The WHINING is driving me INSANE!!!!!! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 28 Old 03-01-2011, 05:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My incredibly verbal just turned 2yo (he's almost 26mo) is driving me NUTS.  He's incredibly social, not in daycare until next week (so really I'm in survival mode, but then it will only be 2days/week until I'm working full time), and I desperately need a job.  I absolutely DESPISE being a SAHM, and need a job anyway b/c I'm single. (I just finished the bar exam last week - I've only been home for 2 days and I'm already sick of it!)

 

My ds is whining.  CONSTANTLY.  It's annoying, it hurts my ears, it makes me LOSE my mind.  I'm TIRED of saying the exact same thing 1000x in 5 minutes b/c he just will not stop whining! 

 

HOW do I deal with it?  WHAT will make him STOP???

 

I seriously need some help.  Of course no one will reply to this b/c ALL of my threads on GD are completely ignored, but I have to try.

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#2 of 28 Old 03-01-2011, 05:38 AM
 
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My girls get whiny when they are bored or haven't had enough activity in a day. I can usually head off the whining by having at least one outing per day. Even if it is just the library or grocery shopping or a cheap lunch out or a walk down the street. I find that there are three stages to 'going out'- the anticipation, the going out and the settling back in at home. All three provide some sort of activity that (sometimes) keeps them from whining.

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#3 of 28 Old 03-01-2011, 05:44 AM
 
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AS I know exactly what you are going through, because I think Lincoln and Matthew are long lost twins, I say get out of the house, anyway you can.  Wear that little bugger OUT.  Not sure what the weather is like for you right now, or if that is even a factor.  BUt that is the only things that works for my kids when we are cooped up inside.  Get them out, let them wear themselves right out, and then they crash.  Charlie is begining to be able to sit still occasionally for activities, but matthew is still very high energy, low attention span. 

 

Except with Playdoh.  That kid will play with playdoh for a good HOUR.  Thats alot for him.  LOL

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#4 of 28 Old 03-01-2011, 05:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My girls get whiny when they are bored or haven't had enough activity in a day. I can usually head off the whining by having at least one outing per day. Even if it is just the library or grocery shopping or a cheap lunch out or a walk down the street. I find that there are three stages to 'going out'- the anticipation, the going out and the settling back in at home. All three provide some sort of activity that (sometimes) keeps them from whining.

I wish the anticipation of going out would work. He's been whining since 7am today and just won't stop. We are going out today - LOTS of errands to run, but he's not into delayed gratification.

Thanks though, maybe it will help after we get home from our errands.
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#5 of 28 Old 03-01-2011, 05:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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AS I know exactly what you are going through, because I think Lincoln and Matthew are long lost twins, I say get out of the house, anyway you can.  Wear that little bugger OUT.  Not sure what the weather is like for you right now, or if that is even a factor.  BUt that is the only things that works for my kids when we are cooped up inside.  Get them out, let them wear themselves right out, and then they crash.  Charlie is begining to be able to sit still occasionally for activities, but matthew is still very high energy, low attention span. 

 

Except with Playdoh.  That kid will play with playdoh for a good HOUR.  Thats alot for him.  LOL


I think while we're running errands I'm going to buy playdoh! Thanks for the idea.

Yeah, yesterday the weather was downright TERRIBLE - it rained most of the day, thunder and lightning for a while even. Maybe thats the problem today. I'm about to go insane though. We need to get a medical form filled out for the daycare, so we'll drop that off, and then I have to go to school to pick up my diploma (!!!!!!) and talk to someone about a job. Ugh. Too much to do.
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#6 of 28 Old 03-01-2011, 05:57 AM
 
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YAYAYAYAY, Congrats on graduating!  I know its been a long time coming and youve been working your tail off!  Good for you mama.  Give yourself I big ole pat on the back.  you deserve it. 

 

I know I will get flamed for suggesting anything brightly colored and plastic, but I suppose its better then loosing our tempers and screaming; When you get the playdoh, try to find something like THIS.

 

http://www.google.com/products/catalog?q=play+doh&hl=en&safe=active&rls=ig&prmd=ivnse&um=1&ie=UTF-8&cid=3405494164384439319&sa=X&ei=AftsTfaAF8T_lgfivbWkBQ&ved=0CHEQ8wIwBA#

 

I doubt youll be sorry.  WINK!

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#7 of 28 Old 03-01-2011, 06:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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OMG ds would freaking LOVE that bright colorful plastic thing!  Ok, its on my list.

 

UGH - but food.  how do you get a STUBBORN kid to EAT??  My mom spoiled him ROTTEN while I was studying for the bar, and now he won't eat yogurt unless it has fresh fruit in it, is doing the, "I want a banana.  Oh, now that its peeled and sitting in front of me I actually want an apple with peanut butter."  GRRRRR.  I'm NOT giving him one thing and then playing the, what will Lincoln eat today? game. 

