their owns wants. THere is a difference between wants and needs. They can learn that thier feelings do matter, but not at the expense of everyone else in the world.
...I would not grab another persons cell phone and just start using it cause it is there. I think the same needs to be taught to our kids so they can learn to get along in the world
|Originally posted by EllieB
I'm all for GD and everything but does anyone else just see people taking it completely too far? I feel like certain places I go mothers are trying so hard to react "correctly" to their kids behavior that they are oblivious to other people's needs. I will give a couple examples.
At the library yesterday, a young (maybe 2.5?) boy was throwing toys at other kids. His mother launched into a big discussion of this not being safe behavior, we must apologize, I don't feel good when you do this etc. Fine. Not 2 minutes later he grabbed onto a girls leg and refused to let go. Again the same discussion (while the kid is still holding onto the girl!) and then a counting to 3 until she "helped" him let go of her. Then he pushed a kid down, same discussion, which lasted at least 5 minutes. The whole time she is telling him if he can't play safe they will have to leave (and not leaving). Finally he pushed my ds (he's 14 mo) down on the floor and again the discussion. She did make him apologize and then they left, but only b/c they were leaving anyway.
How would you react to this? If this is what GD is I guess I don't do it. I would have had a discussion after the 1st incident, if my kid grabbed another kid and wouldn't let go, I would immediately pry him off, I wouldn't let him hang on while I negotiated w/ him! And if he pushed or hit anyone we would leave right away. That's how I react b/c the library is for everyone, and I don't feel my child (acting this way) should be allowed to stay if he is bothering other children and interfering w/ their fun.
Example #2. A child takes a toy away from my dd. The mom, seeing this, launches into a long discussion about this not being ok, let's give it back, do you want me to help you give it back, etc. End result, the kid doesn't give it back and my dd is upset. If my kid takes something from another kid, I will first ask her nicely to give it back, then tell her if she cannot play nicely we can't stay (these aren't personally owned toys). And if she won't give it back, I take it from her and give it back myself!
I just think I need to draw a line somewhere between my concern for my kids feelings and needs and those of other people. As much as possible I want to keep them from disturbing and hurting other kids either emotionally or physically. Where do you draw the line? Are these examples proper GD in your mind or going too far? Just curious...
|Originally posted by akirasmama
As an adult *I* have left places that were too loud and rowdy, or where 1 or 2 people were behaving in a way that I found unpleasant. It might not be "fair" or "right" but it is life. In situations with other children I do the same. If a child is repeatedly agressive against my child and it is becoming unpleasant, we leave.
We seem to expect children to 'behave' in such a way or parents 'make' them be respectful so we can all enjoy the space together. To me that just seems unrealistic. Adult situations rarely end up that way.
I am not really sure what my point is, but it just seems parents have all sorts of unrealistic expectations of how children *should* and *should not* behave at playgroups. It just seems like there is one set of expectations for adults and another for children....
|Tough issue, but I DO leave with my ds if I tell him that I will if he continues inappropriate behavior. I think the key is following through no matter what. If your kid thinks you're wishy-washy you're screwed . YKWIM?|
|Originally posted by CraftyMommaOf2
I think the key is following through no matter what. If your kid thinks you're wishy-washy you're screwed :LOL . YKWIM?