Day One! NO YELLING at all! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 75 Old 03-01-2011, 09:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Any body up for this?

Let's be accountable.

I love the days when I handle everything with out even raising my voice once.

Sometimes I just slip though, and make that angry ugly face and YELL!

Whether it's "STOP THAT!", "COME TO THE TABLE!", "CLOSE THE GATE, SO THE BABY DOESN'T FALL DOWN THE STAIRS!".......... I lose it sometimes and then I feel like crap!

 

I figure we could start today (I know its random) and chime in with how we are doing.

Keep cool when there is a conflict and report to each other how we "almost" yelled, but diffused it calmly.

 

I will be celebrating (or not) with a chocolate bar on Saturday night.

 

 

 

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#2 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 05:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yay! No yelling yesterday.

No one else yells here - even once in a while?

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#3 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 06:05 AM
 
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PFFFFFFT. 

 

Does a bear poop in the woods? 

 

I just don't like to be judged, so I dont post here often. 

 

Although I must say, I am super excited that I got through the entire morning all by myself without yelling ONCE! 

 

I ususally post over in PG, but just didnt want you to feel alone, because you certainly are NOT!

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#4 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 06:41 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ~Charlie's~Angel~ View Post

PFFFFFFT. 

 

Does a bear poop in the woods? 

 

I just don't like to be judged, so I dont post here often. 

 

Although I must say, I am super excited that I got through the entire morning all by myself without yelling ONCE!



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

The way I would get a day when I didn't yell would be if DH took DS1 all.day.long!

 

 

I'll give it a try, thought. It's hard to catch the attention of a spirited boy when you can't get up from the couch quickly (BFing)


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#5 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 06:47 AM
 
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Not BFing, still yell.  bag.gif

 

Its called having TWO spirited boys, one who is more spritied then the other, and after telling them 14 times to stop fighting or called thier name 27 times and they STILL havent looked your way, SNAPPING.  Hey, im human.  And it gets their attention.  Do I feel like a giant TOOLBOX afterwards?  Almost immediately. 

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Originally Posted by ~Charlie's~Angel~ View Post

Not BFing, still yell.  bag.gif

 

Its called having TWO spirited boys, one who is more spritied then the other, and after telling them 14 times to stop fighting or called thier name 27 times and they STILL havent looked your way, SNAPPING.  Hey, im human.  And it gets their attention.  Do I feel like a giant TOOLBOX afterwards?  Almost immediately. 


This is me.  Minus the older child. 

 

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#7 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 07:24 AM
 
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I'm in! I did this once before, though not on a message board, and I think it was good for finding other ways to get their attention or to calm down. So... I have not done any angry yelling so far today, I shall keep it up!

 


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#8 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 07:27 AM
 
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Perhaps we can call ourselves the "Not Always Gentle GD tribe".  Is that an oxy moron? 

 

 

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#9 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 07:31 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ~Charlie's~Angel~ View Post

Perhaps we can call ourselves the "Not Always Gentle GD tribe".  Is that an oxy moron? 

 

 



It's amusing and very true


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#10 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 07:39 AM
 
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I'm in! It's so hard, alright damn near impossible, not to yell when I've said ds1's name 4-5 times and he is completely off in la-la land. DS!!!!!!!!!! What mom? Grrrrrrrrrrrr splat.gif

                                       DS 7 ~ DS 3

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#11 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 07:41 AM
 
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I'm in, but I think I've already failed today.

 

My dryer is broke and we need to buy a new one on Saturday. DD, who leaves her clothes all over the house anyway had no jeans. Now, she's supposed to pick her clothes out the night before so we don't have this problem but she changed her mind. I told her there were some pants left behind the couch but I couldn't wash any of her clothes because the dryer was broken.

