Why not spanking ? - Page 6 - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#151 of 176 Old 09-07-2012, 06:48 AM
 
Russi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 4
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thank you for your responds. I respect your opinions and for the most part I agree. You should never ever hit your child in anger. Also you should never scream at them or make them feel unworthy. It would be ideal if we never had to discipline our children's at all. Time out, taken away privileges grounding can also be painful and disrupt the family life. Sending a specific child to there room alone can be abuse too. The best consequence for an action is the one you don't have to give at all. Like most questions in life the question of spanking or not is not black or white. It lays somewhere between. Every child and situation is different.

I am very happy if no parents have to spank there child ever. It is not as easy as telling the child that it can not have TV for a week or is grounded for the weekend. If that works for your child great, but if not I can not let the entire family suffer for month when I can end a specific bad habit by giving him a spanking.

Russi is offline  
#152 of 176 Old 09-07-2012, 09:43 AM
 
transylvania_mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: abroad
Posts: 1,080
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

nt


caffix.gif

transylvania_mom is offline  
#153 of 176 Old 09-07-2012, 01:33 PM
 
Midwesterner04's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 178
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I see that you are new here, Russi. Welcome! You may be interested to check out other threads and recommended resources throughout Mothering's Gentle Discipline forum--there are lots of good ideas for avoiding the month-long groundings, angry time-outs, and similar punishments you seem concerned about. Best of luck!
 

Russi likes this.

toddler.giffamilybed1.gifcd.giffemalesling.GIF  waterbirth.jpg. Can't wait to homeschool.gif.
 
 
gd.gifsigncirc1.gifwhale.gif
Midwesterner04 is offline  
#154 of 176 Old 09-07-2012, 03:05 PM
 
Peggy O'Mara's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Santa Fe, New Mexico
Posts: 482
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Russi, I appreciate your point of view, but we're not into defending or condoning spanking here at Mothering. The evidence is overwhelming that spanking is harmful. It is not just an opinion. I'm happy to offer you resources to understand this point of view, but want to make it clear that we're not here to debate the virtues of spanking. There is no debate.

starling&diesel and Russi like this.
Peggy O'Mara is offline  
#155 of 176 Old 09-07-2012, 06:02 PM
 
elus0814's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: where the air force says
Posts: 769
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peggy O'Mara View Post

 It is called abuse when someone feels entitled to power or control over another. 

 

I understand the point you're making but what is a parent if not a person who has power and control over their children? If, in my capacity as a parent, I did not have any power or control my children would be running the show. I do think children can/should be asked their opinions on various matters but that does not mean the parent gives up power and control.

 

For example, I have the power to put my kids in public school even though they enjoy being homeschooled. Yes, I do feel entitled to that power as their parent but I do not think that feeling like I should have the power to send my children to whatever school I see fit to send them to equates to me being an abusive person. 

 

As far as control goes - as a parent I am entitled to feed my children what I want as long as they're healthy, nourished, and growing. I am not obligated to feed them corn flakes or turnips or anything. I, as their parent, have control over what they eat (and wear and who they play with and so on). I don't use the power and control I have to starve them or make them wear rags but I'm still in control nonetheless.

 

A parent using the power and control they're entitled to in a way that hurts their children would be abuse, but having or feeling entitled to that power and control is not abuse. 

elus0814 is offline  
#156 of 176 Old 09-07-2012, 06:57 PM
 
Adaline'sMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 4,792
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Russi View Post

Thank you for your responds. I respect your opinions and for the most part I agree. You should never ever hit your child in anger. Also you should never scream at them or make them feel unworthy. It would be ideal if we never had to discipline our children's at all. Time out, taken away privileges grounding can also be painful and disrupt the family life. Sending a specific child to there room alone can be abuse too. The best consequence for an action is the one you don't have to give at all. Like most questions in life the question of spanking or not is not black or white. It lays somewhere between. Every child and situation is different.

I am very happy if no parents have to spank there child ever. It is not as easy as telling the child that it can not have TV for a week or is grounded for the weekend. If that works for your child great, but if not I can not let the entire family suffer for month when I can end a specific bad habit by giving him a spanking.

While I agree with this, I think I am typically more understanding of a parent who loses her cool and smacks a kid than one who is planning to spank and doing it intentionally with an intended result.

 

Personally, I think most people slip up and make mistakes. We apologize for them and move on- but IMO planning to spank and doing it as punishment or as a way to "show" a child that they cant do a certain thing is worse than losing your cool.

