I am a total GD failure - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 34 Old 06-07-2011, 05:48 AM
 
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Originally Posted by rosadesal View Post

today we were at the store and she was climbing on the racks and an employee asked her to stop, and i grabbed her by the arm after you know, asking her to stop, telling her to stop, threatening to take away x y or z, and so on. no response. the climbing continued. we left. 

 

Too much talking?

First I guess - why did the employee have to ask her to stop?  (why weren't you on top of the situation).  I am just wondering if maybe you're not 'on top' of her enough.  Then, assuming this is not a first... that kind of thing would get one sharp comment from me and then we'd leave and there would be a consequence for not listening.  Like we'd go straight home instead of going for a treat on the way home or something like we might normally do.  

 

My 5 year old doesn't act like that anymore but there was a period when I had to be REALLY on top of him and pile on the consequences.  My DD is in the same zone now (she's 2.5).  Yesterday I removed 2 of her toys, locked her bedroom door for the day (so she couldn't get in) and she had to sit out of pool play time for a bit.  Today she is doing MUCH better.  You may have tried all this but for us taking a ZERO ZERO tolerance approach is necessary to sort of establish order in the home.   Even if that means that some days I do nothing but correct them.  But that's literally days.  Not weeks/months like it was when I was more half assed about it.  

 

Esp when you say she does fine with other people.  I know people say 'oh she just feels safe with you!' but I don't really buy that.  I think kids know what they can get away with. Adults do, too winky.gif
 

 


DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

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#32 of 34 Old 06-07-2011, 07:59 AM
 
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This is a very good point. Not to criticize you or downplay your efforts, but really make sure you are being 100% consistent. We have a very good friend with a spirited child. Mom thinks she is the stricter of the two parents and considers herself a hard-ass disciplinarian. However, the kid is just plain wild and NOT a listener. We hear stories similar to the rack-climbing incident on a regular basis. However, when we are together, I notice that there is A LOT of, "Please don't do that. Please stop. Now, honey.... Do you want a timeout? Should we have a timeout? Is it time for a timeout?" And I just feel like screaming, "GIVE THE KID A @$#&*ing TIMEOUT ALREADY!!!" We don't even do timeouts in our family, but if that's her method I'm not going to criticize that. BUT, don't sit there for 20 minutes, letting her ignore Mommy and keep asking THE KID what we should do about all this.  It's so easy to be on the outside and see what's not working right away. But I also know that in the heat of the moment, it's not so obvious to the mom involved.
 

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Too much talking?

First I guess - why did the employee have to ask her to stop?  (why weren't you on top of the situation).  I am just wondering if maybe you're not 'on top' of her enough.  Then, assuming this is not a first... that kind of thing would get one sharp comment from me and then we'd leave and there would be a consequence for not listening.  Like we'd go straight home instead of going for a treat on the way home or something like we might normally do.  

 

My 5 year old doesn't act like that anymore but there was a period when I had to be REALLY on top of him and pile on the consequences.  My DD is in the same zone now (she's 2.5).  Yesterday I removed 2 of her toys, locked her bedroom door for the day (so she couldn't get in) and she had to sit out of pool play time for a bit.  Today she is doing MUCH better.  You may have tried all this but for us taking a ZERO ZERO tolerance approach is necessary to sort of establish order in the home.   Even if that means that some days I do nothing but correct them.  But that's literally days.  Not weeks/months like it was when I was more half assed about it.  

 

Esp when you say she does fine with other people.  I know people say 'oh she just feels safe with you!' but I don't really buy that.  I think kids know what they can get away with. Adults do, too winky.gif
 

 



 

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#33 of 34 Old 06-07-2011, 03:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by swd12422 View Post

This is a very good point. Not to criticize you or downplay your efforts, but really make sure you are being 100% consistent. We have a very good friend with a spirited child. Mom thinks she is the stricter of the two parents and considers herself a hard-ass disciplinarian. However, the kid is just plain wild and NOT a listener. We hear stories similar to the rack-climbing incident on a regular basis. However, when we are together, I notice that there is A LOT of, "Please don't do that. Please stop. Now, honey.... Do you want a timeout? Should we have a timeout? Is it time for a timeout?" And I just feel like screaming, "GIVE THE KID A @$#&*ing TIMEOUT ALREADY!!!" We don't even do timeouts in our family, but if that's her method I'm not going to criticize that. BUT, don't sit there for 20 minutes, letting her ignore Mommy and keep asking THE KID what we should do about all this.  It's so easy to be on the outside and see what's not working right away. But I also know that in the heat of the moment, it's not so obvious to the mom involved.
 



 

I guess up until a couple of days ago I thought I was doing the right thing by giving my kiddo the option to self-correct her behavior ie. "do you want to stop doing X on your own or I will give you a time-out" type of thing.  But I think I, also, need to stop asking dd for direction and step up to the plate as the mom.  It has recently come to my attention that I personally haven't been taking total responsibility for my role as parent.  So I thought this comment was interesting because I am guilty of this, or have been but am trying to correct it.

Nothing else to add but that I sympathize with the whole smart-kid-who-is-great-for-everyone-else-but-not-for-me thing, lol!

 

 

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#34 of 34 Old 06-07-2011, 04:27 PM
 
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I don't think there's anything wrong with offering a choice. DS frequently gets a choice on LOTS of things. It's when you don't follow through with the "other" option that you lose credibility. Ask once, NOT 17 times (as my dear friend does)! I thought *I* was doing great by doing the counting: "DS, please go wash your hands, lunch is ready." No response. "That's one. Do it now, please." No response."That's TWO, please go NOW." No response..... (It used to work, I never got past "two" and was so proud of myself, since GD doesn't come naturally to me. Well, that ended and THREE didn't phase him til I started getting loud. Not what I wanted. So I came on here and got lots of good advice from mamas here who said that by 3, you shouldn't be giving so many chances to comply. Once is enough, unless you LIKE repeating yourself. They said say it once, then do it for them (or follow through with whatever consequence you laid out as the choice). And it's the same with everyday stuff like choosing what to wear: Blue shirt or red shirt? Let them choose, but don't sit there all day asking which shirt. Ask once, give them 10 seconds to decide, then let them know you're going to make the choice yourself. This sits much better with me, as I have no tolerance for BS, even if it's coming from an adorable toddler.

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