My toddler is violent, what should I do? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 10-28-2011, 10:59 AM - Thread Starter
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My two years old daughter, Jasmine, hit (when she doesn't get her own way) and bite (completely at random)....this baffle me as she was never hit by anyone (except some other tots at the park...and she started it) and never witnessed violent behaviors...

What should I do??? Is this normal? 

has your child ever gone thru an hitting phase-when did it stop?




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#2 of 2 Old 10-28-2011, 04:28 PM
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Yes, my child went through that and I don't remember exactly when it stopped, but I can tell you what I think was going on. Others may be more knowledgeable about this, but I've done a lot of thinking about my own kid and I came to the conclusion that while we didn't think we were doing anything "violent" to our son, it occurred to me that from HIS perspective we might have been. And I don't mean physical violence.


Let me clarify. From a little tiny person's perspective, parents are enormous and all-powerful. Unless we are the gentlest, sweetest human beings, we are always forcing them to do this & that, and even "non-violent" discipline such as a time-out may FEEL like violence to a little one. I mean, it feels BIG to them, and so when they have big powerful feelings but don't have the arsenal of words and coping skills to match, then they do what they think they need to do. I mean, imagine how threatening the loss of our approval must feel to them!


Anyway, I am sure your DD will grow out of it. I would just advise being as gentle and noncoercive as possible, while also redirecting her, showing her the way to respond, and I'm sure she will catch on. Back when my boy was biting, I still had not yet been exposed to the parenting philosophies of Haim Ginott and the book by Faber and Mazlish.....those philosophies that involve active listening and acknowledging what your child seems to be FEELING when they do this or that......the opposition and volatility goes way down when a kid feels heard and understood. But so many of us (myself included) come from a family system where parents are supposed to be telling their kid what to do 24/7 and then punishing them when they don't do it, so they end up with (understandably) kids who seem to be misbehaving all the time when maybe they are just trying to be heard.


Best of luck.


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