Has anybody tried spanking? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 09-22-2012, 09:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I love that many of you are really unwavering in your discipline. I, like you was dedicated to gentle discipline. I dunno, my daughter was a great baby, and great even awesome all through out age 2, but when she turned 3 she became really difficult. The tantrums were just horrid and could last up to 30 min. The outright refusal to do things was just frustrating. I was spat at, hit, bit, head butted. Rooms were trashed. I read a couple books. I tried warnings, walking away, hugging her, talking calmly, talking firmly, yelling, taking toys away. I always let my yes be yes, and my no be no. In my frustration, I tried spanking. I have done it a few times, but that didnt work either. She just had to grow up a little. I couldnt "fix" her. She just had to grow. For a year, I was afraid to leave the house with her, and most of the time it just wasnt worth it. Now we dont spank anymore, and I have promised to never hit her again. As a 4 year old, she still has crazy long tantrums where her room will be destroyed, but she cleans up her mess, and genuinely is sorry. I just wait the storm out to talk about it after. They are few and far between now.  

 

I feel guilty about what I did, I have apologized to my child. I guess I wanted to know if anyone else broke under pressure. 


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#2 of 5 Old 09-22-2012, 10:05 AM
 
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Sadly, yes, I have broken under pressure.  It wasn't a conscious decision that now I was going to try spanking as a discipline tool, it was a visceral reaction to some of her more outrageous behavior, and I hit her on the leg or butt a couple times when she was 3/4. And then felt HORRIBLE, and apologized, and ran myself over the racks for not being able to handle things better.   I am NOT proud of this at ALL, nor would I ever endorse spanking as a discipline technique.  My daughter is a very intense little girl and seems to be able to set off all of my personal triggers simultaneously so it requires a tremendous amount of detachment from emotion for me to remain Zen and disengage while being present and set/enforce calm but loving boundaries....and sometimes, I've failed. 

 

When she was 4/5, sometimes I would pick her up and carry her and put her in her room (and not particularly worry about being gentle), just so we could get a break from the tirades.  Not proud of that either, but it was the lesser of two evils.  

 

I will fully own that a lot of this was my reaction to her, which I am not proud of, but I am human.  I remain steadfastly committed to GD and PD as the way I advocate to raise children, and MOSTLY do with my own, aside from my occasional stumbles. 


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#3 of 5 Old 09-22-2012, 11:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by The4OfUs View Post

Sadly, yes, I have broken under pressure.  It wasn't a conscious decision that now I was going to try spanking as a discipline tool, it was a visceral reaction to some of her more outrageous behavior, and I hit her on the leg or butt a couple times when she was 3/4. And then felt HORRIBLE, and apologized, and ran myself over the racks for not being able to handle things better.   I am NOT proud of this at ALL, nor would I ever endorse spanking as a discipline technique.  My daughter is a very intense little girl and seems to be able to set off all of my personal triggers simultaneously so it requires a tremendous amount of detachment from emotion for me to remain Zen and disengage while being present and set/enforce calm but loving boundaries....and sometimes, I've failed. 

 

When she was 4/5, sometimes I would pick her up and carry her and put her in her room (and not particularly worry about being gentle), just so we could get a break from the tirades.  Not proud of that either, but it was the lesser of two evils.  

 

I will fully own that a lot of this was my reaction to her, which I am not proud of, but I am human.  I remain steadfastly committed to GD and PD as the way I advocate to raise children, and MOSTLY do with my own, aside from my occasional stumbles. 

 

Thank you for that.


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#4 of 5 Old 09-22-2012, 12:07 PM
 
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Never with my own daughter.  But, once, when I was babysitting my boyfriend's son, he wouldn't get ready, and we needed to  go meet his dad for dinner...so, I swatted his bum... not hard, and my heart wasn't even in it.. I just thought I should try it.  Ya know, to see if it worked.  He gave me that "you are so stupid" look.  It was obvious to both of us that what I did was not only an empty threat, but I just gave him complete control over me.  

 

I felt kind of bad... mostly because I was going to let a boyfriend make me freak out....and dumb because I couldn't even spank a kid with conviction, and the child knew it.  

 

That afternoon when he and I went back home, he danced in front of me while we were watching Dukes of Hazzard and sang "You can't make me, you can't make me".  (and I couldn't)

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#5 of 5 Old 09-22-2012, 01:04 PM
 
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We have been both a spanking and a non-spanking household. I do not have strong feelings about spanking either way - except to feel that it doesn't usually work. Growing up is what works.

I also had a kid who I was afraid to take out of the house for a year or so. It's very hard to deal with. Don't be too hard on yourself, mama. Your daughter is probably not even going to remember being spanked.
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