What is wrong with her? (x-posted special needs) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 04-28-2012, 01:24 AM - Thread Starter
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this is again about dd1. i love her dearly, she is funny, cute full of fantasy, but it's not fun to be with her. she is disrespectful, not naturally helpful, not really caring, plainly disobedient.

we are having her evaluated, but it still does take a couple of weeks until we get the results.
- but the psychologist took us (the parents) into a class for parents with children with disruptive disorders. - i take that as a sign since we are still in the evaluating phase and she booked us in after the first appointment.

i love dd1, i want her to be happy. i want to be able to have a loving relationship with her, without constantly telling her to stop, or simply getting exhausted with her.
yesterday we were shopping, and it was a nightmare - again. she is shouting, touching, taking, disobedient and not able to focus - i can get ds to help me a bit and get him to work with me - that#s not possible with dd - and she is 6 and he is 3.

the parent training asks us for strict consequences, counting to three and time-outs. that does not feel right to me. but i don't know what to do to teach her normal social behaviour. kids don't want to play with her because she is loud, wants to decide everything and is not good with compromising.
it makes my heart bleed ...

please help me help her!

Trin with DH , DD(7) 
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 and DS(5) 
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,  DD(2) 
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#2 of 2 Old 04-29-2012, 01:09 PM
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I think it's more important that you are consistent enforcing the boundaries that are important to you then it is to use timeout ad your consequence. When my dd was younger I felt guilty about using any consequences and that was harder on my dd than using a logical (or even illogical) consequence has been because what was allowed and not allowed varied with my mood and stress level. I found that reflecting on the rules I felt were important then enforcing these consistently brought both of our stress levels way down and cut out the need for me to do much.more than remind her of the rule or expectation. I feel like consequences and consistency can definitely fit into a GD lifestyle.

I really suggest reading Raising a Thinking Preteen, Unconditional Parenting from front to back and The Explosive Child. These books helped me develop a more mindful approach to putting only necessary and thoughtful boundaries in place. The first book is one of my favorites because it is a family program that raises emotional awareness for all family members.
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