 

Then she stated yelling that I could have put up a damn clothes line (this from an 8 yo, sadly typical). I explained to her that the dryer broke on Sunday and we were busy Monday night and both children were sick yesterday so there was really no time to put up a clothesline. And that the way she spoke to me was very rude. Then she continued that if we really wanted to, we could have. And I lost it and told her when she grew up she could run her house anyway she wanted.

 

She's very much explosive-inflexible, but I know I'm not helping the matter.

 

I'll have to try for no MORE yelling today.


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#12 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 07:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AFWife View Post





HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

The way I would get a day when I didn't yell would be if DH took DS1 all.day.long!

 

 

I'll give it a try, thought. It's hard to catch the attention of a spirited boy when you can't get up from the couch quickly (BFing)



 



Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Charlie's~Angel~ View Post

Not BFing, still yell.  bag.gif

 

Its called having TWO spirited boys, one who is more spritied then the other, and after telling them 14 times to stop fighting or called thier name 27 times and they STILL havent looked your way, SNAPPING.  Hey, im human.  And it gets their attention.  Do I feel like a giant TOOLBOX afterwards?  Almost immediately. 



 



Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Charlie's~Angel~ View Post

PFFFFFFT. 

 

Does a bear poop in the woods? 

 

I just don't like to be judged, so I dont post here often. 

 

Although I must say, I am super excited that I got through the entire morning all by myself without yelling ONCE! 

 

I ususally post over in PG, but just didnt want you to feel alone, because you certainly are NOT!


I'm not talking about having to raise our voices to get their attention. Believe me, my DS has ears that turn off (and he isn't doing it on purpose).

I'm breastfeeding too and I can't whisper down the hall if I need them to hear me.

 

I'm talking about the type of yelling with the mean face and angry eyebrows.hopmad.gif Scolding, reprimanding loudly, getting angry instead of keeping cool.

 

This morning DD kicked DS' backpack while they were waiting for the bus. He was upset. I wanted to yell at her, but what good would that do?

Most of the time I do handle things calmly, but every once in a while I wig.

 

I am not even against all yelling. I think there is a time and a place (when someone does something absolutely atrocious), to let it out and be MAD!

I just think it contributes to hostility in the day to day aggravating kid stuff and I want to really stop slipping into it.

It takes my kids by surprise when I yell. My problem is I do it from pent up frustration and some straw (obnoxious behavior) will just break my back and it's kind of random.

 

No one is perfect and I sure as heck am FAR from it, but with practice, I'm getting a lot better at life.

 

I can go days and be "on the ball" and a great mom and then one day I just lose the ability to cope well with all the noise and kid stuff and POW! I'm carrying on like a real brat!

Not a good example.


 

 

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#13 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 07:46 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mom2happy View Post


I'm not talking about having to raise our voices to get their attention. Believe me, my DS has ears that turn off (and he isn't doing it on purpose).

I'm breastfeeding too and I can't whisper down the hall if I need them to hear me.

 

I'm talking about the type of yelling with the mean face and angry eyebrows.hopmad.gif Scolding, reprimanding loudly, getting angry instead of keeping cool.

 

This morning DD kicked DS' backpack while they were waiting for the bus. He was upset. I wanted to yell at her, but what good would that do?

Most of the time I do handle things calmly, but every once in a while I wig.

 

I am not even against all yelling. I think there is a time and a place (when someone does something absolutely atrocious), to let it out and be MAD!

I just think it contributes to hostility in the day to day aggravating kid stuff and I want to really stop slipping into it.

It takes my kids by surprise when I yell. My problem is I do it from pent up frustration and some straw (obnoxious behavior) will just break my back and it's kind of random.

 

No one is perfect and I sure as heck am FAR from it, but with practice, I'm getting a lot better at life.

 

I can go days and be "on the ball" and a great mom and then one day I just lose the ability to cope well with all the noise and kid stuff and POW! I'm carrying on like a real brat!

Not a good example.


 

 


I was talking about that kind of yelling too....