CatsCradle and Mittsy like this.

Holly and David partners.gif

Adaline love.gif (3/20/10), and Charlie brokenheart.gif (1/26/12- 4/10/12) and our identical  rainbow1284.gif  twins Callie and Wendy (01/04/13)

SIDS happens. 

Adaline'sMama is offline  
#157 of 176 Old 09-07-2012, 07:33 PM
 
AmandaT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 206
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

truedat.gif

 

I completely agree. 


lactivist.gifnovaxnocirc.gif Acd.gif'ing, winner.jpg,familybed1.gif,femalesling.GIFread.gif Momma to one DD 1/1/12 ribboncesarean.gif. Trying to goorganic.jpg and hoping for a hbac.gif next time!

AmandaT is offline  
#158 of 176 Old 09-07-2012, 08:37 PM
 
MichelleZB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 966
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by elus0814 View Post

 

I understand the point you're making but what is a parent if not a person who has power and control over their children? 

 

Yes, indeed! That is the question, isn't it? What is a parent? Do you have to have "power" to be a parent, or is it something else?

 

I can't possibly agree with you that making dinner for your kids is an example of how you have control over them. You're not controlling them, you're catering. If cooking for someone means you control them, the chef at my favourite restaurant is my overlord by now.

MichelleZB is offline  
#159 of 176 Old 09-08-2012, 05:14 AM
 
The4OfUs's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 5,114
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Well, you likely control what you're feeding them by controlling what come into the house.  Most parents (note, I wrote most) do not ask their children every meal every day what they want......at some point the parent decided what kind of food they wanted to feed the kid and made that the available food in the house; something a child has no control over since they can't get to the store and buy their own.  If you go to a restaurant and don't like what'sbeing served as an adult, you can go elsewhere.  

 

Every decision a parent makes about restricting access to anything or stop a child from doing something they want to is a measure of control.  It's not necessarily a bad thing, unless you abuse it. 


Heather, WAHM to DS (01/04)DD (06/06). Wed to DH(09/97)
The4OfUs is offline  
#160 of 176 Old 09-08-2012, 08:17 AM
 
Mittsy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: somewhere over the rainbow...
Posts: 622
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by elus0814 View Post

 

I understand the point you're making but what is a parent if not a person who has power and control over their children?

 

I personally don't believe parents "need" to have control over children. I try to respect my child's opinion and take that into consideration  at all times, I always strive to treat them as I would anyone else, and I would never try to control another adult! My children listen to me not only because they respect me and my opinions but also because they know that I always will try to take their opinions into consideration and find a mutually agreeable option that everyone can live with.


treehugger.gifhippie.gifhomeschool.gifnamaste.gifnovaxnocirc.gifcrochetsmilie.gifblahblah.gifenergy.gifgoorganic.jpggd.gifteapot2.GIFbftoddler.giffamilybed2.gif
 
Mittsy is offline  
#161 of 176 Old 09-12-2012, 06:51 PM
 
elus0814's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: where the air force says
Posts: 769
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mittsy View Post

 

I personally don't believe parents "need" to have control over children. I try to respect my child's opinion and take that into consideration  at all times, I always strive to treat them as I would anyone else, and I would never try to control another adult! My children listen to me not only because they respect me and my opinions but also because they know that I always will try to take their opinions into consideration and find a mutually agreeable option that everyone can live with.

 

Since you simply 'take into consideration' your child's opinions you have control. If your child was the one who made decisions after considering your opinion they would be the one in control. If your child's opinion was that they should be allowed to color all over the walls and you said no you would be controlling them. I admit that it's an odd way to think about parenting but I do think that it's control nonetheless. 

Backroads likes this.
elus0814 is offline  
#162 of 176 Old 09-12-2012, 07:42 PM
 
CatsCradle's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: New York City
Posts: 2,006
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by elus0814 View Post

 

Since you simply 'take into consideration' your child's opinions you have control. If your child was the one who made decisions after considering your opinion they would be the one in control. If your child's opinion was that they should be allowed to color all over the walls and you said no you would be controlling them. I admit that it's an odd way to think about parenting but I do think that it's control nonetheless. 

