Hello-i never post around here but I need some suggestions! My DD is 4.5 and super hard-headed, lovely, wonderful, and spirited. my issue is this:
Ok heres our problem:
In the morning, getting DD out the door is AWFUL. She gets up, eats her breakfast, brushes her teeth, gets dressed, usually with no problem. But as soon as you say ok now its time for socks, shoes, coat, she completely falls apart!! She becomes this horrible demon child who screams and yells and kicks, etc. WTF? Her toes itch, her socks aren't right, her shoe is bunchy, she's hot, her arms itch. F uck winter man. i can't wait till its summer and i can just throw her ass out the door lol. all of this takes a good 10-15 mins, maybe more, and then i'm sweating, pissed, yelling, and late. EVERY MORNING. i'm SO SICK OF IT!!!!!!!! I hate starting our mornings off like that. we've tried getting her ready earlier, but it still doesn't work. she kicks her shoes off, etc. UGH. i've had it with this child. i don't even want to be around her. at. all. everything is a freaking struggle and my patience is virtually at 0. please please help. what do i do? i suck at this type of parenting and i feel so defeated right now.
Sounds like you need to have a conversation with her about what, exactly, is the problem. Maybe she can tell you what is truly bothering her and then you can come up with a compromise.
And, it is true that she shouldn't be wearing a coat in the carseat. My younger kids wear fleece ponchos, with hoods. You can google how to make them (super easy). At the door way, I just slip it over their heads. Then in the car, we flip the back part of the poncho over the back of the seat, and buckle under the front flap. So easy. Sometimes, when the van is warmed, the kids just slip them off. That's no biggie, though, because they are quick to put back on. Also, my kids live in their boots. They can put them on and off no problem, and it makes my life 10x easier. Would she slip on a poncho and her boots on the way out the door?
"If you keep doing the same things you've always done, you'll keep getting the same results you've always gotten."
Thanks. I know about the carseat thing...she pretty much always takes her coat off in the car. The shoes are more of the issue. It's like all of a sudden her feet have become super sensitive. I am trying to be compassionate but I'm at the end of my rope.
Put socks on inside out to avoid having the seam against her toes.
Re-check her shoe size. Maybe she had a growth spurt? Even if not maybe you could pick up a pair of cheap somewhat-too-large shoes. Maybe something like comfy like Crocs? If it's cold where you are then you could look for a pair of winter boots in the next size up - probably on sale at this time of year (or you could check thrift stores if the budget is tight).
What about carrying her shoes/boots with you and letting her go out barefoot. I bet it would just take a couple of minutes for her to be happy to put her shoes on. Or you'd be at the car by then anyway!
If you aren't adverse to the idea you could think of a short-term reward system for "good behaviour while getting ready to go out the door" (putting on coat and shoes without a fuss). You could do a sticker chart or similar. Perhaps with a small prize to be earned after x amount of days. Or, a similar idea without the reward would be to simply sit down with her to make a pictorial chart of all the steps needed to get out the door in the morning. Put it up on the wall near the front door and have *her* go through the steps telling *you* what's next.
Kate, mom to 7 year old Djuna and 4 yr old Alden. Missing our good friend Hal the cat who died June 2, 2010
One of my girls has these problems. She's 6 and it's been a battle for a few years. She is truly very sensitive to the way things feel and it makes getting dressed difficult. And the more anxiety there is in her life, the more sensitive she is. For her the things that have helped are going through her closet and getting rid of anything that she doesn't consider comfortable so that there are only comfortable choices for her, boots instead of shoes (she has a pair of uggs and a pair of cowboy boots that go on easily. Her problem with shoes was that the edge always touched somewhere around her ankle and drove her crazy, the boots go above her ankle), these socks:http://www.therawear.com/specialty-socks/kids-socks.html, a jacket with no cuffs or collars, "magic fairy dust/potion" -- talcom powder cream that I'd put on her arms, legs, feet, explaining that it was magic and would make everything feel good -- honestly it worked miracles, a bribe to get in the car (sometimes a little container of nuts or some other treat, sometimes I'd start a story that I would promise to finish in the car -- anything to make her want to get in the car -- not stated as "if you get in the car" (because that set up a fight) but "there's blah blah blah in the car for you), It's still not perfect but most days we get out of the house without drama.
I know your frustration....