Keeping shoes on in the car - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 64 Old 11-04-2012, 11:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Any suggestions on what I can do to have Adaline keep her shoes on in the car?

 

She takes them off every time and throws them in the floor of the minivan, which requires me (with my huge freakin belly) to go around to the other side of the van, crawl over a seat, pick them up, go back over to her side, and put them on. It also adds and extra 2-3 minutes to every single stop we make when we run errands. 

 

It's getting cold outside, and Im losing my patience about it. I've had to do this in the chilly rain a few times now, and Im not a happy camper about it. I need her to keep her shoes on. We have two more babies coming, and I cant imagine having to get two more kids out of the car, and having to deal with her shoes. We have to run errands, and that's not going to end. I cant leave her with someone every time, so this has to be resolved.

 

Ive tried negotiation. I've tried rewards. I've tried explaining how hard it is for mommy to reach her shoes. Her shoes are the right size, they are always cute, they are always pretty, she picks them out when we buy them and every day when deciding what to wear, and she loves wearing shoes when we are out. She just gets in the car and her mind somehow clicks over to "Oh, were inside, I cant take off my shoes". 

 

My solution is just go go a few weeks without letting her wear tights (she hates socks) and everytime she takes her shoes off, she has to walk barefoot to wherever we are going. It's cold (but not very cold), so she'll only do it a few times, IMO. But, DH thinks it's "too mean". IMO, the natural consequence of taking off your shoes, is that you dont have shoes on when it's time to get out, so you dont wear shoes to wherever we're going. 

 

Im open to other suggestions, but Im serious about nipping this in the bud in the next couple of weeks before it gets freezing outside and Im standing out in freezing rain putting her shoes on. 


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#2 of 64 Old 11-04-2012, 12:31 PM
 
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That doesn't sound too mean to me. Doing it in snow would be mean. nak.

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#3 of 64 Old 11-04-2012, 12:40 PM
 
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We've gone through this stage too.  eyesroll.gif

  

 

I found that the best I could do to prevent it (or keep it from becoming too annoying for myself) was either going only with:

 

1. Shoes that were super easy to put on/off (slip on rain boots or sneakers/crocs/etc. - nothing with a buckle or attachment of any kind).  So that it wasn't me putting her shoes back on - I'd just hand everything to dd and tell her what to do (or unbuckle her and have her get and do it herself).  

You could also put them on her to walk to the car, remove them after helping her in and putting them somewhere easy for you to get them, and then have her put them back on herself when you are wherever you're going.

AND I just realized that dd2 here is just 4 days older than yours -- so yeah, I think you're fine asking her to crawl around the car to get the shoes and do it herself, assuming that you have shoes she can do completely by herself.

 

2. Tied shoes that dd1 couldn't take off herself (not sure whether that is also the case for your dd).  And yes - I'd sometimes wrap the laces around to tie in the back too, and sometimes it didn't help (but sometimes it did). 

 

 

 

I think either of these would end up having a minor but understandable consequence of her not being allowed to wear whatever shoes she wanted, until this wasn't such a big problem when going out.  I don't think I'd have my kid walking places barefoot because they took off their shoes in the car, but I don't think it's that big a deal to end up doing it that way.  Especially when the brunt of what you need to do to fix the shoes is currently difficult and just getting to you the way this sounds like it has.  Good luck. winky.gif

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#4 of 64 Old 11-04-2012, 01:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We've gone through this stage too.  eyesroll.gif

  

 

I found that the best I could do to prevent it (or keep it from becoming too annoying for myself) was either going only with:

 

1. Shoes that were super easy to put on/off (slip on rain boots or sneakers/crocs/etc. - nothing with a buckle or attachment of any kind).  So that it wasn't me putting her shoes back on - I'd just hand everything to dd and tell her what to do (or unbuckle her and have her get and do it herself).  

You could also put them on her to walk to the car, remove them after helping her in and putting them somewhere easy for you to get them, and then have her put them back on herself when you are wherever you're going.

AND I just realized that dd2 here is just 4 days older than yours -- so yeah, I think you're fine asking her to crawl around the car to get the shoes and do it herself, assuming that you have shoes she can do completely by herself.