I see parenting as more of a mentor/mentee relationship.  The mentor usually knows more, has more experience, is more qualified to make final decisions on the best course.  I mentor people in my profession and I'm also mentored by people with more experience and insight.  My mentors have considered my ideas and have offered advice on why they think certain ideas are not the best course.  They would not put me in a position of falling on my face if they can find a more teachable way, so to speak.  A mentor/mentee relationship is mentee-centered.  In other words, it is the mentor's primary responsibility to make sure that the mentee is on the right course and has the proper tools to make the right decisions.  I don't find that to be controlling, but rather a guidance relationship.  A boss is controlling.  A mentor is someone who uses his/her skills and experience to set someone on the proper course.  

dbsam and Mittsy like this.

"Lawyers, I suppose, were children once." Charles Lamb.
CatsCradle is offline  
#163 of 176 Old 09-12-2012, 08:20 PM
 
The4OfUs's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 5,114
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I appreciate that and do strive for that kind of relationship when my kids are acting reasonably but really, if your kid wants to do something unsafe or destructive, and you cannot distract/redirect/alternate activity your way out of it, you're going to wind up preventing them from doing it somehow - which is controlling, not advising.  I think a LOT of this has to do with 1) How many kids are involved in the situation and 2) their temperaments.

 

One easygoing/compliant kid?  Mentor away and enjoy the harmony! (For the record, I was this kid and had an easy breezy childhood)

 

 2 headstrong, opinionated (often not the same opinion), loophole finders?  It'll be Lord Of The Flies all up in there.  Ask me how I know.  winky.gif lol.gif

 

More than 2?  It hurts my head to think about. 

Backroads likes this.

Heather, WAHM to DS (01/04)DD (06/06). Wed to DH(09/97)
The4OfUs is offline  
#164 of 176 Old 09-13-2012, 06:36 AM
 
transylvania_mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: abroad
Posts: 1,080
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I like the definition I found in "Parenting without power struggles". I also don't want (and can't) be in control of everything my child does, but I can be in charge.


caffix.gif

transylvania_mom is offline  
#165 of 176 Old 09-13-2012, 06:45 AM
 
mamazee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: US midwest
Posts: 7,528
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
We do have control over our children, but it seems like our job is to move to where we control less and less and they control themselves more and more until they become adults. Control is something that happens naturally due to the relationship we have, and I don't think it should be enforced with any kind of violence.

I guess my big point is that we don't need to force kids to get used to our having control, we need to work with them to learn to control themselves internally and not need our control. I think any kind of heavy-handed discipline is contrary to that, but particularly anything that uses physical pain. I'm a big fan of working with and not doing to as we teach our kids to not need our control. Working with them is a better way of getting them to have the internal motivation they'll need to control themselves when they grow up. Doing to them is only a way of getting them to behave until they are away from your external control.
sageowl likes this.
mamazee is offline  
#166 of 176 Old 09-13-2012, 11:47 AM
 
Mittsy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: somewhere over the rainbow...
Posts: 622
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

elus0814: I guess we have different viewpoints about this. I don't really think about "who has control over this situation", instead I try to focus on everyone's feelings and needs being heard and trying to find a workable solution for everybody. I guess I think of my relationship with my children as more of a mentor, like CatsCradle described.

 

CatsCradle: You said what I was trying to so much more eloquently than I did! Thanks:)

 

The4ofus: I think anyone can parent any child in this way regardless of the number or tempermentality of the children. Although certainly I image certain families may find it more challenging. I personally think how easy it will come to one parent versus another has little to do with the temperament of the child and much more to do with the temperament of the parent. I myself have 1 easygoing though very sensitive child, and 1 very "spirited" child, and I personally find the "spirited" child much easier to relate to and work with while admittedly the sensitive child's whining can grate on my nerves a bit.


treehugger.gifhippie.gifhomeschool.gifnamaste.gifnovaxnocirc.gifcrochetsmilie.gifblahblah.gifenergy.gifgoorganic.jpggd.gifteapot2.GIFbftoddler.giffamilybed2.gif
 
Mittsy is offline  
#167 of 176 Old 09-20-2012, 06:48 PM
 
elus0814's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: where the air force says
Posts: 769
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by The4OfUs View Post

I appreciate that and do strive for that kind of relationship when my kids are acting reasonably but really, if your kid wants to do something unsafe or destructive, and you cannot distract/redirect/alternate activity your way out of it, you're going to wind up preventing them from doing it somehow - which is controlling, not advising.  I think a LOT of this has to do with 1) How many kids are involved in the situation and 2) their temperaments.

