I have a neighbor in my aparrtment complex whose DS is five months younger. I respect and like the mother and we get along very well. She is very AP parent but lately during our playdates her son ends up hitting or snatching from mine, which is very normal I know. But my problem is the mom doesnt try to tell her son thats its not ok to hit. And everytime I tell my son to be gentle with him, she tells me not to bother. I am confused honestly. Yes, kids will hit and behave aggresive but we as moms have to keep reminding them to be gentle and model to them the better behavior, right?
Our last playdate ended with my son in tears ( he is sensitive I get it) and I have since been uncomfortable calling her and scheduling our next playdate. I dont want to ruin our friendship as she is my only neighbor with a kid!
born on April 3 '10
First of all, I don't think their personality differences are due to your ds being an only child. My oldest was an only child until she was 7, and she went through an aggressive phase anyway. And your ds might at some point go through an aggressive phase. As you said, it is very common.
So my opinion about toddlers going thorugh this aggressive phase is that, while theyr'e in it, it's the parents' responsibility to tail their toddlers and protect others from them. I think it's something they outgrow as they get more mature and, often, better language skills, and I don't think you can really *teach* them to stop, though obviously it doesn't hurt to remind them to be gentle. I think it's something that they have to just mature past really, though.
Your friend obviously isn't tailing her ds, so I think your choices are to either cool things for a few months and see if the friend's ds has gotten past this phase yet by then, or protect your ds yourself as your friend's ds goes through this. But it is hard when you see another parent not stepping up and taking care of things they should take care of.
Holly and David
Adaline (3/20/10), and Charlie (1/26/12- 4/10/12) and our identical twins Callie and Wendy (01/04/13)
The one thing I can do is help my kids learn to stand up for themselves, among any kids they see. This will happen regardless of who your friends are or where you go to the park, so maybe this is also an opportunity to begin to teach him this. I don't know how much language your DS has, but I assume he could say things like "NO!" or "Stop!" or "No Hit!" or whatever. If he hits your DS, you don't have to speak to the other boy but you can speak to your DS. "Tell him ____!" (no, stop, don't hit me, whatever he can say). Continue the conversation a bit, for example ask your DS, "Do you like it when he hits you? No? Let's tell him "I don't like that!" Give him some more words to cope with upsetting situations like that.
So I will simply stop having playdates with her for few months. Sad but well..thats how it is.
I do like the advice of teaching DS to stand up for himself! Thanks mama:o
born on April 3 '10
Yeah, if you teach your DS to say "Don't hit me, that hurts!" maybe the other kid's mama will think twice about her approach. Or not. But a good skill to have. She's really doing her kid a disservice because other kids don't like to play with kids who hit. Even if it's developmentally normal now it won't always be.