Help me plan a philosophical discussion on the various schools of thought within GD. - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 35 Old 11-25-2012, 06:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm interested in spurring some discussions about the various philosophies that fall under the umbrella of GD. I was going to just start some discussions but I realized I'm not quite qualified to talk about a lot of them and thought maybe some of you would like to lead a topic or two.

 

Ones I can think of off the top of my head: 

 

A way to go about this would be for folks to share what they know, share a few good articles, paraphrase from books and etc. We can also add a philosophical discussion of specific books. 

 

Another idea I had was we could create some hypothetical situations and give solutions based on several different philosophies. #1#2

 

Anyone want to volunteer for some of these? 


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#2 of 35 Old 11-25-2012, 07:12 PM
 
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Another idea I had was we could create some hypothetical situations and give solutions based on several different philosophies. 

I would love to read threads like this.

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#3 of 35 Old 11-26-2012, 04:32 AM
 
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I would love this! We do a mix of CL and NVC, but I think I may volunteer for TCS since that is pretty similar to CL. Let me think on it and get back to you.


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#4 of 35 Old 11-26-2012, 04:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Mittsy, it would be wonderful if you could host as many of these as you want. The format and readings could be up to you. You could also choose to do one thread on how the concepts are similar or not. Thank you so much! 


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#5 of 35 Old 11-26-2012, 04:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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What is CL, btw? 


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#6 of 35 Old 11-26-2012, 04:42 AM
 
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Originally Posted by IdentityCrisisMama View Post

What is CL, btw? 


Consensual Living. It is very similar to TCS, at least from the little research I've done on the two subjects, mainly CL is about treating everyone with respect and finding solutions that work for everyone while TCS is the same but more child centered.

 

I think I would be most comfortable talking about CL and NVC as those are what we use and know the most about here. Thank you for opening this section up for this!


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#7 of 35 Old 11-26-2012, 04:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ha, LIVING!! I figured it was consensual but I couldn't figure out the "L" part. I forgot about that one. Feel free to do that and/or add to my list of other philosophies. I'm going to add CL to that list now...

 

I would love if you could host a discussion on NVC and CL - neither of which I know all that much about. When you star, will you link to this thread so Mittsy and I can find it? I will participate and help bump it for more attention. I also know there were some other members interested so I'm sure it will be a most appreciated thread. Looking forward to it...


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#8 of 35 Old 11-26-2012, 08:52 AM
 
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Do you, or anybody else, know if WuWei is still around? She is pretty much "the expert" on CL, around here at least and that I know of.


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#9 of 35 Old 11-26-2012, 09:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I PM'd WuWei. And I got confused up thread...I meant can you link to me and Marsupial can find it. dizzy.gif


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#10 of 35 Old 11-28-2012, 06:35 AM
 
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I got confused by your last sentence. Would you mind saying that again?


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#11 of 35 Old 11-30-2012, 08:44 AM
 
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Love the idea.  I was never organized enough to use a specific method or philosophy, just tried to listen to my kids.  Our family turned out to be kind of an anarchy, in the "rules rather than rulers" sense.  This came in handy when they were already bigger than I was and one of them was asked to back down from a sibling confrontation.  When he said, "You can't make me," I replied, "That's right -- I can't" and just let it hang there hoping all the years until that point would do their work.  And he went with it.  That was a really cool moment.  Kids really do live up to the chances you give them.


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#12 of 35 Old 11-30-2012, 09:54 AM
 
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I don't know what parenting/discipline 'style' I used. I'm not familiar with what's been mentioned. I love to learn, though. Mostly I tried to do things better than what was done to me. It would be good to have philosophies to teach my son, so he can have more choices.
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#13 of 35 Old 11-30-2012, 01:56 PM
 
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I've done the most reading about UP, and it really, really resonates with me. I've only read one of Alfie Kohn's books, but I'd like to read others. I also LOVE LOVE LOVE getting The Daily Groove emails, little nuggets of parenting wisdom and encouragement based on unconditional living.

