Has anyone thrown away a bad parenting book? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 26 Old 08-25-2012, 08:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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When my son was just a baby, my mother gave me a parenting book that my sister had given her to give to me. My son had accidentally bitten me the previous evening, and my mother looked up biting in the book, and it said to bite the child. My mother and I argued about the advise, with me saying that even if I agreed with the advise, it made sense to do it hours later. She wouldn't drop the subject (or let me eat my breakfast), so I threw the book away.

I also threw away a book that claimed you could potty train a toddler in 24 hours.

Anyone else given a parenting book that went against your parenting beliefs and tossed it?
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#2 of 26 Old 08-25-2012, 08:22 PM
 
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Yep!  Just about any Ezzo I meet. :)

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#3 of 26 Old 08-27-2012, 05:08 AM
 
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Every parenting book I've read, I have taken something positive away from it - even if it's just "I'll never do that to my child!"  I loved parenting with love and logic generally but I do not like the idea of locking a child in their room and there is no way in hell I'd give away a family pet because a child wasn't caring for it properly (feeding, walking, etc).

 

However, when our son was a baby, my husband had heard about this book "I'm okay, you're a brat" and even won a copy.  OMG!  My husband, who has the most twisted sense of humor threw the book across the room in disgust.  He told me that he wasn't going to allow me to read it because it was horrible and I just picked it up and threw it in the recycling (he wouldn't even let me donate it - said it didn't deserve to be published in the first place!).


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#4 of 26 Old 08-27-2012, 05:39 AM
 
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Somehow throwing books away seems wrong to me, but there are some that I would love to keep away from potential readers. My solution so far, was to keep them for research purposes.

 

Not sure yet, what I'll do, when I don't need them anymore. Maybe I'll write warnings next to passages I find particularly troublesome and let them circulate like that. 2whistle.gif

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#5 of 26 Old 08-27-2012, 06:00 AM
 
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Why not donate the books?

 

I realize we here at Mothering will find some parenting advice completely horrible, but it might be right up another mother's alley.  I've yet to read the parenting book with advice so bad it was tantamount to abuse and unfit for public circulation.

Certainly some would disagree with me on that point, however, if you don't want to throw the books away, and you don't want mounds of useless clutter, donation seems like a nice option.

 

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#6 of 26 Old 08-27-2012, 07:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Both books I threw away, I threw away to end the ongoing, repetitive insistence that I had to do what the book said. In both cases, I was not able to get to eating because of the discussion. For example, my mother kept putting the book over my bowl, so I couldn't eat until I bit my 7 montj old son! Taking the book and setting the book aside did not work. She kept picking it up and putting it over my bowl. My husband was no help, so I finally threw it away.

The second one was similar, only with my sister-in-law who kept reading it to my toddler son (can't remember how old). Again, the only way to stop her so I could finish making dinner (husband no help) was to throw away the book.

Also, if I disagree with the parenting (like the biting, or hitting) I would not want to be responsible for someone else reading that book and following the advise. Better to throw it away.
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#7 of 26 Old 08-27-2012, 07:59 AM
 
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I would not pass on a book with advice I consider abusive.  They compost well.  Or make good kindling.  Papier-mâché craft projects.

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#8 of 26 Old 08-27-2012, 08:30 AM
 
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I typically buy babywise books at yard sales and consignment shops when I see them. They make for great kindling for my wood stove :) When I was pregnant with my first, I got passed down a bunch of "Girlfriends Guide to..." books. I found them to be awful, but not bad enough to throw away.

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#9 of 26 Old 08-28-2012, 04:21 PM
 
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I love the composting bad book idea! I have a hard time parting with in print books and this will ease the guilt I feel when I throw somethig away

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#10 of 26 Old 08-28-2012, 07:00 PM
 
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I threw away To Train Up a Child.  Thoroughly.  There's no way I could even give that one away in good conscience.
 


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#11 of 26 Old 09-02-2012, 08:58 PM
 
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I've yet to read the parenting book with advice so bad it was tantamount to abuse and unfit for public circulation.

 

I have. The Pearls' parenting books are so bad that children have died at the hands of parents who used their book as a guide.


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#12 of 26 Old 09-02-2012, 09:12 PM
 
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I received Babywise as a gift while pregnant with my first, and couldn't bear to donate it, so I ripped out pages and threw it in the recycling bin.  I did the same with "12 Hours of Sleep by 12 Weeks Old" and "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer".  I couldn't in good conscience give those to anyone else.