 

One easygoing/compliant kid?  Mentor away and enjoy the harmony! (For the record, I was this kid and had an easy breezy childhood)

 

 2 headstrong, opinionated (often not the same opinion), loophole finders?  It'll be Lord Of The Flies all up in there.  Ask me how I know.  winky.gif lol.gif

 

More than 2?  It hurts my head to think about. 

 

I couldn't help but laugh at the lord of the flies comment. It's so very true. Get a gaggle of strong willed children together and you can't just not have someone in control. Not counting the baby we have four little kids who often each want to have their own messy, destructive, and/or unsafe thing going on. I can mentor my kids all day long but when one decides to climb up the pantry shelves to get a jar of peanut butter off the top shelf then eat it with their hands you can bet I'll exert my power to stop them.

elus0814 is offline  
#168 of 176 Old 09-21-2012, 07:11 AM
 
CatsCradle's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: New York City
Posts: 2,006
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by elus0814 View Post

 

I couldn't help but laugh at the lord of the flies comment. It's so very true. Get a gaggle of strong willed children together and you can't just not have someone in control. Not counting the baby we have four little kids who often each want to have their own messy, destructive, and/or unsafe thing going on. I can mentor my kids all day long but when one decides to climb up the pantry shelves to get a jar of peanut butter off the top shelf then eat it with their hands you can bet I'll exert my power to stop them.

When I referred to mentoring above, I didn't mean that the relationship allowed for putting someone in harms way, or allowing them to potentially harm themselves by not intervening.  My problem with the word "control" is that it has a lot of negative connotations, at least for me.  My parents were very controlling.  We weren't allowed to express our own thoughts and I spent much of my youth with internal rage because my parents always took the position that they were the boss.  My relationship with my parents was extremely oppressive.  I think it had a negative impact on me in my adult life because either I was always trying to please someone, or I was afraid to speak up if I thought something was wrong or if it should be done another way.  The "relationship" as a mentoring one in the long term makes more sense to me.  Does that mean that when my kid is in danger that I'm not going to act to remove her from harm's way, of course not.  I also believe in consequences.  I still experience consequences when I do something stupid.  Consequences, though, are about teachable moments for me.  It's not about someone controlling me but rather me learning a certain level of self-control through realization that there are consequences to my negative actions.  

 

If you want to call what you do "control" that is fine.  I just don't see my relationships, as a whole, that way.  I guess I'm looking at the broader picture rather than certain circumstances.  We can pick apart the word control all we want but in general terms my relationship with my kid is not about control.  It's about teaching and guidance.   


"Lawyers, I suppose, were children once." Charles Lamb.
CatsCradle is offline  
#169 of 176 Old 09-21-2012, 09:00 AM
 
elus0814's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: where the air force says
Posts: 769
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatsCradle View Post

When I referred to mentoring above, I didn't mean that the relationship allowed for putting someone in harms way, or allowing them to potentially harm themselves by not intervening.  My problem with the word "control" is that it has a lot of negative connotations, at least for me.  My parents were very controlling.  We weren't allowed to express our own thoughts and I spent much of my youth with internal rage because my parents always took the position that they were the boss.  My relationship with my parents was extremely oppressive.  I think it had a negative impact on me in my adult life because either I was always trying to please someone, or I was afraid to speak up if I thought something was wrong or if it should be done another way.  The "relationship" as a mentoring one in the long term makes more sense to me.  Does that mean that when my kid is in danger that I'm not going to act to remove her from harm's way, of course not.  I also believe in consequences.  I still experience consequences when I do something stupid.  Consequences, though, are about teachable moments for me.  It's not about someone controlling me but rather me learning a certain level of self-control through realization that there are consequences to my negative actions.  

 

If you want to call what you do "control" that is fine.  I just don't see my relationships, as a whole, that way.  I guess I'm looking at the broader picture rather than certain circumstances.  We can pick apart the word control all we want but in general terms my relationship with my kid is not about control.  It's about teaching and guidance.   

 

My mom was like that. I would be watching tv and she would walk in, grab the remote, and change the channel. If I protested she would tell me it was her house and her tv. Everything had to be her way. 

 

I agree with you that parents should be mentors to their children, someone they can learn how to be an adult from. 