 

It's funny because I wrote a blog on it once (I can never remember when it's okay to share links)

 


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#14 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 07:50 AM
 
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Originally Posted by AFWife View Post





It's amusing and very true



Dang.  Where'd Charlie'sAngel post go?  My quote button isn't working very well.  Oh well, I like the the "Not always gentle GD tribe" idea.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellien C View Post

I'm in, but I think I've already failed today.

 

My dryer is broke and we need to buy a new one on Saturday. DD, who leaves her clothes all over the house anyway had no jeans. Now, she's supposed to pick her clothes out the night before so we don't have this problem but she changed her mind. I told her there were some pants left behind the couch but I couldn't wash any of her clothes because the dryer was broken.

 

Then she stated yelling that I could have put up a damn clothes line (this from an 8 yo, sadly typical). I explained to her that the dryer broke on Sunday and we were busy Monday night and both children were sick yesterday so there was really no time to put up a clothesline. And that the way she spoke to me was very rude. Then she continued that if we really wanted to, we could have. And I lost it and told her when she grew up she could run her house anyway she wanted.

 

She's very much explosive-inflexible, but I know I'm not helping the matter.

 

I'll have to try for no MORE yelling today.


 

I failed today too.  Mad yelling too, not just trying to get his attention.  The whining is driving me positively INSANE.  And then he wants a banana, but he only wants to PLAY with the banana, and not EAT the banana.  Well, I don't let him play with his food b/c it drives me crazy and its horribly wasteful, which we don't have the money for right now.  I know he's only 2, but we still can't waste 3 banana's a day!

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#15 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 08:06 AM
 
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I'm in, but have already flunked out today. Normally I don't yell much, but it's really hard to keep my cool when dd(almost 6) yells over EVERY. LITTLE. UPSET. I've tried almost everything I can think of with this child, I try to be accepting because I know she has special needs, we're in the process of getting her dx for SPD(mild-moderate), and either HFA/AS, most days I can handle the yelling(it's not constant) but today I really lost it and yelled right back. :(


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#16 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 08:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellien C View Post

I'm in, but I think I've already failed today.

 

My dryer is broke and we need to buy a new one on Saturday. DD, who leaves her clothes all over the house anyway had no jeans. Now, she's supposed to pick her clothes out the night before so we don't have this problem but she changed her mind. I told her there were some pants left behind the couch but I couldn't wash any of her clothes because the dryer was broken.

 

Then she stated yelling that I could have put up a damn clothes line (this from an 8 yo, sadly typical). I explained to her that the dryer broke on Sunday and we were busy Monday night and both children were sick yesterday so there was really no time to put up a clothesline. And that the way she spoke to me was very rude. Then she continued that if we really wanted to, we could have. And I lost it and told her when she grew up she could run her house anyway she wanted.

 

She's very much explosive-inflexible, but I know I'm not helping the matter.

 

I'll have to try for no MORE yelling today.


I have an incredibly inflexible volatile DD too (who will be 8 this month)

Too bad we can't get them together for a playdate! haha

I've told me DD that she can run her house the way she wants to also. She has all kinds of oponions and insults about things and is very LOUD.

She tells me that she's never moving out though, because she never wants to be away from me.

She is my number one reason for losing it  and she's NEVER leaving . nut.gif

Technically I can't blame her for my behavior- but WOW, she is my true test on earth.

 

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#17 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 08:08 AM
 
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Ohhhhhhhhhhh,

 

Wait, theres a difference?  lol 

 

I am guilty for all the same crimes, so fear not, sister.  We will forage this battle together!

Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2happy View Post


 


I'm not talking about having to raise our voices to get their attention. Believe me, my DS has ears that turn off (and he isn't doing it on purpose).

I'm breastfeeding too and I can't whisper down the hall if I need them to hear me.

 

I'm talking about the type of yelling with the mean face and angry eyebrows.hopmad.gif Scolding, reprimanding loudly, getting angry instead of keeping cool.

