Your favorite non-punitive/gentle discipline book? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 11-06-2011, 09:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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DS is almost 12 months, very high needs and highly spirited. I'm trying to get my game plan together and make sure I'm on the same page with DH for when we start needing to discipline. So - favorite books/resources? 




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#2 of 8 Old 11-06-2011, 10:18 AM
 
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Hands down favorite is The Secret of Parenting by Anthony Wolf. Funny, gentle, wise and practical.

http://www.amazon.com/Secret-Parenting-Kids-Preteens-Without-Punishment/dp/0374527083
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#3 of 8 Old 11-06-2011, 01:04 PM
 
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#4 of 8 Old 11-07-2011, 07:25 PM
 
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For this age:

Parenting with Purpose by Lynda Madison -- I like it because it distinguishes 1 year olds, 2 year olds, 3s and 4s. (Actually I think it even talks about kids under 1)

Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by Davis & Keyser - focuses on the first 5 years

The Emotional Life of the Toddler -- not about discipline, but I don't think you can discipline without understanding development

 

Anything by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (Kids, Parents & Power Struggles - but your son might be a bit young for a lot of her ideas).

I like the Secret of Parenting too, but I don't know how much he talks about young toddlers

I'm not a fan of Love & Logic, but REALLY not a fan for a toddler. You can't implement "logic" until they have some logic. I think it's an OK approach for older kids (10+), but I wouldn't want to use it for my toddler.

 


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#5 of 8 Old 11-11-2011, 04:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChitownTracy View Post


 

 

....with your statement above I would actually look into learning more about toddlers (especially if this will be your first toddler : ) )

I think educating yourself on his upcoming ages/stages will help answer a lot of questions/concerns.

I tried to implement some of Jim Fey's Love & Logic with my daughter when she was a toddler- but it turns out- that book in specific is more of a parenting philosophy- not a tips/tricks book to help me get through the day to day toddler antics! 

 

often with toddlers the things that "get under our skin" are all very normal healthy signs of development & simple re-direction or encouraging the toddler to "use their words instead of hands or mouth"  etc

 

it sounds like he might already be reaching into toddler hood- a little early at 12 months!  Are their specific situations that you are frustrated with?

 

 



Yes - education on ages and stages is EXACTLY what I need.  I really want to know what he's capable of understanding at what age (although I'm sure I'll find that out intuitively).  I don't want to make those mistakes of trying to reason with him before he has the capacity to reason, you know?  Or explain consequences before he even has a concept of the future or impulse control.

 

Specifically, right now he bites.  Me (not nursing - he just bites wherever he can find some skin), and other babies.  He kind of gets it when we tell him "no touch," and after weeks and weeks of redirecting, he no longer touches the dog bowls.  But when he's focused in on something, like today when he was hell bent on banging another baby's head and biting his legs, physical separation seems to be all we can do at the moment.  Even that only "works" until I put him back down.  

 

I don't have unrealistic expectations - he's 12 months old, of course I don't expect him to listen or control his impulses.  I do my best to keep his frustrations minimal, but right now he wants to explore *absolutely everything.*  He wants to touch the pans on the stove (he now knows that there's cool stuff going on at counter level and isn't content to play in the cabinets while I cook - he demands to be held and then wants in on what I'm doing), he wants the pull-cords on the ceiling fan (seriously - how did he even notice those?), he wants into rooms when the door is closed.  He seems to know exactly what few things he can't have and focus in on them.  I wonder if I'm not providing enough new stuff for him to explore, or enough outdoor time.  I'm sure he's just naturally inquisitive and adventurous, but I don't want him to be bored, and right now I think he is.  Nothing makes him happier than "meeting" new people, so I try to get us out a lot.  We go to the mall and he just loves walking around grinning and yelling at new people.  

 

Anyway, I rambled on aimlessly there, but if you have any books that talk specifically about toddler development, appropriate language/discipline techniques for the various stages, that would be very helpful.  So far the Sears Fussy Baby Book has been helpful because he fits that profile to a T, but it doesn't really offer a whole lot of specific advice on toddlerhood.




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#6 of 8 Old 11-14-2011, 03:35 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luckiest View Post

Yes - education on ages and stages is EXACTLY what I need.  I really want to know what he's capable of understanding at what age (although I'm sure I'll find that out intuitively).  I don't want to make those mistakes of trying to reason with him before he has the capacity to reason, you know?  Or explain consequences before he even has a concept of the future or impulse control.

 

They're somewhat outdated, but I'd start with the Ages and Stages books by Ames & Ilg. They're helpfully titled: Your 1 year old, Your 2 year old..... etc.

 

I like two other books too: What's Going on In There? How the Brain and Mind Develop in the First Five Years

The Emotional Life of the Toddler

 

I'd reiterate my recommendation of: Parenting with Purpose by Lynda Madison -- I like it because it distinguishes 1 year olds, 2 year olds, 3s and 4s developmentally.

 

You might also see if there's a college nearby and see what they're using for their child development classes. Most introductory textbooks on child development are relatively accessible.

 

Quote:

 

I don't have unrealistic expectations - he's 12 months old, of course I don't expect him to listen or control his impulses.  I do my best to keep his frustrations minimal, but right now he wants to explore *absolutely everything.*  He wants to touch the pans on the stove (he now knows that there's cool stuff going on at counter level and isn't content to play in the cabinets while I cook - he demands to be held and then wants in on what I'm doing), he wants the pull-cords on the ceiling fan (seriously - how did he even notice those?), he wants into rooms when the door is closed.  He seems to know exactly what few things he can't have and focus in on them.  I wonder if I'm not providing enough new stuff for him to explore, or enough outdoor time.  I'm sure he's just naturally inquisitive and adventurous, but I don't want him to be bored, and right now I think he is.  Nothing makes him happier than "meeting" new people, so I try to get us out a lot.  We go to the mall and he just loves walking around grinning and yelling at new people.  

 

One thing that shifts between infancy and toddlerhood is that your job as a parent changes. In infancy, your job really is to meet all the baby's needs. Their needs = their wants, and it's pretty easy. As kids grow, we need to help them learn the difference between need and want. And then, we need to switch from preventing all crying to helping them deal with their frustration and powerful emotions.

 

It's also OK to begin to teach him at this age that other people have needs. He sounds like he might be an active, extroverted child. That's great, but if you need some down time, he can slowly begin to learn (it takes years) that sometimes, it's OK to be bored. I answered a gazillion why questions from our son. But at times, I just had to tell him, "I need 5 minutes without any questions" (to which he would, invariably, respond "why?"). Just the other day I had to tell our 7-year old daughter that I was not able to discuss the parallels between multiplication and division and addition and subtraction, especially after I'd just spent 20 minutes listening to her ideas for writing a book (complete with characters and plot), because I'd had a long day at work.


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#7 of 8 Old 11-30-2011, 05:51 PM
 
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Wonderful thread.  So glad for suggestions.  I am forwarding it to friend who was just asking about disciplining her son on facebook.  I don't think she is aware of gentle disciple so I was really glad to find specific resources to send to her.


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#8 of 8 Old 12-01-2011, 04:22 PM
 
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Positive Discipline for Preschoolers

Raising Your Spirited Child

The Discipline Book by Sears


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13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
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