 

HELP!!!!

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#8 of 28 Old 03-01-2011, 06:34 AM
 
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I find that variety is the key.  I buy blue berries, strawberries, cut up apples in advance and store them in a sealed PLASTIC container, and then offer a little bit of each.  Frozen is GREAT.  You can buy a giant bag from aldies or something, keep it in the freezer, and then just pull out a little as you need it.  It goes GREAT in yogurt.  Freeze dried has always been big with us too.  Cranberries, apricots, raisins, blueberries, and if you can find a larger version of those gerber toddler bit things, the bananas are excellent.  And all this stuff can be brought along for your outtings, and you have lunch and snack covered while your out and about.  ;-)


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#9 of 28 Old 03-02-2011, 11:38 AM
 
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I tell my almost 2 year old "I don't listen to whining. Stop whining and I will listen." ETA:What terrible spelling mistakes.winky.gif

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#10 of 28 Old 03-02-2011, 01:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I tell my almost 2 year old "I don't listen to whining. Stop whining and I will listen." ETA:What terrible spelling mistakes.winky.gif



I wish that worked with this guy.  He just keeps whining, and then keeps whining, until I just about lose my mind.  By the time I'm done with whatever he's whining about its ME saying "BE QUIET DS!!! JUST BE QUIET!!!  STOP WHINING!!!"

 

Ugh.  Today hasn't been much better.  He's also kicking HARD when I try to change his poopy diaper.  How do you pin down a 2yo so that you can change them into nice smelling monsters instead of stinky monsters? 

 

I'm pretty sure this is going to be a bad year.

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#11 of 28 Old 03-02-2011, 03:28 PM
 
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Ooohh! Tough one. In your case, is it possible that your reaction at the end is sending a message that your "no" is up for negotiation. Maybe try enjoying yourself while he whines so you can outlast him.

 

 

The other option is to distract him. With my 2 year old I have her washing vegetables at the outside faucet with a slow water flow. I live in Florida so not sure if that would work out for you. Also, my faucet is right outside my kitchen door. The idea is to get things done which if I don't, makes whining unbearable. My daughter still whines so I still have to remind her that I don't listen to whining.

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#12 of 28 Old 03-02-2011, 04:53 PM
 
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For whining my best strategy (thus far) has been to model *exactly* how I'd like them to say it.  So if I hear "mommmmmmm...... I wanna banaaaannnnnnaaaaaa!!!!!", I say: "ask nicely.  Say 'banana please'" (or "may I have a banana please" for an older kiddo).  We've been over that enough times that now I just say "banana please" and they parrot it back.... AND (even more exciting) a lot of time they'll now *start* by saying "banana please"!  I always say "thanks for asking nicely, I appreciate it".  This doesn't have immediate results, but if you stick with it it makes a big difference.

 

For the food thing (asking for one thing then whining for something else) one thing that's helped here is to set out snack trays with a variety of stuff (none of which will go bad if left out for a bit).  I also am careful to give v. small portions if one of my kids is going through a phase of asking for stuff that doesn't get eaten.

 

Uh.. poopy diaper... hmmm.. IRRC at that age I would lay ds down on a mat in front of the tv and let him watch a little bit of tv while I changed the dipe.  (FWIW we are now tv-free, but I'd probably still do that to avoid crazy poop-everywhere-due-to-freaking-out-toddler episodes!).


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#13 of 28 Old 03-02-2011, 08:02 PM
 
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Getting out and doing stuff makes a huge difference to whining, as everyone's said.

 

And for us it did get better. dd's 2.5 now (30months) and only whines when she's hungry or tired.


Thank you for this thread, by the way, because I just now realized that the incessant whining had calmed down.

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#14 of 28 Old 03-03-2011, 10:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by pianojazzgirl View Post

For whining my best strategy (thus far) has been to model *exactly* how I'd like them to say it.  So if I hear "mommmmmmm...... I wanna banaaaannnnnnaaaaaa!!!!!", I say: "ask nicely.  Say 'banana please'" (or "may I have a banana please" for an older kiddo).  We've been over that enough times that now I just say "banana please" and they parrot it back.... AND (even more exciting) a lot of time they'll now *start* by saying "banana please"!  I always say "thanks for asking nicely, I appreciate it".  This doesn't have immediate results, but if you stick with it it makes a big difference.

 

For the food thing (asking for one thing then whining for something else) one thing that's helped here is to set out snack trays with a variety of stuff (none of which will go bad if left out for a bit).  I also am careful to give v. small portions if one of my kids is going through a phase of asking for stuff that doesn't get eaten.

 

Uh.. poopy diaper... hmmm.. IRRC at that age I would lay ds down on a mat in front of the tv and let him watch a little bit of tv while I changed the dipe.  (FWIW we are now tv-free, but I'd probably still do that to avoid crazy poop-everywhere-due-to-freaking-out-toddler episodes!).