 


 

 



 

 

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#18 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 08:10 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mom2happy View Post


I'm not talking about having to raise our voices to get their attention. Believe me, my DS has ears that turn off (and he isn't doing it on purpose).

I'm breastfeeding too and I can't whisper down the hall if I need them to hear me.

 

I'm talking about the type of yelling with the mean face and angry eyebrows.hopmad.gif Scolding, reprimanding loudly, getting angry instead of keeping cool.

 

This morning DD kicked DS' backpack while they were waiting for the bus. He was upset. I wanted to yell at her, but what good would that do?

Most of the time I do handle things calmly, but every once in a while I wig.

 

I am not even against all yelling. I think there is a time and a place (when someone does something absolutely atrocious), to let it out and be MAD!

I just think it contributes to hostility in the day to day aggravating kid stuff and I want to really stop slipping into it.

It takes my kids by surprise when I yell. My problem is I do it from pent up frustration and some straw (obnoxious behavior) will just break my back and it's kind of random.

 

No one is perfect and I sure as heck am FAR from it, but with practice, I'm getting a lot better at life.

 

I can go days and be "on the ball" and a great mom and then one day I just lose the ability to cope well with all the noise and kid stuff and POW! I'm carrying on like a real brat!

Not a good example.

 


truly appreciate your candor, mama! i was stopping by to express similar sentiment...

 

my mom never cussed, when she wanted to yell she'd be really quiet or just retreat from me. same effect, i think.

 

i have an open door policy with yelling at and even cussing around my kids. frankly, it gets their attention. it relieves my tension and keeps me from feeling/acting mean. it brings the spotlight to the issue at hand and really makes my stubborn 3yo daughter focus on things through my repetition and vehemence, like putting on her shoes or cleaning up her messes.

 

most importantly, i want my kids to know that they in no way have a paragon for a mother. i'm going to get mad and i have a right to express it, just like they do. i don't yell to scare or hurt them but i'm a person in this family with feelings also and the sooner i get my needs met the sooner i can meet theirs. i've explored GD from all ends with major successes and failures and honestly i think yelling is a healthy expression of anger and enables me to truly keep my temper checked and be the gentle mother i really am.

 

i'm reminded of a dear friend growing up. i was rather horrified as a child to watch her mother (a high school teacher) yell and reprimand at will. in retrospect and considering the permanent respective effects on my friend's and my senses of self, her mom was a true, loving, guiding hand.


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truly appreciate your candor, mama! i was stopping by to express similar sentiment...

 

my mom never cussed, when she wanted to yell she'd be really quiet or just retreat from me. same effect, i think.

 

i have an open door policy with yelling at and even cussing around my kids. frankly, it gets their attention. it relieves my tension and keeps me from feeling/acting mean. it brings the spotlight to the issue at hand and really makes my stubborn 3yo daughter focus on things through my repetition and vehemence, like putting on her shoes or cleaning up her messes.

 

most importantly, i want my kids to know that they in no way have a paragon for a mother. i'm going to get mad and i have a right to express it, just like they do. i don't yell to scare or hurt them but i'm a person in this family with feelings also and the sooner i get my needs met the sooner i can meet theirs. i've explored GD from all ends with major successes and failures and honestly i think yelling is a healthy expression of anger and enables me to truly keep my temper checked and be the gentle mother i really am.

 

i'm reminded of a dear friend growing up. i was rather horrified as a child to watch her mother (a high school teacher) yell and reprimand at will. in retrospect and considering the permanent respective effects on my friend's and my senses of self, her mom was a true, loving, guiding hand.


