2yr old DS is pushing be beyond what I can handle. HELP! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 06-27-2012, 04:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My 2 year old DS is just.not.listening. I am at the end of my tether.

 

He used to stay on the sidewalk and stopped when I asked him to. Not anymore. Last week he RAN IN FRONT OF A CAR!!!!!!!! I was one step behind him, and thank heavens it swerved! Today he ran out of the back door of a cafe into a parking lot. I don't want to go on walks with him anymore. He spend the entire time in the stroller, except when we're in a park where I have lots of room to catch him if he decides to go for the street.

 

He also pulls the cat's tail. We say "gentle, gentle. We give gentle pats." The next second he has the cat's tail in his hands. We can't lock the cat up. That would be cruel. We do keep my DS and our dog separate because DS was jumping on him.

 

I know it is totally age appropriate to lack impulse control. But I need come coping mechanisms or something. Please. I'm a desperate woman here.

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#2 of 9 Old 06-27-2012, 06:36 PM
 
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Originally Posted by prone_to_wander View Post

 

He also pulls the cat's tail. We say "gentle, gentle. We give gentle pats." The next second he has the cat's tail in his hands. We can't lock the cat up. That would be cruel. We do keep my DS and our dog separate because DS was jumping on him.

 

What do you say to him/do in response when he does this?  


Jess, happy wife to Doug, mom to E (ds10), B (ds8), M (dd6), S (ds4), M (ds2), and a little 2013 valentine (dsT, due 2/18)

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#3 of 9 Old 06-27-2012, 06:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We'll say something like, "Hey DS we are gentle with the kitty. We give nice pats like this."And we show him nice pats and then he usually gives the cat some nice pats. And then I turn my head and he hurts the cat again. Seconds after we talked about it.

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#4 of 9 Old 06-27-2012, 07:28 PM
 
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"And then I turn my head and he hurts the cat again. Seconds after we talked about it."

- IME, That's cause he's 2.  Lots of kids *aren't* that way, but SOME are.  It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with him, it just means you have to work that much harder, unfortunately.  I am the mom of 2 very "energetic", curious, bright children - and frankly, it's exhausting.  But they also bring a tremendous amount of joy to my life and when they're *not* constantly on the go or getting into things, I worry.  ;) 

 

 I had runners.  I still have runners, albeit 6 and 8 yrs old now, and able to control themselves more.  Basically, They were either strapped into something, in a carrier on me, or holding my hand unless we were in a playground, for ages 2 and 3.  And I am not kidding - it became part of the routine as much as putting on shoes or locking the back door.  Before we got outside a door, before their feet hit the pavement anywhere, walking from the car to a store, etc.  Hand in mine, or strapped into something.  They weren't always happy about it, but being squashed by a car was not a potentiality I was willing to entertain.  Many kids apparently can be taught to stay by their mom with games and reminders and leaving places, etc.  But apparently, not mine - believe me, I tried.  When they see any plot of open land, be it grassy or paved, they need to run.  I think the coping mechanism is just that you keep him safe and don't have the expectation that he's going to stay with you.  Then you're not aggravated and pulling your hair out.  We didn't go to reastaurants a lot in that timeframe either, they just were not sitting still or being quiet kind of kids, and it was painful for us to have to try to manage them, and others to have to endure them.  Now they are perfectly nice, decently behaved kids when they're out in public.  But it took time.  And maturity.  And patience.  And repetition.  And emotional fortitude! 


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#5 of 9 Old 06-28-2012, 07:34 PM
 
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Well, its reassuring to know that I'm not alone!  DS is 2.4 and is a constant runner.  Constant.  I feel like I've tried everything, but nothing seems to have had an effect. 

 

So I pretty much have just accepted that he will either be strapped to my back in public or in a vise grip with my hand :) 

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#6 of 9 Old 06-28-2012, 08:36 PM
 
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I mean, I would still try every couple months, somewhere safe, to practice walking beside you and not running.  But don't beat yourself up or think there's something wrong with you or him if he doesn't "get it" and needs to just grow out of it.  Every kid is so different, and they all have things click at different times.  Keep on keepin' on!!


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#7 of 9 Old 07-04-2012, 07:48 PM
 
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I have a runner too (well, he's 17 months old so he can't really run yet but he starts walking fast if he hears me say "stop.")  I can't let him down anywhere.  So, he's either in the Ergo, or we are at a playground that is fenced in.  It's pretty limiting but the only way to keep him safe.  I thought it was an age thing but it sounds like, from some of the other posts, that it may not end any time soon.  Also, once I let him down in a fenced-in playground and then it's time to go, of course he freaks out and I have to carry him away screaming while all of the parents stare/laugh at me.  LOL


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#8 of 9 Old 07-04-2012, 09:10 PM
 
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You know, both things come back to impulse control (doing something you just asked them not to, and running).  Some kids get it early, some kids get it late.  My 8-yo is pretty good now, but his 6-yo sister still has problems.  They are *infinitely* better than they were at 2, though, so chin up!


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#9 of 9 Old 07-05-2012, 08:06 AM
 
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That's so hard! For running away, yeah we have the same rule that in parking lots, near streets, etc. that DD must hold hands or be held (or in the stroller if we have it). We let her choose, but her deciding to sit down in the parking lot means she gets carried, you know? I try to take her to parks, on trails in the woods, etc. where she can have more freedom to run as she wants to and it helps, but I don't trust her to have the impulse control yet when it is possible for her to get hit by a car. Some kids are darters, DD isn't too bad, but she will occasionally run away from me like most kids

For the cat, talking about gentle touches and showing is a great way to do it after the first offense. If he does it again immediately, you really need to separate him from the cat. Put him in the high chair, in his room behind a gate/closed door etc. And it doesn't have to be for a long time, but it teaches that if you can't stop pulling tails, hitting, etc. then you take a break from being with pets, people, etc. We don't have pets, but when my DD starts hitting/kicking/etc. sometimes she will stop after a reminder, but other times she is too wound up to control herself and separating her temporarily is the only thing to do. In a safe place with her lovey, but away from whoever she is hitting or just from everyone for a couple minutes until she has calmed down. And hopefully it will teach her that it is ok to separate yourself from people if you are getting too heated. I know some people consider time out as a punishment and I suppose it can be used that way, but for me its more of a take a break and reset situation.

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