Thanks for the advice on how to get him to ask nicely.  Now, what about when he asks nicely (which happens rarely), but the answer is no?  Then he either 1) keeps whining, or 2) throws a tantrum.  Tantrums are not an issue.  I don't mind those.  I DO mind the whining, so how do I get him out of the whining rut once I say no to his request?

 

The diaper changes, well, if I had a tv I might allow a few minutes of it, but we don't even have one.  Hmm....I'll have to keep thinking about it.

 

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#15 of 28 Old 03-03-2011, 10:34 AM
 
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HOLY HADES!!  I forgot you dont even have a TV.  How are you doing it mama?  No offense to SAHM's who are tv free, I have nothing but respect, just cannot immagine it.  LOL  And we dont allow a ton of tv, and matthew could care less anyway, But Charlie is like his mama, and LOVES his movies. luxlove.gif

 

I forgot, do you have a computer?  Download some short cartoons or get some really cheap dvds from the dollar store. Charlie is obsessed with Woody woodpecker right now, and im pretty sure his great grandfather only paid 5 bucks for a set of 3 dvds.  LOL OR, I would have absolutly NO PROBLEM mailing you a few baby einstein DVDs that my kids just dont watch.  Free of charge of course.  Just one mama helping another out. 

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#16 of 28 Old 03-03-2011, 10:07 PM
 
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I find distraction works best at that age. When the whining starts say "Hey! What's that?! Is that an airplane?!" etc, or with DS2 he lurves being tickled and mostly that will snap him out of any kind of bad mood. Or turn it into a game "If you don't stop whining I'm going to smack your bottom!" then chase him around trying to catch him (my kids love when I catch them and pat there bum, don't know if that's very GD though!)


It's complicated.
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#17 of 28 Old 03-04-2011, 02:44 AM
 
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While I have found little distractions to work, it is only temporary. In order for distractions to work well, you have to be prepared like have an activity that will last at least 10 minutes. My daughter loves painting, playing with water, stringing rigatoni and dipping it in dyed water, playing in oatmeal. We bring inside a small, hard-shell pool, fill it with oatmeal, sand toys and cooking spoons.

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#18 of 28 Old 03-04-2011, 10:08 AM
 
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Two is a really challenging age, as the little ones begin to develop a very strong sense of self and with that comes wanting, owning etc. Whining at this age is very common, and super challenging to listen to all day. When my little ones whine, I ask them to find their normal voice, or another way of talking to me or to each other. I simply will not give them what they want if they are whining for it. 

My son used to fight diaper changes at that age, and he would kick me in my then  pregnant belly. I found that giving him a 1-2 minute warning that a diaper change was coming helped, as he would become engrossed in his activities and not want to be disturbed. If he knew it was coming, he was more open to it. Also, if he was fighting and hurting me, that merited a time out, because I simply could not accept those behaviours. Sometimes, I think they need a little time alone, in a safe place, (usually 1 minute per year of age), in order to realize that mommy wont always stick around to be kicked/fought with. Also, this techniques allows you to step out of the role of chasing or arguing, and into a place where you can model calmness and encourage respectful interaction. Good luck!

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#19 of 28 Old 03-04-2011, 02:15 PM
 
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Man... this thread is wonderful.  I am in the thick of this now.  Today has been a challenge, no doubt.  Just got DS (18 months of high energy) down, usually goes around oh.. 11ish and it is now 2:15, woke at 7am.  I am exhausted.  All he wants to do is nurse... just over a family bug last week.  I appreciate the thoughts on distraction as I thought I was doing this well... not today.  I actually sat him in front of the computer and watched an episode on Netflix... not what I like to do at all... he needs to move instead of sitting.  We don't watch TV either... maybe a mello DVD from time to time from the library. 

 

Thank you for the tips. 

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#20 of 28 Old 03-04-2011, 04:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, ds is at his dad's for the weekend, so I get a MUCH needed break.  I love him more than life, but man, this age is tough.

 

I tried the "can you ask in your normal voice?" and instead got an exasperated "pleeeaaaassssssseeeeeeeeeeee" in a whiny voice.  LOL.  When I say ask nicely, I get the same thing.

 

His new favorite "activity" is to check the weather, and then report back to me what it is (ie, he says, "I'm going to check the weather" and he looks out the window, LOL) So I asked him to check the weather alot, which made him feel important I guess?  I don't know, that helped a little.  We'll see how it goes next week.

 

Thanks for the ideas, keep em coming!!

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#21 of 28 Old 03-05-2011, 09:09 PM
 
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I don't have any suggestions but I'm subbing.  My 2.5 year old's whining is making me into a monster mama.  I'm feeling some serious rage right now after dealing with incessant whining for days and days.  I want to cry or scream or tear my hair out and my discipline strategies are gone- everything is threats and bribes and time outs. :( Hate hate hate hate hate the whining.