 

I called what most consider normal parenting control because that's what was brought up. It's an odd way to think about it, I generally wouldn't call parenting a form of control but I think it is control when a parent stops a child from doing something they want to do. Control comes in different forms. I think 'controlling' a child in the sense that you are teaching them right from wrong is a good thing. They need to learn it's not ok to throw water balloons out of attic windows and they might need someone to control their access to balloons for them to learn that lesson. As a child I liked taking long showers. I kept doing it even when told not to so my mom would give me a certain amount of time, wait for the timer to go off, then turn off the hot water. Yes, she was controlling the way I showered but as a child I had a hard time connecting my long shower with a higher electricity bill the next month. 

elus0814 is offline  
#170 of 176 Old 10-23-2012, 03:48 PM
 
RobbynPBennett's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 6
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Spanking is clearly destructive, but most dangerous with toddlers and preschoolers.  The developing brain of a child is vulnerable and any form of violence increases risk of long-term problems.

I wanted to share with you an incredibly important project for children and mothers.

We are trying to produce a documentary to help start a meaningful dialogue about the negative effects of spanking and the common cultural acceptance of its practice.   

Thank you!
Robbyn Peters Bennett

 

 

 

 
Link removed per our advertising user agreement: 

Advertising in discussion threads is strictly prohibited. Do not post to advertise your product, business, website or blog or in any other manner from which you would financially benefit.

 

Robbyn, please feel free to paraphrase content from your site - it will be greatly appreciated! You are welcome to place a link to your site on your profile for users to locate that way. Thanks, ICM. 

RobbynPBennett is offline  
#171 of 176 Old 10-27-2012, 01:50 PM
 
RobbynPBennett's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 6
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

The research seems to overwhelmingly show that spanking has negative outcomes, many of which are not evident until much later.  I have a Facebook site and website that has a lot of information on the research, if any mommies are interested!

 

 


RobbynPBennet, please place these links in your profile. 

RobbynPBennett is offline  
#172 of 176 Old 11-03-2012, 06:20 PM
 
luckymolly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 19
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I think the simple fact that spanking hurts, both physically and emotionally, would be sufficient argument against it, even if there were no negative short or long term effects.

luckymolly is offline  
#173 of 176 Old 12-10-2013, 09:34 AM
 
annie-laurie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 28
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

thanks


whistling.gifAnniekid.gifblahblah.gif 
annie-laurie is offline  
#174 of 176 Old 12-10-2013, 10:41 AM
 
annie-laurie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 28
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

my opion of your hubby 'respecting' his father is that this is what kids want, a role model, someone to respect.

Had he not spanked, he might've been respected too.  And, the relationship would be a bit different, perhaps.

I believe that if spanking is used impulsively, or with  any frequency, we are losing the point of raising kids to understand and act and cause no harm, regardless of their own irritability.


whistling.gifAnniekid.gifblahblah.gif 
annie-laurie is offline  
#175 of 176 Old 12-29-2013, 10:20 AM
 
Hippie Mom 32's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Cairo Egypt
Posts: 19
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My daughter is six years and I find that spanking does nothing, it really makes it worse and does not solve the problem, and  I find it makes the afraid of you.

 Also it teaches them to think that hitting is ok. 


hijab.gif  Super Muslimah  Mom to   Two amazing boys fencing.gif Cj(born March 1997) Adam ( born April 2005)  and Princess Aliyyah my little  high strung  over active girl   . hippie.gif March 2007 .
Hippie Mom 32 is offline  
#176 of 176 Old 01-04-2014, 03:55 AM
 
mylittlerune's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Kids usually don't get the difference between spanking and hitting, and trying to explain it to them usually doesn't help. I spanked a couple of times when it seemed like all else failed, and the last time I did my daughter asked me why I would try to hurt her, and why its ok to hit her when she is bad. I was creating a large amount of fear, mistrust, and many other negative emotions within her as well as confusing her about what was right and wrong and I didn't even realize I was doing it. Other parents I've spoken to have related similar experiences. That was the last time I spanked her.

 

Kids may not always be able to verbalize it, but they really don't get it, they don't understand why you would want to hurt them or scare them, and really, why would you? Maybe you feel that the spanks are soft enough not to hurt, but you are still creating a fear in them that you could hurt them or swat them if you don't like what they are doing.

 

You can do so many things that teach self discipline without ever doing something that causes pain or fear of pain, and many other types of discipline create trust in your parent-child relationship and rather than fear, mistrust, and negative emotions. Good luck!

mylittlerune is offline  
Reply

Tags
Gentle Discipline

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off