Sibling aggression - 3yo and baby - something that works! - Mothering Forums

Thread Tools
#1 of 2 Old 07-28-2011, 02:50 PM - Thread Starter
abqbabylove's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Albuquerque, NM
Posts: 19
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm sure I'm not the only one out there with a preschooler who has shown aggression towards her baby sister. My gut reaction when ODD hits or pushes or otherwise harasses YDD is an anger that rises up so fiercely with a desire to protect my baby that I find myself yelling or otherwise acting aggressively in return - clearly not a positive solution! All that does is escalate the problem and make our day worse, with ODD acting out even more. 

Recently I read somewhere that "a child who hurts is a child that is hurting." Wow. That really hit home for me. My poor daughter is crying out for her mother's attention, and though I feel like she is constantly getting attention, she clearly needs more.


So these last few days, instead of responding with anger, I muster up every ounce of patience in my body, and I simply redirect ODD. If she hits (or tries to hit) I say, "Let's clap our hands" or "Let's go pound some clay" and if she keeps going I tell her (calmly) that I am going in the other room with the baby, and that she can join us when she's ready to play nicely. If she tries to kick the baby, I say "Cool kicking. It's not okay to kick other people, but it's fun to kick the air while we're dancing. Let's listen to music and dance!"


I realize this is nothing revolutionary, but now that I've made a conscious effort to use this technique, I have seen a HUGE difference in ODD's behavior. She still challenges me (daily!), but not as much, and because I'm able to remain calm, she is able to quickly accept the new activity, and we are able to go about our day more harmoniously. Hallelujah! 


I hope this is helpful to another mama out there!


Lady Named Carlos

abqbabylove is offline  
Sponsored Links
#2 of 2 Old 08-12-2011, 07:34 AM
porcelina's Avatar
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 1,340
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Congratulations and thanks for posting! We had a lot of aggression with our 3 yo when baby came, though not directed at the baby. I'm sure your approach would have helped!

Mama to angel1.gif angel1.gif angel1.gif angel1.gifangel1.gif

DS1 (6) jog.gif , DS2 (3)sleepytime.gifbaby.gif DD is here!

porcelina is offline  

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Online Users: 12,749

24 members and 12,725 guests
AdisonBale , AllTomorrowsParties , BarefootBrooke , Bow , Clara John , customphotoprops , DealMop , Deborah , etsdtm99 , FairfaxGirl , fosteringdevon , foursea21 , girlspn , glance , happy-mama , jamesmorrow , katelove , kathymuggle , NaturallyKait , RollerCoasterMama , Saladd , samaxtics , Skippy918 , useherbal5
Most users ever online was 449,755, 06-25-2014 at 12:21 PM.