 

2. Tied shoes that dd1 couldn't take off herself (not sure whether that is also the case for your dd).  And yes - I'd sometimes wrap the laces around to tie in the back too, and sometimes it didn't help (but sometimes it did). 

 

 

 

I think either of these would end up having a minor but understandable consequence of her not being allowed to wear whatever shoes she wanted, until this wasn't such a big problem when going out.  I don't think I'd have my kid walking places barefoot because they took off their shoes in the car, but I don't think it's that big a deal to end up doing it that way.  Especially when the brunt of what you need to do to fix the shoes is currently difficult and just getting to you the way this sounds like it has.  Good luck. winky.gif

Well, since she LOVES to crawl all over the van and play, Im sure she would not view this as any kind of consequence. It would, however, add even more time onto my errands, so Im not sure that is an option. Plus, Id still have to get out to unstrap her, then stand there or get back in the car until she got her shoes on. (she can put all of her shoes on herself, we only have one pair with laces). 

 

I have tried taking them off myself and then putting them on when we get where we are going, and that works out okay, but now that it's getting cold, Im already going to have to get out of the van, put my coat on, unstrap her, put her coat on, and then also put her shoes on and Id really like to remove as many steps as possible because I hate standing in cold parking lots forever. I really want to just be able to get out and go for these last couple of months of pregnancy (because, lets face it, it will be the last time in my entire life that Ill ever be able to just get out and go anywhere :) )


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#5 of 64 Old 11-05-2012, 05:11 AM
 
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I don't think having her walk barefoot in the cold is too mean, but I wonder if she's still a little young to think ahead about the consequences and stop herself from taking her shoes off to avoid a consequence or get a reward.  Especially since it sounds like taking her shoes off has become such a habit that she may do it automatically, without even thinking about it.  It would probably be better if you could somehow stop her before she takes them off and keep doing that enough times that she gets out of the habit.

 

How quickly can she get them off, and how hard is it for you tell that she's doing it?  Could you plan some short trips where you try to keep an eye on what she's doing and nip the shoe removal in the bud as soon as she starts?  Or if you can't see what she's doing, can you remind her very frequently as you're driving that she needs to keep her shoes on and keep asking her if they're still on?  I know this would be a pain, but maybe you could do some very short trips - 5 or 10 minutes at first - just to practice keeping shoes on and during those trips you could constantly - like every 30 seconds - remind her to keep her shoes on.  Maybe you could pass back little food rewards every time you check and her shoes are still on. 

 

Or what if you do something to make it harder for her to get them off, or at least make her stop and think and remember she's supposed to keep them on?  Maybe you could tie plastic grocery bags over them, or slip adult socks over them.  That would also be a pain, but maybe it would be worth doing it for a while just to break the habit.

 

Personally, I think I would just have her wear crocs or rain boots and take them off myself and put them in a convenient place every time.

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#6 of 64 Old 11-05-2012, 06:38 AM
 
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Sigh.  Yeah, kids can make finding solutions to this kind of stuff a real pain sometimes.  I'll admit I can't remember much else we ended up doing that helped at the time, other than lots of yelling and pleading about "Just please don't take off your shoes!  Not again!  And why your socks too, now where are they?!"

 

 

 

I feel like I may have seen some version of leg warmers/shoe covers for the slightly older toddler designed to keep them warm, but might help for something like this.  I'll look around during my aimless internet time and see if I come across it again - but like a fleece cover for lower legs/top of shoe with a bit of elastic on each end.  (Again, designed to keep them warm, but if it covered the shoe enough it might work out for you too?).

 

Would she go for something like: tie some pretty ribbons over her shoes.  Tell her they're to remind her to NOT take off her shoes for you when you guys are out, and that if she feels like she wants to take off her shoes she can take off the ribbons instead (you could tie bells onto them for playing, even?).    It might help satisfy her boredom in the car which is probably why she's taking off the shoes (just something to do).  ???  If she likes novel/new things, it might be interesting enough to help her avoid the habit after a few tries. 

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#7 of 64 Old 11-05-2012, 08:49 AM
 
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I think if you allow her/force her to walk barefoot from the car to the store, you are opening yourself up to well-meaning strangers who don't understand the situation calling CPS, or giving you dirty looks, etc.

