Hello! My husband and I are having a problem with communication. We have a blended family (three children are mine, one is his) and discipline is becoming quite an issue. He's having some health problems (cancer) and the treatment has given him quite an attitude lately, due to the nastiness of the side effects. He has become sick, exhausted and short-tempered. It has kind of brought our problem to a head. He says that I am not stern enough with our children, because my parenting style is different (which to him means ineffective). He, I feel, is way beyond stern and more into hateful and belittling.
I just don't know what to do. :( My children do have some fairly normal behavior issues that require me to repeat myself, but his son has the same problems! Our children are all normal children who do normal children things. I do not like the way he talks to them (tone of voice, word choice) but can't seem to explain to him why it isn't appropriate. He comes from a family where it was normal to use foul language and yell a lot. He tries to limit the foul language, but he just can't understand why I keep talking about tone.
I am a really sensitive person and so is one of my daughters. Things like tone of voice and word choice are a really big deal to us and can literally put us in tears. Does anyone know of any simple online positive discipline resources that describe the negative effects of bad communication or the positive effects of good communication? Or even simple positive discipline info. Or any advice about this? I've tried talking, it hasn't worked yet and I feel I've just talked myself in circles (and he says I have lol) Suggestions?
It's so, so hard to get away from "well my parents did it and I turned out ok" mentality. There are lots of online resources and books out there on GD but basically what it comes down to for me is this discipline is something I can use at any age. Your older children/teenagers will eventually tune out the lectures and yelling or just won't care.
Cathy mom to 13 y/o DD, 10 y/o DD, 7 y/o DS