Help with screaming (for baby not me) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 10-27-2012, 06:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My dd is 14 months old on wednesday. We'd been doing really well with telling her to use an inside voice and being firm and using firm looks to get her to stop screaming. All of a sudden it's back. Right now I feel like a broken record saying "use your inside voice" And she instead just screams in my face. Which makes me so frustrated and frankly angry! I don't want to be angry and I know some screaming is normal but not this much. Ad to that hubby was part of a household that is now broken, and his parents yelled and broke things. as a result He has some PTSD around it and shuts down quickly. I really need to get a handle on this. It's just so hard to see him upset and I hate feeling angry about it. 

Before you say I'm crazy to expect her to stop please understand. She is VERY advanced in speak and cognitive skills. She speaks in short sentences, uses over 25 words, and over 10 signs. She can understand simple requests or commands. (for example she can go into another room to get a specific object and bring it to me) And she has a willing spirit when it comes to listening. She's just a bit strong willed despite being a  fairly mellow baby. 

I KNOW she can learn as a result of this and I refuse to say she can't. There's so much she's learned all ready and proven she can learn more. I do not feel like she is prevented from being a baby. I also believe in teaching children at a young age what is expected of them. 


So any ideas for things I can try? Obviously I don't expect any one thing to work. But I know she learns fast and wants to learn so Anything I can try for a bit and discard if it doesn't work is welcome.

 


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#2 of 4 Old 10-28-2012, 04:35 PM
 
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The main thing is repetition without consequence - that's what leads to 'selective hearing'.  As a dog trainer I'm constatnly preaching to clients that they can't say "no bite" a million times without actually doing something - ignoring, walking away, making them sit in time out.  If every time she screams you react by talking to her, she isn't going to care much about what you are saying.  For smart kids it's all about getting a reaction.  They push because they can.  If you're tone of voice starts to change and you sound frustrated or flustered, this alone may egg her on.  Have you tried ignoring her and acting as though she's not there?  The catch to this trick is she WILL scream louder and harder at first - it's called an extinction burst.  She's waiting for you to break since she's used to it happening.  When it doesn't she will try harder.  She'll get to a point where she'll be confused why it isn't working, might even sit back to think about it and that's when you suddenly appear, ask if there was something you could help her with - but only after she's been quiet a few seconds.  If you ignore the behavior it gets no reinforcement, not positive, not negative, and it's no longer fun.  My almost 12mo old is also pushy and determined and also has fairly advance comprehension and language skills.  But I don't give in to the behaviors I don't like.  She understands that "no" means she can't have or touch something - and will throw a fit ocasssionally.  My no's are very plain and simple, she gets 2 verbals and then is removed either to a different area or sometimes to her pack n play if she's really pushing it.  I find my biggest hurdle is family who just continue to "no no no no no no" her but don't follow through.

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#3 of 4 Old 10-28-2012, 07:43 PM
 
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Can you take her outside if she screams?  

I once put his high chair outside for the last 10 min of lunch (3 feet away from me, clearly visible through a glass patio door, and it was warm outside), and that made the point about inside/outside voices pretty clear.  

Or say, "you can scream in your room.  Let me know when you're done."

Or can you eliminate the trigger for the screaming?  Is there a pattern?

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#4 of 4 Old 11-02-2012, 11:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Sorry it's taken me so long to reply my phone doesn't read the forums well and I don't use my laptop much unless the baby is asleep. It's too tempting a toy. lol 
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by s***yfirechick View Post

She understands that "no" means she can't have or touch something - and will throw a fit occasionally.  My No's are very plain and simple, she gets 2 verbals and then is removed either to a different area or sometimes to her pack n play if she's really pushing it.  I find my biggest hurdle is family who just continue to "no no no no no no" her but don't follow through.

 


This is what I am trying to start doing now. She's been better this week.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThreeTwoFive View Post

Can you take her outside if she screams?  

I once put his high chair outside for the last 10 min of lunch (3 feet away from me, clearly visible through a gl*** patio door, and it was warm outside), and that made the point about inside/outside voices pretty clear.  

Or say, "you can scream in your room.  Let me know when you're done."

Or can you eliminate the trigger for the screaming?  Is there a pattern?

 

I'm noticing the screaming seems to co-respond to tiredness. The more tired she gets the more upset about anything she is. I can't put her outside. We have a deck but it's cold out and the door is a regular outside door. I did try taking her to her room and setting her in the crib last week and that seemed to help. The crib is safe, and she has a few toys and lovies there. I told her "when you stop screaming mommy will come play with you." And I waited till she did. She did an "extinction burst" like sassyfirechick talked about., and then was done. I went in after that talked gently and told her I loved her but not to scream at mommy. And that was that. Seemed to help at least it helped me calm down too and that made it better I think as well. 

I have been asking her once she calms down what she needs. She is cape-able of telling me but seems to be going through a phase where she just doesn't WANT to. I know that's normal so I'm letting her get out her frustration, and then addressing it. " Do you need/want xyz? Ok you have to tell mama and mama will get it for you!" And then dropping it. 

She used to respond very well to me simply holding her mouth in my hand and telling her firmly not to scream while looking her in the eyes. But she's developed a tickle spot there now and it's a game so that is out. 

Maybe its a phase? She was also sick so it seems like that may of been her way of expressing that she wasn't feeling well and had no patience. 
 


 Enjoying 7+ Years of marriage with my bff/hubby. 2twins.gif SAHM to babygirl.gif Norrie.  Wehomebirth.jpgcd.gifbftoddler.gif,delayedvax.gifselectivevax.gif

We have cat.gif),dog2.gifdog2.gif. and a tree frog. 

I am a "Multicrafty"knit.gifsewmachine.gif mamma to be who blogs at: http://www.myslightlycrunchylife.blogspot.com

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