 

I used the pink converse high-tops with laces that she could not untie when she was that age. Anything to make your life easier right now, Mama, even if it means she can't be as independent in putting her shoes on for a while.

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#8 of 64 Old 11-05-2012, 09:16 AM
 
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My dd is a couple of months older.
I would just not put shoes on until we get out of the car.
This phase ended soon enough.

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#9 of 64 Old 11-05-2012, 09:32 AM
 
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Little Miss also hates her shoes.  I've retrieved a shoe from just about everywhere... the lettuce display, under another car, she's got an awesome throwing arm.  She doesn't respond to "consequences" with anything other than amusement (although, to be fair, I'm talking about a 13-month old here, so our "consequences" are really just practice, and pretty laughable) so I went the opposite route about a month ago, when I realized she was gearing up to walk and shoes would soon become a real need instead of just adorable.  I started putting her shoes on just before something AWESOME happened outside.  For example, I'd stick her shoes on, and then take her to the swing.  Oh yeah.  Or I'd stick her shoes on and we'd go get the mail.  SWEET!  In any case, I associated something positive with shoes as often as possible throughout the day.  I don't know if you, being pregnant with twins, have the energy for this approach, but it's worked really well for us.  She rarely pitches her shoes off any more.  She gets all excited to see them. 

 

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#10 of 64 Old 11-05-2012, 06:26 PM
 
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I would definitely NOT go with the plan of taking off her shoes yourself and then putting them back on.  That is just going to reinforce the idea in her mind that shoes comes off when we get in the car.

 

I also dont' think having her walk barefoot is mean, but I also don't think it is really a good consequence.  I mean, she can't just walk barefoot around stores or restaurants, so you are still going to have to stand around and put her shoes on outside anyway.

 

I would go with either shoes she CAN'T get off, (if there are any) combined with almost constant reminders to keep her shoes on, and maybe even rewards that you give her as soon as you arrive at your destination if she keeps her shoes on for the entire ride.   If you have any dolls that have shoes, you could also use the dolls for "practice" or role-playing and if she ever rides in the car with anyone else in the backseat then be sure to point out how mommy/daddy/nana/etc. is wearing their shoes while riding in the car.  I think basically just keep reminding her to keep her shoes on and do as much reinforcing fo that concept as possible.

 

Good luck!


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#11 of 64 Old 11-05-2012, 06:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks. I hadnt thought of the idea of using her doll. 

 

I think the part that frustrates me so much is that I *constantly* remind her while we are in the car. By constantly, I mean every 20-30 seconds- it's the primary thing Im doing while in the car. I cant ever make a phone call, or listen to the radio, or anything while Im in the car, because it feels like my sole job is verbally reminding her. Then, when I get to the destination and they are off Im really annoyed.

 

I think you are right about how she cant walk around in stores, so Ill still have to put her shoes back on her at some point. I really dont want to take her shoes off and put them back on every time, mainly because Im super worried about having to get three kids out of the car and still having to put her damn shoes on everytime. 
 

She's a super negotiater, and she *def* knows when she is doing something she isnt supposed to. She works well with consequences, I just cant seem to find one that works. We only have one pair of shoes that doesnt come off, and they arent very good for walking in if it has rained or is cold (they are converse shoes) Maybe I should invest in something to keep from taking them off. 

 

Im going to try the doll and also tying ribbons around her shoes this week and we'll see if that helps. 


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#12 of 64 Old 11-05-2012, 07:53 PM
 
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Is she still rear facing? Personally, I prefer my rear facing 2 year old to have shoes off in the winter to protect the car seat. It's super easy to slip rain boots on and off. Much less work than ribbons if you ask me. Another option would be to put elastic cuff rain pants over boots. She won't be able to get them off then!
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#13 of 64 Old 11-05-2012, 08:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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She is still rear facing. Our winters really arent bad enough to need to protect the car seat. She wont be walking through tons of snow or anything.  It's just unpleasant to stand in a parking lot and put her shoes on. The thing is, she fights putting them back on , she wants to do everything herself, and it takes forever. 


