Potty regression, how to handle - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-23-2012, 06:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok Mamas, I need some suggestions!  My 3, almost 4 yo girl has decided she 'likes' peeing on the carpet about once a day these days!  We've got a new baby coming any day now and I wonder if this has something to do with it.  She's been 'potty trained' for at least 9 mos. now.  We don't believe in punishments or shaming or anything like that, even rewards really, but, as I'm feeling at the end of my rope about this... I was thinking of perhaps an 'incentive chart' or something...I'm usually not too thrilled about those either but not sure where to go with this one!  Insights/suggestions?  I'd really like to not have to put her in diapers again, but I guess I will if I have to.  Many thanks!

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Old 02-23-2012, 07:40 PM
 
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Has she explained why she's peeing on the carpet?  Did she actually say it's because she "likes to"?

 

What if you explain to her that you need her to stop peeing on the carpet because that is wrecking the carpet.  You need her to put her pee in the toilet or else you'll need her to wear a diaper for the pee to go into.  See what she thinks.  One of two things will happen: she'll realize that she doesn't want to wear diapers and she'll start using the toilet again, or she'll decide to go back into dipes (fingers crossed it's the former).  Either way you'll save the carpet.  It sounds like you're already considering the diapers, so you might as well present it to her in the hopes that she chooses the potty.

 

Another thought - is she hiding behind furniture when she pees?  (Some kids get into the furtive toileting thing for some reason)  If so maybe you could explain that she can't pee on the carpet (it's getting wrecked, mess for you to clean, etc), but that if she wants she could have a "secret potty" (potty placed behind the couch or whatever).

 

Oh yes, one other thought - perhaps you could get her involved in the clean-up.  It might be that she doesn't want to quit playing to take the time to go to the toilet.  If she needs to stop and do a big clean-up then it might show her that it isn't any less time consuming to just quickly use the potty.


Kate, mom to 7 year old Djuna and 4 yr old Alden. Missing our good friend Hal the cat who died June 2, 2010

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Old 02-23-2012, 09:28 PM
 
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Wow, I just went through this.  In fact, I'm still going to knock on wood, because I can't believe that my daughter doesn't pee and poop multiple times a day in her pants anymore.....  I feel for you.  It was SO hard for me.  Kind of the same age and situation as you are in (pregnant, with an almost 4 year old already).  In the last 2 months of my pregnancy with DS, my daughter basically quit using the potty for almost everything.  She had been potty trained for probably a good 9 months like yours, too, occasional accidents, but doing pretty well.  I tried quite a lot of things to get her re-energized about pottying (M&Ms again, made a potty chart).  None of them worked.  In hindsight, if I could have gotten her back into diapers, I would have, should have, but I didn't really try, because she was really resistant to that idea.  Even when I told her, well, if you're going to wear the undies, then you need to use the potty.  I did have her help clean up the messes, even the poop, and that was a disaster (the poop cleanup, not the pee).  It was all really stressful.  Finally, I had to just let it ALL go.  As in, I didn't remind her to go potty any longer, I just cleaned it up when it happened, and kept telling her that she was in charge of whether or not she would put her pee and poo in the potty.  I quit being interested in it altogether.  Even when she went in the potty, I didn't even really get excited or praise her too much, because I figured she was doing it for HER, not for ME, and that is how it needed to be.  If she mentioned it, I would say, "That's great!" or "Good for you!" but that was about it.  I let it all go.  And I think it took her a while to see that I really didn't care about her pottying anymore, and then she started doing it all herself again.  Ok, so she doesn't ever wipe, or not well (gets skids in the undies) but I DON'T CARE because it's in the POTTY!!! WOO HOO!!!  It all comes out in the wash/bath time anyhow.  It was really hard for me to let it go, but I realized I had to, because she was in charge and that was it, and I was making it a power struggle.  She did it before, and I had to trust that she could do it again, IF she wanted to.  She just didn't want to at the time.  I think it was a bit of a rebellion over the new baby, and also a way to have some control when things looked like they were going out of control, and they were.

 

I don't know if maybe you won't be able to get your daughter back on track easily or not.  But if you try and it doesn't work, don't despair.  You might just have to let go of all of it, and then when she wants to, she will use the potty.  Knock on wood, mine did.

 

Best wishes to you!


Mama to a daughter (3/2008) and a son (7/2011)
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