5 year old and lying - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 08-29-2011, 06:02 AM - Thread Starter
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Not sure how to discipline DD who has been lying lately to get what she wants. Most recently she told my DH that I said she could have a lollipop even though I said the no! Her lies aren't big (obviously) but have been frequent. Any suggestions for natural consequences?



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#2 of 6 Old 08-29-2011, 06:20 AM
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Originally Posted by queen b View Post

Not sure how to discipline DD who has been lying lately to get what she wants. Most recently she told my DH that I said she could have a lollipop even though I said the no! Her lies aren't big (obviously) but have been frequent. Any suggestions for natural consequences?




The natural consequence of lying is that people no longer trust what you say. I really can't think of any other consequence that wouldn't be imposed.



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#3 of 6 Old 09-01-2011, 08:19 AM
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I have not a clue in the world to answer you but I am on today looking for this EXACT same answer. DD turned 5 the end of July and it just seems like the longer she is 5 the bigger the lies get. The lies here are ranging from not wanting to get in trouble for doing something wrong lies or to get whatever she wants however she wants lies. We had a huge talk about how people don't trust liars etc but I just don't think its sinking in...

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#4 of 6 Old 09-01-2011, 09:39 AM
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Ahh lying! As confusing or uncomfortable as it might be to realize that your kid is fibbing, it's a pretty normal developmental bit. There is theory that it is one of the signs that a child has learned that her feelings and expressions of them are in fact separate from her parents. I know that doesn't make it feel any better though. lol


 So then what? I think understanding the reasons for lying is really key. We (people in general) lie because we are afraid of something. Punishment, embarrassment, etc. Or perhaps we want something? Lying also happens because we want to seem more interesting or funny to others, or to be "in" with whatever they are doing or telling. Very young children also struggle sometimes with seeing the difference between fact and fantasy clearly. Story telling was my son's big thing when he we little, and boy was he ever convinced and convincing sometimes. ;)


With the lollipop thing it's pretty clear what the motivation was: candy!  She's aware that her parents control access to the goods. I think you can say, "Let me just ask mommy if she still thinks a lollipop is okay right now before we get one." This way she understands that you two are going to be on the same page. If you wanted to address the dishonesty directly you might say, "You wanted the lollipop so you said mom said it was okay to have it. She didn't really say that it was okay though."  You can go on a little bit about how saying something happened or that someone said something that really didn't, etc is called lying."


Here are some links too:



"The true measure of a man is how he treats a man who can do him absolutely no good."
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#5 of 6 Old 09-02-2011, 05:07 AM
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Just an idea....I try to be careful not to trap my kids into a potential lie.  So, if I know they did something, I confront them...whether asking them if they did it on not.  If they are having trouble telling the truth, I am hyper aware of them for a while so that I do know what is going on, and I dont' have to ask them...and potential set them up.  If I don't know what happened, I don't act like I do, and I don't get in a position to have to take their word for it.


Also, like a pp mentioned, with the lollipop thing, I would just tell my child that mama and daddy say the same things, and that we will be checking.  Not a shameful thing at all, just a "hey, by the way, did you know it works this way?"

"If you keep doing the same things you've always done, you'll keep getting the same results you've always gotten."

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#6 of 6 Old 09-02-2011, 09:29 PM
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My 6 year old DD can't tell the truth. EVER! At this point all we do is say... "what really happened" if she realizes we aren't buying it she will usually change her story to the truth. She recently told me her teacher told her a secret that she was Gay. She has a fixation with people being gay since her grandmothers are gay and she just figured it out. No biggie, really but if she gets caught in school telling everyone that her teacher is gay and she told her that in secrecy then what?

my response "really? I didn't know, maybe I'll talk to her about it and she could give us more insight into same gender relationships since you're interested"
her response ( i think she only heard " I'll talk to your teacher) "No i'm just kidding"

Which gave us the opportunity to remind her that while adding to a story to create more sparkle is one thing, but making up things about others is completely unfair. And of course can be very hurtful.

You just have to tell them that lies can hurt people, it could hurt trust and it can cause conflict. My approach was not to call her out but to be interested yet create a situation that would allow me to find out the truth. This made her tell me the truth. Somewhat vindictive, but she hasn't figured that out yet, she will.
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