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#14 of 64 Old 11-05-2012, 09:02 PM
 
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I would just go with rain boots. Strap her in, whip them off in a second and put them in a cup holder up front. At the destination, slip them on in two seconds and then het her out. Since she is a smart girl, the consequence of only being able to wear the boots instead of the pretty shoes she likes should help. If she REALLY wants to put them on herself then the rain boots again are super quick. Since you take them, you won't have to hunt for them. I know it's more work than having her keep them on but it's less work than reminding her and fighting with her.
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#15 of 64 Old 11-05-2012, 10:36 PM
 
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I'd just take them off when she got into the car and put them back on when it's time to get out. My daughter always takes her shoes off, so my son wants to too. They usually just drop to the ground and they put them back on when we get to our destination, or if at home they frequently walk in barefoot. I don't know. It's never really bothered me I guess. It takes them longer to finally get out of their seats after I unlatch them than it takes me to get their shoes back on. If I really hated it, I'd probably try and find some shoes that were not so easy to get off. Duct tape? kidding.
 


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#16 of 64 Old 11-06-2012, 04:05 AM
 
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I would just go with rain boots. Strap her in, whip them off in a second and put them in a cup holder up front. At the destination, slip them on in two seconds and then het her out. Since she is a smart girl, the consequence of only being able to wear the boots instead of the pretty shoes she likes should help. If she REALLY wants to put them on herself then the rain boots again are super quick. Since you take them, you won't have to hunt for them. I know it's more work than having her keep them on but it's less work than reminding her and fighting with her.

yeahthat.gif Rainboots. And I would take them off when you strap her in, throw them back as soon as you park and have her "race" to get them on before you get unbuckled and around to her door.

 

I have four kids and a super hard to navigate car and I feel your pain. Toddlers just.don't.care. that they are making you wait and in my opinion drag things out more if you harp on them.

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#17 of 64 Old 11-06-2012, 06:29 AM
 
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Can she put the shoes on easily by herself? If my kids kick their shoes off in the car I normally leave them on the floor, and then I have them put the shoes on when we arrive. If we go somewhere where shoes are not required I let the kids decide whether they would like to wear them or not. I insist that it is my childs choice whether to go barefoot or not, unless we're going into a store or another place of business, but I do insist we bring shoes with us in case they either change their minds or get questioned about shoes.


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#18 of 64 Old 11-06-2012, 06:52 AM
 
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I think the constant reminders are what is causing the issue. You are making it into a HUGE deal. That is a lot of power the shoes have.

I have a shoe remover too. He's 5 and his shoes still come off almost every time we are in the car. Heck he tries to take them off on the subway to!

I admit sometimes I get mad and frustrated about it (really we were moving the car around the parking lot to a closer store and the shoes came off!)

But we just have easy on shoes (rainboots, crocs, keen shoes with the bungee cord style laces) and I put them on before I unbuckle him.

Our issue is that he sometimes chucks them in the car (into the trunk and once in a whole up front) and that causes major issues (it is dangerous to throw things in the car)

I'd agree with the other that you choose easy on/off shoes. They come off when she goes in the seat and back on before she is unbuckled. If that means she can't wear her favorite shoes in the car so be it.
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#19 of 64 Old 11-06-2012, 08:06 AM
 
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You're asking what you can do to make a toddler choose to keep her shoes on in the car.  The answer is: nothing.  There is absolutely nothing in the universe that you can do to ensure that your toddler will choose to keep her shoes on.  You can beg, threaten, punish, bribe, cry, whine, or scream.  But none of those things can force your toddler to make the choice that you want her to make.  It's frustrating as hell, but that's just how it is.  So, since you can't compel her to do what you want her to do, you have to decide how to change the situation.  Either remove the choice, by putting on shoes that are impossible for her to take off, or control the situation by removing the shoes yourself so you don't have to crawl around, or take your chances and try to stack the odds in your favor that she'll make the choice you want through begging, bribes, punishments, etc.  Those are really your only options.