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#13 of 26 Old 09-05-2012, 05:55 PM
 
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Originally Posted by phathui5 View Post

 

I have. The Pearls' parenting books are so bad that children have died at the hands of parents who used their book as a guide.

Oh my goodness - I had no idea!  I actually had considered buying this, based on how good behavior they claim to get from their children!

 

We tried babywise with our first, and baby and I both did a lot of crying...  Major guilt issues, won't go down that road again.  It just kills me that people can present themselves as experts and totally mislead 'innocent' new parents. :(

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#14 of 26 Old 09-09-2012, 09:58 PM
 
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Just wanted to add- I took the kids thrift store shopping on Friday. There was a copy of Babywise there for a quarter, so I bought it to throw it away :)

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#15 of 26 Old 09-10-2012, 12:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by phathui5 View Post

Just wanted to add- I took the kids thrift store shopping on Friday. There was a copy of Babywise there for a quarter, so I bought it to throw it away smile.gif

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#16 of 26 Old 09-12-2012, 08:00 AM
 
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I would not pass on a book with advice I consider abusive.  They compost well.  Or make good kindling.  Papier-mâché craft projects.

 

Yep.  Abusive or potentially emotionally harmful.

 

I was raised that is was partically a sin to destroy a book but when pregnant as well as after DS was born, I bought and was given a few that were so "wrong" that I threw them in the trash with no guilt at all. 


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#17 of 26 Old 09-12-2012, 08:57 AM
 
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Oh my goodness - I had no idea!  I actually had considered buying this, based on how good behavior they claim to get from their children!

 

We tried babywise with our first, and baby and I both did a lot of crying...  Major guilt issues, won't go down that road again.  It just kills me that people can present themselves as experts and totally mislead 'innocent' new parents. :(

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/07/us/deaths-put-focus-on-pastors-advocacy-of-spanking.html?pagewanted=all  The article is from last fall, but gives you an idea of the Pearl system.

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#18 of 26 Old 09-14-2012, 05:16 AM
 
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Makes me ill that anyone considers them to be parenting experts.  Monsters yes, parents no.

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#19 of 26 Old 09-15-2012, 09:26 PM
 
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The Baby Whisperer!!!!greensad.gif

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#20 of 26 Old 09-16-2012, 05:43 PM
 
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The Baby Whisperer!!!!greensad.gif



I've heard The Baby Whisperer described as bad before.  Can someone tell me why?  I'm not doubting y'all, just curious,...


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#21 of 26 Old 09-16-2012, 07:52 PM
 
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I was also given babywise as a gift and after reading a few chapters I promptly threw it in the trash! I couldn't in good conscience pass that piece of crap on to anyone! Horrifying.
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#22 of 26 Old 09-17-2012, 01:26 PM
 
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Baby whisperer - For me it was because it was all about scheduling and making you feel guilty for "accidental parenting". It made me freak out about how much my son was nursing and was not supportive of attachment parenting at all in my opinion.

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#23 of 26 Old 09-17-2012, 01:38 PM
 
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A well-meaning mom lent my husband 3 babywise books and I am looking forward to giving them back to her!

 

Baby Whisperer also made me feel super insecure about "accidental parenting" during the infancy time, and her "Pick Up/ Put Down" method was a terrible waste of time (and killed my back)! But I even got really annoyed at No Cry Sleep Solution since I felt like I would read it over and over and still have no real idea about what to DO (probably due to my level of sleep deprivation).

 

All parenting books should be read with a GIANT grain of salt!

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#24 of 26 Old 09-22-2012, 07:00 PM
 
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I also recycled The Baby Whisperer rather than pass it on to someone else. Besides being completely ridiculous (a quiz about your baby's personality?!) the advice it gives about scheduled feedings is potentially harmful from a nutritional standpoint, and certainly not beneficial to babies. A truly horrible book.
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#25 of 26 Old 09-22-2012, 07:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You know, I saw the Baby Whisperer in bookstores when it first came out, but never picked it up. So I have no idea what 'accidental parenting' is. It *sounds* positively absurd! What does it mean? You ignore the child until you want the book under the blanket and you accidentally give the child some attention getting it out? (Sorry. Attempt at humor.)
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#26 of 26 Old 09-22-2012, 11:49 PM
 
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I'm saving them all for the end of days when the power goes out and I might need to burn them to keep away zombies or cook food or something.

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