What is/was your 4-6 y.o.'s personality about cooperation? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Your 4-6 year old's personality?
More eager to please, barring difficult circumstances 1 25.00%
More strong-willed and still low on self control 3 75.00%
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#1 of 3 Old 08-07-2011, 02:34 PM - Thread Starter
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My 5 year old still does NOT wish to go along with anything unless he knows he has to. Basically he and I are getting kicked out of our church because the Sunday school teacher can't handle him (or the other kids, but mine keeps trying to go out the classroom door). Unless I or his dad has eyes on him he thinks he'll get away with doing whatever he wants to, and won't respond to a nice request to co-operate if he doesn't feel like it. Some kids are eager to please by nature, I was. Some are so strictly disciplined they're afraid to step out of line, I've met those kids too. Some have come to think complexly enough they know it'll be best if they co-operate. I stop him and give him consequences for what he does (sneak something at the wrong time, doesn't get it when he would have; throw a fit or act wild in the wrong setting, has to sit til he chills out; fail to behave in class, has to practice behaving perfectly at home while doing worksheets and reading with me daily). I correct him with my mom voice and serious face and he straightens up. This teacher corrects him with a smile and friendly asking him to do something and he has no desire to do it. I figure it's just his personality and immaturity and he's only a tiny bit on the slow side of this development for his age. Wondering if that's right.


How unusual is this, at his age, to refuse to do as he's asked when it conflicts with his wishes and he feels like he has a choice? Like "please sit here and listen to the story" or "please wait to eat a cookie until after lunch." But not closely supervised or strongly corrected right away.


Also, if at 5 yours would act like this, how long before they moved past it and what prompted it?

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#2 of 3 Old 08-07-2011, 02:45 PM
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My dd is 5 and I have the same problem. This is normal, but I think they do need to learn it is not okay. You said you go to church so I think you would like the book, Shepherding a Childs Heart, by Tedd Tripp.  I have not quite finished this book, but it has helped a lot already, especially considering I want to raise my children as christians.  It really makes sense and explains childrens behavior and different ways of discipline, but how disciplining biblically is the best way for your child and you.  I completely understand and agree that some children want to please and others wants to make their own agendas. good luck!

Wife to DH mom to DD(09-05) and DD(03/27).joy.gif

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#3 of 3 Old 08-07-2011, 02:56 PM
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I haven't dealt with it with my own kids, but I used to teach Sunday school (3-4 and 5-6). When I was running the 5-6 class, I always had at least one child like your DS from what you're describing. From what I've seen, it is not unusual. I learned pretty quickly that the sing song voice and smiles weren't going to cut it with kids with that sort of personality when I needed them to understand that I really needed them to do/not do something and adjusted my demeanor and/or phrasing accordingly. I was a teenager and managed to figure that out. It's a shame she hasn't managed to. I'm sorry you and your DS are being kicked out over something like that.

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