 

Maybe if you take them off yourself, you can pass them back to her to put on herself before you get out of the car?  That will still take awhile, but at least you don't have to stand out in the cold waiting, which sounds like one of your biggest concerns.  The other thing I'm hearing is that you're really afraid of how this is going to work when you add twins to the mix.  I can't really help there, since I've never had twins, and that does sound a little overwhelming.  But you can't make your DD be any older than she is.  You need her to grow up and help, but she just can't.  She's still mostly a baby herself.  Also, I've found that sometimes, when I've put a lot of energy into worrying about how I'm going to cope with a behavior, it ends up resolving itself anyway.  I was worried about a lot of things before my second child was born, but I found that 1) he was a million times easier than his big sister was, 2) it was so much easier the second time because I already knew how to be a mom--I knew how to bathe a baby and nurse a baby and comfort a baby, and 3) everything was so much easier to handle when I just wasn't pregnant anymore.  Again, I know twins are going to be a much bigger adjustment for you and your family, but you may be putting more energy into worrying about how big of an impact the shoe issue is going to have.

 

I hope you do get to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, however the shoe thing plays out!

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#20 of 64 Old 11-06-2012, 08:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Guys, I really not  being ridiculous here. There are TONS of kids her age that dont take their shoes off in the car. We are around other children all the time whose parents dont deal with this. I asked what I can do to NOT have her take them off, not what I can do to let her keep doing the same thing and it not bother me. Im 6 months pregnant with twins in the winter. Im not standing in parking lots putting shoes back on. Shes going to have to learn not to do this, just like she learns not to do lots of other things I tell her not to do. She did it long before the reminders, so the reminders arent whats causing it. Im not going to ignore the problem here, which seems to be the basic answer to any question I ever have when coming to this board. I know what my child is capable of learning to not do. Gentle discipline does not always equal redefining what is okay for you and your family just to not make your child have to change her behavior. 

 

Ill figure it out myself- thanks for all your input. 


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#21 of 64 Old 11-06-2012, 08:52 AM
 
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I think the ribbon idea is a great idea to help her learn that shoes stay on in the car, while giving her an outlet for boredom, if you can handle that extra step or two.  But if you're just at the end of your rope I'd go ahead and buy some tall shoes with laces that she can't undo herself.  That would be a quick solution and the only thing you'd have to do is explain that those are the shoes she wears when you're going places now because she was taking the others off, and deal with whatever whining ensued.
 

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#22 of 64 Old 11-06-2012, 09:02 AM
 
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I'm sorry you didn't find my approach helpful, I was genuinely trying to help. I'm a "pick my battles" type mom and this would be a situation I would handle by removing the problem. There were other posters who made suggestions about how to help keep the shoes on (shoe covers/legwarmers, ribbons) and I also remember a post about how this may be an automatic habit that is not done on purpose. We are brainstorming and chiming in, suggesting different approaches that could make travel with a toddler and newborn twins a little easier. If this was a simple matter of learning how not to do it like other things in the past, I'd imagine she would have stopped by now. I don't think anyone said you were being ridiculous. It's a tough nut to crack and we are trying. Hugs.
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#23 of 64 Old 11-06-2012, 09:31 AM
 
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Ooof, that sounds like a frustrating situation.

 

My son had a similar-ish faze around that age.  Except, he would refuse to put his shoes on when it was time to leave the house.  He is a pretty independent guy, and he loved having the freedom to walk next to me and explore at the store or wherever we were going on errands.  His natural consequence for not putting on his shoes was that when we got to where we were going, he had to ride in the Ergo on my back, or in the stroller, or in the cart.  Of course he'd complain about being confined, but I'd remind him that he isn't allowed to walk through the store without shoes on.  It eventually sunk in.  Would an approach like this be an option for you both?  I know the back carry in the Ergo would be a no-go for you now, but perhaps being confined to the cart or stroller would work?

 

Hang in there!  


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#24 of 64 Old 11-06-2012, 09:34 AM
 
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I would just not put the shoes on her in the first place.  You take the shoes and set them next to you in the front seat of the car, then have her put them on before getting out of the car.  Unless you park a block away from home, she can walk to the car in bare feet.

 

Sometimes if you take the option away, they will make a different choice later on.  Some kids just like the control they have, and if you keep giving her the option, she will choose the same option each time.  Especially if you engage her every 20 seconds with "don't take your shoes off...mommy doesn't like it when she has to reach your shoes".  It's practically begging to be disobeyed.  That's like saying "put those in your rooom  Okaaaaaay?"  The answer is "no" because "Okaaaay?" makes it optional.  

