How do you enforce things with a toddler/preschooler? Without being physical? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 34 Old 01-18-2012, 04:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I can't imagine him still being in a high chair, he was done with it before 18mos. He'd just unbuckle it & climb out. He's usually pretty good in restaurants so that was a one-off I guess. I don't think he has too much independence, most of the time I feel the opposite, that he's not as independent as other kids his age. shrug.gif

We did finally make a 'no [pretend construction] working on the house' rule -- and that's helped a lot, took out the ambiguity of OK vs. not OK pretend work. He is bummed that his favorite play activity is so limited now -- he can only use tools on his workbench or blocks, unless we've specifically asked him to help us with a project, but he is doing well with it & we came up with a perfect consequence if he 'forgets'... In fact, I feel like we've been doing a lot better with appropriate consequences, it's taken a lot more creativity and energy but it's working out OK so far, though I feel like we're still working on getting over the hump. Plus we're still dealing with major sleep issues, which makes it harder for us to fully enforce things, if he's melting down in sheer exhaustion it's kind of hard to get him to do much of anything but scream. greensad.gif He needs a 'sleep' button like the computer has lol. And he's still chewing his hands and ripping things with his teeth and putting everything in his mouth more than ever, even though his 2y molars finally came all the way in a few weeks ago... I can't figure this kid out.

Co-sleeping is really wonderful when your child actually SLEEPS!! familybed1.gif
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#32 of 34 Old 01-18-2012, 06:47 PM
 
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I can't remember from your various posts, but are you in a position to get him some occupational therapy? His behavior screams "self-regulation" issues (chewing on things, sleep issues, the need for physical activity and hard physical work like wrestling) that might really improve with occupational therapy. For example, the koi pond sounds like he'd been sitting fairly decently through dinner. And then his body told him it needed sensory input. What better way than to get all wet? (I'm sure he didn't think this through, it was much more subconscious than that.)

 

From all you've posted, I think that until you get his sleep and sensory issues dealt with, discipline is going to be a huge struggle. (After that, it'll probably only be a struggle.) From what you've posted elsewhere, you're not parenting a typical child, and some of the typical things aren't going to work with him. Have you tried melatonin for sleep? You're right that once he reaches a stage of complete exhaustion, not much is going to work. If he's usually operating from a position of exhaustion, it's hard on all of you.

 

Given that you know he needs a lot of sensory input, I would make sure to "schedule" that before and after times where he's sitting still or getting low sensory input. I'd check out a copy of Sensational Kids and try some of the ideas she has there for kids who need more sensory input than average.

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#33 of 34 Old 01-19-2012, 05:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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He did get OT for a while through EI but they weren't sure how to best help him so they discontinued services since he has no delays as far as milestones etc. He ended up with about 6mos of OT and although we did learn some things from it, she totally missed the mark with him & just didn't 'get' him. They knew something was off but they couldn't quite figure out what, and didn't know what else to do. We can't afford private OT while DH is unemployed, and because we had a less-than-stellar experience with the EI OT, we're not crazy about putting ourselves in debt for something that might not even help. greensad.gif I think I really needed to hear this reminder though, thank you!! Maybe the thing I really need to work on is a sensory schedule. I keep thinking if we can work out sleep then everything will be better but maybe I need to just give up on the sleep component and focus my energy elsewhere. I'll check out that book and see what else I can find.

Co-sleeping is really wonderful when your child actually SLEEPS!! familybed1.gif
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#34 of 34 Old 01-19-2012, 07:47 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy View Post

I can't imagine him still being in a high chair, he was done with it before 18mos. He'd just unbuckle it & climb out. He's usually pretty good in restaurants so that was a one-off I guess. I don't think he has too much independence, most of the time I feel the opposite, that he's not as independent as other kids his age. shrug.gif
We did finally make a 'no [pretend construction] working on the house' rule -- and that's helped a lot, took out the ambiguity of OK vs. not OK pretend work. He is bummed that his favorite play activity is so limited now -- he can only use tools on his workbench or blocks, unless we've specifically asked him to help us with a project, but he is doing well with it & we came up with a perfect consequence if he 'forgets'... In fact, I feel like we've been doing a lot better with appropriate consequences, it's taken a lot more creativity and energy but it's working out OK so far, though I feel like we're still working on getting over the hump. Plus we're still dealing with major sleep issues, which makes it harder for us to fully enforce things, if he's melting down in sheer exhaustion it's kind of hard to get him to do much of anything but scream. greensad.gif He needs a 'sleep' button like the computer has lol. And he's still chewing his hands and ripping things with his teeth and putting everything in his mouth more than ever, even though his 2y molars finally came all the way in a few weeks ago... I can't figure this kid out.

 

OP, have you ever tried giving him some Melatonin before bed?  We used it for a long while here, and I have a friend whose son has some major sensory issues (integrated sensory disorder==he seems to need WAY more input than most kids), and it works wonders for sleep.

 

As for everything else, it sounds like you are doing better.  You and Dh need to always be on the same page, esp. if you both are around all the time.  Be patient, consistent, and communicate.  There are plenty of things dh and I don't feel that we owe the kids a big long explanation about, but plenty of things that we have always discussed.  We have plenty of non negotiables in this house--you will brush teeth, you will wear a seatbelt, you will not tear up the house, you will use an indoor voice inside, you will sit at the table and act civilized for meals or we will never ever take you out in public to eat, etc.  One time one of our kids decided that it was a good idea to get up from the table at a restaurant and play hide and seek under the tables.  Not acceptable!  Said child (3 yo) had to apologize to the person who was occupying the table.  That made quite an impression on my child and it never happened again.  Obviously it was too hard for my child to apologize by himself, so I helped. 
 

 


Happy Homesteading Homeschooling Homebirthing Beekeeping Dready (& a bit redneck even) Mama to 4 fab kids :  dd (23), dd (13), ds (11), dd (5)

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