I am mum to two beautiful boys - ODS is 3 yrs 2 mnths old and YDS is 1 year old. I always follow posts here, but I wanted to put this out there and see if I can get some ideas. My 3 year old has always been very high needs, especially with me. Hes very attached to and I've tried my best to always be there for him and parent him with kindness and empathy. However, since his little brother appeared in the pic he's been a completely different kid, it also has to do with his age. He doesn't tantrum really but just cries a lot. He cries 2-3 times over silly things before heading off to preschool, afternoon before nap he'll cry for something, after nap he will cry for at least 30 mins, sometimes more than an hour for no reason at all. If he's sick, the crying is pretty much all day. After a point I am unable to deal with this kind of mindless screaming and crying. My 1 year old has become very cranky and clingy as I have absolutely no time with him. I have a full-time nanny, and she always has to take care of YDS as I'm attending to ODS screaming.
I have been parented in a very disciplinarian sort of way and was also spanked, and I don't want that for my kids, but I am unable to shake it off. Almost everyday I end up screaming at my ODS, and feel miserable thereafter. He's also taken to hitting me lately every time hes is upset by me and saying hurtful things like "I don't love you". The hitting seems to trigger something in me and I get very angry with him, all I want to do is gently guide him during the time hes feeling emotional turmoil, but I'm just unable to.
My hubby is a very gentle kind man who rarely gets angry or shows any negative emotions. Hes horrified and my yelling at ODS and rightly so. He witnessed a few of these scenes wheres hes crying, I'm trying to calm him, but losing it myself - hes very upset with me for this kind of behavior and more than a few times we ended up arguing in front of the kids. ODS noticed that dad doesn't approve of what mum is doing and now says bad things about me to his dad l ike -"I don't like mamma", "Don't leave me with her", etc. This is all very painful for me.
When he's not crying he's a very happy, energetic, verbal 3 year old. He's never deliberately hurt his brother, except for one time, but he does say things like "I don't love him". These negative feelings are personified during the times he's sick, which is more often since he started preschool.
Any words of wisdom are much appreciated.
It sounds to me like you need to look into what triggers you, why it triggers you, and what you can do about that. Would therapy be a option for you? I know of a few resources you could use to look into your triggers without outside help, would you like me to direct you to those?