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#25 of 64 Old 11-06-2012, 09:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm sorry you didn't find my approach helpful, I was genuinely trying to help. I'm a "pick my battles" type mom and this would be a situation I would handle by removing the problem. There were other posters who made suggestions about how to help keep the shoes on (shoe covers/legwarmers, ribbons) and I also remember a post about how this may be an automatic habit that is not done on purpose. We are brainstorming and chiming in, suggesting different approaches that could make travel with a toddler and newborn twins a little easier. If this was a simple matter of learning how not to do it like other things in the past, I'd imagine she would have stopped by now. I don't think anyone said you were being ridiculous. It's a tough nut to crack and we are trying. Hugs.

 

Sorry, this wasnt really directed at you. Im glad for the helpful advice, but really soon, she is not going to be in a spot in the van that is easy for me to get to, and she is going to have to keep her shoes on. Period.  But I like your rainboots idea for quick situations. 

 

As to the bolded, while I agree that some things havent worked so far, typically when she is continuously doing something over and over again and wont listen to reason I make a consequence that seems to go best with the behavior and within a week the behavior is no longer happening. I havent done that yet- which is why I feel like she hasnt stopped yet. I would have already made her walk barefoot from the car to the store, but DH asked me to come up with another consequence because he thought it was "too mean".

 

 

I'm a pick my battles sort of mama too, and this is one I just cant let go, because it's just not going to work for us to go anywhere if she keeps doing it. Bending over, fighting her to get her shoes on, her telling me she doesnt like her shoes because she didnt get to pick them out, it just cant happen every single day. Its not a matter of her needing to grow up, its a matter of her needing to understand that this is one of the rules of the car that she has to follow- just like how if throws her snacks in the van, she gets no snacks. We don't live in the car- we dont get comfortable enough in the car to start removing all of our clothes. She also knows how to unstrap herself and get out, but she has learned not to do that too. (after not going to playgroup two times when she knew we were on the way there and she unstrapped and stood up in her carseat). 

 

 

I know that with some guidance and with a consequence that this is something DD is capable of doing. If after a few weeks isnt, then we will put the issue on hold or try something else. But for now, Im likely just going to go with my gut and make her walk while it's still only just a bit nippy. Also, she hates to be carried to the store.She always wants to walk herself, so it may be that I just dont let her walk because she has no shoes and then she has to be in a cart the whole time we are in the store. I do keep a pair of crocs in my purse for this purpose, and I guess I will switch those out for some rainboots.  I want her to associate her shoes with the freedom to do things on her own, because that seems to be the most important thing to her right now. 

 

 

Puddle:

Honestly, while I stand by my statement that often when I see people asking for advice in this forum, they are basically told to let it go, which is why I almost never post here, the real thing that made me grumpy was being told how much easier having a second kid is. This isn't my first go-round having a second baby. I've already had a second baby. I know how much easier it is to nurse, and I know how to "be a mom" to a second child. Twins will be hard, and Im going to be dealing with a lot. I took care of DD when she was 20 months old when Charlie was born, and I know that with TWO kids and with my current life situation this time is going to be even harder than it was last time.


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#26 of 64 Old 11-06-2012, 10:05 AM
 
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Puddle:

Honestly, while I stand by my statement that often when I see people asking for advice in this forum, they are basically told to let it go, which is why I almost never post here, the real thing that made me grumpy was being told how much easier having a second kid is. This isn't my first go-round having a second baby. I've already had a second baby. I know how much easier it is to nurse, and I know how to "be a mom" to a second child. Twins will be hard, and Im going to be dealing with a lot. I took care of DD when she was 20 months old when Charlie was born, and I know that with TWO kids and with my current life situation this time is going to be even harder than it was last time.

 

I'm sorry my post offended you! Twins are definitely going to be difficult to adjust to, and I completely acknowledge that.  I was just trying to relate my own experience about being stressed before my son was born, and how for me, the problems were not as big as I'd made them out to be when it came down to it.  I was not trying to say that you didn't know what to expect or that you were being ridiculous, and I'm sorry for my failure at communication!  Sometimes when I jump in, in snatched moments of down time, I don't have time to fully think through the possible interpretations of my words, and I'm sorry for that.  That part of my post was about my experience only, and I'm sorry it didn't translate well.  I was really worried about how things were going to change when my second was born, since most of my friends had really tough times with that transition, and it ended up not being as rough for me as I anticipated.  And while adding twins to your family is going to be an exponentially larger transition, I have no idea what you are anticipating and what your babies will be like and what things you're worried about, so I was just trying to add in that perspective, because some people do tend to overworry (and others don't worry enough), and I have no idea what your tendencies are.  Obviously you should disregard any suggestions that don't resonate with you--none of us know you or your child or your family as well as you do.