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#22 of 28 Old 03-06-2011, 07:20 AM
 
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My son is 19mo and is starting the same thing. What I've found what works for me is telling him in a very calm voice is that"Mommy doesn't listen to whining voices, I can't understand you. When you are ready to talk to mommy like a big boy then I will listen to you" then ignore him and go about my day. And eventhough it's driving me nuts inside remaining cool and calm on the outside is important because he is looking for a rise from me from the whining. When he realizes his whining does nothing to get my attention he will eventually stop and start to talk more normally. Good Luck :-)

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#23 of 28 Old 03-06-2011, 12:10 PM
 
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man, i can completely relate. my little guy is 27 months and driving me CRAZY. so so cute and funny one minute and whining and kicking me during diaper changes and just hounding me the next. he talks a lot, but not too much english (still baby talk) and i think he is really frustrated that he's not being understood as much as he understands. things usually wind up with me yelling "JUST BE QUIET AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!" which feels totally shitty, of course, and doesn't solve anything.

 

we use movies (we have a computer, no tv) to get little breaks but the unfortunate thing about that is then he's whining all the time to watch a movie. we've tried designating specific times to watch, but it doesn't work for us-- my mom is sick, i work varied hours, so we need those little breaks at all sorts of random times. 

 

a few things that do work for us- repeating back calmly what he said. sometimes he just wants to be heard. staying calm, finding my inner zen monk situation. (doesn't work when i'm over tired.) taking my own breaks. sometimes i lock myself in the bathroom to eat a meal, just to get some alone time. 

 

i'm going to start saying, "i can't hear you when you are whining" and i think i need a day off, too, of just peace and solitude, so i'm gonna have to schedule that in. 

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#24 of 28 Old 03-06-2011, 06:10 PM
 
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Including my own child, step children, and all the children I've come across in my 15 years of teaching...the one thing that works universally is saying, "I can't understand you when you talk like that.  Use a normal voice please".  Then I ignore them until they use a normal voice.  It almost always works instantly.  The important part is the ignoring.  :)


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#25 of 28 Old 03-07-2011, 03:10 AM
 
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Yes, the whining makes me crazy.

 

A friend of mine --a mom I admire very much-- used this technique with her kid;  She told him she couldn't understand him when he spoke like that.  (whined)

 

So, I do this with my girl now.  If she starts getting into a whining jag I just tell her; "I'm sorry, honey, I just can't understand you when you talk like that.  I can't understand you when you whine.  Can you use your normal voice, please?"  It works most of the time.  

 

 

When I was little, my neighbor's mom hated whining so much that she would actually smack her kids when they did.  She said she preferred crying to whining.  That's just nuts, to me.  But, yes, the whining is so very grating.  I would never ever EVER whack my kid, but I do walk out of the room, sometimes.   


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#26 of 28 Old 03-07-2011, 04:34 PM
 
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OMG, I'm right there with you. DD was stuck at home sick all last week and it seriously took I had to keep it together. I was so happy to drop her off at school today.

 

Here's the thing, she has been screaming and whining and clinging to me for 7 days straight, but today at school she was happy and "had a great day". I am clearly doing something wrong here... it's so frustrating. Her brother was frustrating as a toddler but I could always redirect him; DD just cries and cries and cries. She is so stubborn. I think maybe all I can do is survive this phase.


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#27 of 28 Old 03-07-2011, 05:52 PM
 
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Ds is a whiner lately. I have had limited success by turning things around playfully ni.e. "I don't want to go to bed, I want to stay uuuuuuuup" and I'll say "What? I acn't hear you through all that whining, did you say you wanted to wear a bag of potatoes on your head?" And then he starts laughing at his silly mother who can't hear and he forgets about whatever he was whining about. but he is a very silly guy. I can imagine that to some kids this would feel like they were being made fun of or their feelings not taken seriously. But for us it does work sometimes. But you have to be in the mood for silliness...sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not.


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#28 of 28 Old 03-07-2011, 06:49 PM
 
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My experience with DD at that age that about an hour of play together or reading books in the morning gave me afterwards an hour or two of relative quiet.
Dragging the child to playgroup, or library readings usually resulted in some relaxation for me, while I was there, because the other children were filling in on her play/contact needs.
Putting DD in a stroller and going for a walk is also a good sanity saver. Kids are usually more bearable outdoors.
On the eating thing. Tell him he first has to finish his food and then he can get something new. He'll protest some, but if you stay hard, he'll get the lesson.
Whining makes me go nuts, too. DD eventually grew out of it, but I can't really claim my mothering skills were the reason. Just tell yourself, it's a phase and it will stop as long you don't encourage it.
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