I'm liking this train of thought.  I really don't like yelling, but I do it sometimes.  I'm just not good at staying calm.  I've even spanked a few times in the last 2 days b/c I'm losing my mind with my highly spirited 2yo who just.will.not.listen.at.all.to.anything.I.say.  AAAAHHHHHHHH.  Thank god this only lasts a few weeks till I start work, but I'm home right now and I need some methods of calming myself down so that I don't scream at him constantly, or spank anymore.  I REALLY need to stop that.  redface.gif  (please PLEASE no flames - I'm NOT a good SAHM and I need to start working so that I'm not one anymore)

 

Can you elaborate more on the last sentence?  What is the difference between your sense of self and your friends?  I'm honestly curious, my parents yelled, and my brothers and I seem to have turned into good independant, hard working adults, but not I'm rambling and don't know where I'm going.  I just had that question.  Thanks!

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#20 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 08:36 AM
 
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Beautifuly put.
 

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Originally Posted by brooklynbabymama View Post

 

most importantly, i want my kids to know that they in no way have a paragon for a mother. i'm going to get mad and i have a right to express it, just like they do. i don't yell to scare or hurt them but i'm a person in this family with feelings also and the sooner i get my needs met the sooner i can meet theirs. i've explored GD from all ends with major successes and failures and honestly i think yelling is a healthy expression of anger and enables me to truly keep my temper checked and be the gentle mother i really am.

 

i'm reminded of a dear friend growing up. i was rather horrified as a child to watch her mother (a high school teacher) yell and reprimand at will. in retrospect and considering the permanent respective effects on my friend's and my senses of self, her mom was a true, loving, guiding hand.



 

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#21 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 09:54 AM
 
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Hi mamas, can I join the club?

 

My worst time of day is bedtime (the kids' bedtime that is).  I dunno... I seem to have run out of patience by then or something.  Last night was not great dealing with my 6yo.  Anyway, I'm here to turn over a new leaf.  I feel like sometimes I get into the habit of yelling, it's too easy to fall into anger over little things when I could just take a moment and a few deep breaths to bring my emotions down a notch, yk.  So, starting today I will post to this thread and try to do better!


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#22 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 10:06 AM
 
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Failed today. He was yanking on my hair from behind the chair while I was on the phone.


 


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#23 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 10:21 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post


I'm liking this train of thought.  I really don't like yelling, but I do it sometimes.  I'm just not good at staying calm.  I've even spanked a few times in the last 2 days b/c I'm losing my mind with my highly spirited 2yo who just.will.not.listen.at.all.to.anything.I.say.  AAAAHHHHHHHH.  Thank god this only lasts a few weeks till I start work, but I'm home right now and I need some methods of calming myself down so that I don't scream at him constantly, or spank anymore.  I REALLY need to stop that.  redface.gif  (please PLEASE no flames - I'm NOT a good SAHM and I need to start working so that I'm not one anymore)

 

Can you elaborate more on the last sentence?  What is the difference between your sense of self and your friends?  I'm honestly curious, my parents yelled, and my brothers and I seem to have turned into good independant, hard working adults, but not I'm rambling and don't know where I'm going.  I just had that question.  Thanks!


in the same sentiment of no flames please, when i get to that breaking point with them i just do something decadent and naughty for myself... have some chocolate, pour a drink, or more awesomely do a yoga class. the whole mother's little helper thing, kwim ;) once i can flip my own off switch i can go back to them with renewed patience or actually enjoy them. even going outside works wonders. 2 was the hardest age in that respect with my daughter. now she communicates much better and my son is completely sunny and responds so well to the happiest toddler techniques of mirroring emotions, validating and when all else fails, his pacifier and a back carry.

 

i quit high school after junior year and left home for an early acceptance to college which was all a big means to get out of my mom's house and culminated in an abusive marriage from 18-25, nomadic living, total isolation from most and at times all of my family until i popped back up, divorced, and made the big effort to rejoin society and start my real life.

 

versus my friend who worked her way up from unremarkable to third in her high school class, went off to college and brought along wonderfully high standards for the people in her life. never settled for a sub-par job, friend or man. all her mom's browbeating amounted to a tremendous amount of faith in the person she could be. now she too is a teacher and handles life sensibly, sets and accomplishes goals, lives thrifty and moderate.

