I'm feeling aggressive - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 10-21-2012, 04:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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First off I don't believe in spanking nor will I ever raise my hand.  I'm pregnant with #2 and losing patience with my 25MO DS.  He's regressed in his potty training.  I think it's due to the stress at home.  My DH has been unemployed for 6 months and I'm scrambling to fill out applications and secure a job before I start showing.  So home life is stressful.  I try to put on a brave happy face for DS but I'm sure it effects him in some ways.  So today he was acting up and I put him in timeout.  Once he settled down I went to go get him.  He not only peed in his pants/underwear he hoped into bed and got EVERYTHING soiled!!  At that moment I wanted to hit him I've never had that strong of an urge.  I also wanted to scream my head off at him.  I knew he did that because he was angry.  Instead I completely shut down emotionally and cleaned everything matter of fact no thoughts no emotions.  But I'm ANGRY!!!  For all the wrong reasons to!  I know he doesn't know any better!  I know he is still learning about his environment exploring and all that.  But it still upsets me!  I wish I knew what to do to reverse the regression in his potty training.  He was doing sooo good!  minimum messes happy and proud to use the potty.  I don't know if maybe he's reacting to me trying not to be angry when I'm cleaning up after him?  I know that you can't show emotion so I try my best at a poker face.  How does one who is pregnant deal with crazy hormones and remain calm during challenging stages with a toddler?

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#2 of 3 Old 10-21-2012, 06:50 PM
 
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Oh Lulu, my heart goes out to you! Sounds like you are under such stress! It's taken me a long time to learn this, that when we are most enraged at our little ones, it is when we are taking the least good care of ourselves. Because, as you said, you'd never want to act out with him in your worst way. But when we are irrationally stressed we begin to see our children as the cause, or at least the exacerbation.  So, first thing, breathe and take extra good care of yourself. As in, do some pampering and slow down!!

 

Potty learning is a long process for some, and it can be very frustrating when they step backwards. I have raised three, and they all went at different paces, but all of them regressed after seeming to "get it" for a while. It's just a sign that they want to consolidate and slow things down a bit. It's hard work growing up!  You don't have to do anything---development will take its course and he will get back on track when he is ready. Maybe with all the stress, he wants to get back to a 'simpler time' when you took more care of him? Sometimes though, there isn't really a 'reason.' We think if we find a reason, we can fix the 'problem.' But another alternative, is not seeing it as a problem. It's just a temporary thing, one that he will work out on his own.

 

I wish you a spirit of peace and I hope you can get some 'me time' this week.


 
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#3 of 3 Old 10-21-2012, 09:55 PM
 
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That sounds really confusing and stressful. It must be very hard. I agree with what the previous poster said. When you're angry at your little ones, it's you who needs attention from yourself. And it can be so hard! When you're that angry, it's so easy to think it's going to last forever and so easy to shut down the part of your brain that uses good tools that you can be proud of. It's like a sudden mask. I know you can do it!


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