 

I hope the transition goes as smoothly as possible for you, and I hope that your family finds a solution to the shoe problem that works and reduces your stress!

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#27 of 64 Old 11-06-2012, 10:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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It's okay :) Im just super sensitive to being told how a second child is going to be for me. I get it all the time, when people see me pregnant in public or having a difficulty with DD and then they notice Im pregnant and say something like, "It's so much harder once the second one is born." and I want to scream in their face that I've had a second baby and he just isnt here anymore. But I dont. So, sorry Im being so sensitive, stuff is just really hard and not about to get any easier. 


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#28 of 64 Old 11-06-2012, 10:22 AM
 
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It's okay :) Im just super sensitive to being told how a second child is going to be for me. I get it all the time, when people see me pregnant in public or having a difficulty with DD and then they notice Im pregnant and say something like, "It's so much harder once the second one is born." and I want to scream in their face that I've had a second baby and he just isnt here anymore. But I dont. So, sorry Im being so sensitive, stuff is just really hard and not about to get any easier. 


If there's one time in your life that you're entitled to be super sensitive, mama, this is it.  hug2.gif

 

Sending good thoughts to you and your family.

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#29 of 64 Old 11-07-2012, 01:05 PM
 
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Hi there,

 

I only skimmed the thread but one point which I didn't see and I wanted to remind you of is:

 

You seem worried about what this situation will be like when there are twin babies added into the mix.
You know that everything is a phase. You know this will pass, no matter what you do or not. You have had kids long enough to have seen these sorts of things play themselves out.

 

I am not saying you shouldn't do anything; by all means you need to try various solutions and see what works or not.

I just want to remind you that there is every chance she will have moved on to the next thing and be over the shoe removal by the time the twins arrive. So at the very least, you can stop imagining how much harder this is going to get with the twins in the picture. Maybe it won't, because maybe she won't be removing her shoes every time by then. Maybe because one of these ideas will work, or maybe she will just get over it and move on to the next thing. Not only maybe but most likely. You know how much can change in a few months in the life of small kids.

 

I hear how worried you are about the intense demands of having twins and a young girl. I hope you can find some respite from that.

 

Best of luck, I hope the shoe thing passes on its own or with your guidance asap!!!!


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#30 of 64 Old 11-08-2012, 08:23 AM
 
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I skimmed through the posts...my second child was a heck of a lot harder then my first in a different way. Both were different...not easier at all. Both of my kids took their shoes off...I know you say kids don't... but after 9 nieces and nephews on top of my own..I have never seen a kid who hasn't taken shoes off. In fact my youngest I never put them on because while my first did it in silence my second will scream the entire car ride until she vomits because she cant take them off (if I put on shoes and socks she is unable to get off) id rather ride in peace and put on her shoes in the cold (it gets very cold here) then hear her cry because she cant take a shoe off. Don't let her walk barefoot out in public...with cameras in every shopping center someone could see it and decide to report it to cps. Also it doesn't work. My daughter would have thought it so cool to be barefoot and carried around even if it was snowing.

So here is a crazy thing..my first was diagnosed with spd. My second has eczema on her feet and it itches. My first was always taking her coat off and that annoyed me...she also grew out of the shoe phase but takes her pants off and will go outside to play on her underwear because she is always hot. She also always picks at her crotch because she says her underwear bothers her. She is 5 by the way. Treat it like its a physical issue and not something she is doing to annoy you. Don't put shoes on her...let her wear slippers she puts on herself before you get out of the car. My 2 year old is going through it now. If I make a big deal she laughs because it is now a game. If I work with her...then it is over. .maybe she says she doesn't like the shoes she gets to pick out because the ones you pick hurt her feet? I am not trying to be mean or anything but my child still wont fully tell me things bother her and she is 5. Between being a worrier and wanting to please us and having spd she still cant tell us if something is bothering her until we really really dig with lots of questions.

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