 

loaded question, rambling answer, hth at all!


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Beautifuly put.
 



 


thanks, mama! keeping your sanity with two as close as yours is noble work, hats off :D

 


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#24 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 10:45 AM
 
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 Sheepish.gif Awwww, thanks! 

 

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Originally Posted by brooklynbabymama View Post


thanks, mama! keeping your sanity with two as close as yours is noble work, hats off :D

 


I joke with my GF who has 1 year old twin girls, that I honestly wonder which is harder, twins, or irish twins.  LOL!
 

 

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#25 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 10:46 AM
 
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Double post.

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#26 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 10:47 AM
 
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I started my Day One to NO YELLING, too! Well, I am on day 7.

 

If you would like to know how I did it, this is how:

 

My daughter is not yet two. When I yelled at her, she would either look scared, cry, yell back or run away. She was born with the ability to communicate her boundaries. She was saying to me, you are making me feel unsafe. These were provided to her by her primitive brain. If I did not stop at once, I was only teaching her that her boundaries were not to be respected or listened to.

 

It is my job to protect my daughter and if she must protect herself from me, the intruder is already here inside the house with her.

 

Yelling is a way of communicating that I am unpredictable.

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#27 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 11:40 AM
 
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Dang it - I already slipped up!  I yelled earlier to get dd's attention.  At least it wasn't angry yelling.

 

Ok, reset.  Let's try this again...


Kate, mom to 7 year old Djuna and 4 yr old Alden. Missing our good friend Hal the cat who died June 2, 2010

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#28 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 11:52 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzy Bee View Post

I started my Day One to NO YELLING, too! Well, I am on day 7.

 

If you would like to know how I did it, this is how:

 

My daughter is not yet two. When I yelled at her, she would either look scared, cry, yell back or run away. She was born with the ability to communicate her boundaries. She was saying to me, you are making me feel unsafe. These were provided to her by her primitive brain. If I did not stop at once, I was only teaching her that her boundaries were not to be respected or listened to.

 

It is my job to protect my daughter and if she must protect herself from me, the intruder is already here inside the house with her.

 

Yelling is a way of communicating that I am unpredictable.


Good point. I definitely check myself too when my daughter starts to react nervously. If she gets sad she gets a hug and apology. The boy is never fazed, but he's also generally good at minding me after a few calm rounds of "no, Jack".

 

I think my job is to raise people who can keep their head while all about them... so I don't mind giving them some crazy for practice ;)

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#29 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 12:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brooklynbabymama View Post

 


Good point. I definitely check myself too when my daughter starts to react nervously. If she gets sad she gets a hug and apology. The boy is never fazed, but he's also generally good at minding me after a few calm rounds of "no, Jack".

 

I think my job is to raise people who can keep their head while all about them... so I don't mind giving them some crazy for practice ;)

Ha! Ha! Crazy for practice! Love it!

 

Of course, I agree with you. Our children need practice with less than perfect parents. I wrote that post for those parents who don't stop at the boundaries. For all others who do recognize the signs, say to yourself, there is always a next time to do it better.
 

 

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#30 of 75 Old 03-02-2011, 12:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pianojazzgirl View Post

Hi mamas, can I join the club?

 

My worst time of day is bedtime (the kids' bedtime that is).  I dunno... I seem to have run out of patience by then or something.  Last night was not great dealing with my 6yo.  Anyway, I'm here to turn over a new leaf.  I feel like sometimes I get into the habit of yelling, it's too easy to fall into anger over little things when I could just take a moment and a few deep breaths to bring my emotions down a notch, yk.  So, starting today I will post to this thread and try to do better!



This is definitely my worst time of day too. The few breaths really works!

It's kind of funny though. When my DS was 4 he would do something naughty and then say "mom, time to your deep breaths now".

 

 

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