It seems like these philosophies overlap a lot, no? Obviously, I guess, since they're all under the GD umbrella. Does anyone know enough about all of these to do a quick at-a-glance comparison on what the particular focus is of each philosophy?



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#14 of 35 Old 12-01-2012, 05:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Mittsy View Post

I got confused by your last sentence. Would you mind saying that again?

Sorry, Mittsy - I had gotten the user names mixed up in a previous post. I had asked you to link for "me and Mittsy" so we could find the thread. I meant "me and Marsupial". 

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Love the idea.  I was never organized enough to use a specific method or philosophy, just tried to listen to my kids.  Our family turned out to be kind of an anarchy, in the "rules rather than rulers" sense.  rk.  And he went with it.  That was a really cool moment.  Kids really do live up to the chances you give them.

This sounds great! It reminds me of this democratic school I looked at for DC recently. The had the rules, ruled rather than teacher or administrator. 

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Originally Posted by pek64 View Post

I don't know what parenting/discipline 'style' I used. I'm not familiar with what's been mentioned. I love to learn, though. Mostly I tried to do things better than what was done to me. It would be good to have philosophies to teach my son, so he can have more choices.

Sometimes, you may find that you've been doing a "philosophy" all along. I know that I rarely tweaked my instincts to follow a philosophy - the other way around. A philosophy helped frame what I already knew was right for my family. Reading about them helps me feel like I'm being intentional and helps me feel more confident but the core is still "us". 

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Originally Posted by luckiest View Post

It seems like these philosophies overlap a lot, no? Obviously, I guess, since they're all under the GD umbrella. Does anyone know enough about all of these to do a quick at-a-glance comparison on what the particular focus is of each philosophy?

I love UP too. And, yes, I'm sure they overlap quite a bit but I think lots don't. I would LOVE an at a glance guide -- and that's something that we can compile if this ever takes off. We could ask folks to write (or copy) a brief summary as they start their thread and then compile all of those. Any  chance you want to do UP? AK has some nice articles you could link. 


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#15 of 35 Old 12-01-2012, 05:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I could do TCS if I can get my hands on a copy of the book. I did take a class from them but I'd need to refresh a bit before sharing wiht others...


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#16 of 35 Old 12-01-2012, 09:06 AM
 
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I don't know if this is a parenting style, but I follow Myrna Shure's work and find it very gentle and also helpful because it has so many examples. She has a feelings awareness approach that works on the whole family. I also like Alfie Kohn and am very lightly into Cl especially as dd gets older.
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#17 of 35 Old 12-01-2012, 10:12 AM
 
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I could definitely write up a quick summary of UP.  I feel like I've had to explain it about ten thousand times to confused family members, so I have a pretty good UP elevator pitch!  Fair warning, we're severely limiting our screen time at the moment so it may take me a while to write something up.  I'll keep it very brief, just the high points so that the unfamiliar can get a feel for it, and include links for further reading.

 

I would LOVE a thread of how to handle specific situations/conflicts.  My knowledge is 100% theory, I've had very little practice actually implementing problem solving techniques (DS just turned 2, no siblings).   




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#18 of 35 Old 12-01-2012, 10:38 AM
 
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I may be able to help with how to handle the specific situations/conflicts. We've been traveling this road for about 3yrs now so I feel I have a good amount of experience.


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#19 of 35 Old 12-02-2012, 04:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I could definitely write up a quick summary of UP.  I feel like I've had to explain it about ten thousand times to confused family members, so I have a pretty good UP elevator pitch!  Fair warning, we're severely limiting our screen time at the moment so it may take me a while to write something up.  I'll keep it very brief, just the high points so that the unfamiliar can get a feel for it, and include links for further reading.

 

I would LOVE a thread of how to handle specific situations/conflicts.  My knowledge is 100% theory, I've had very little practice actually implementing problem solving techniques (DS just turned 2, no siblings).   

I think UP could be a great first topic. Would you like to start a thread? Link here and we can join in.


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#20 of 35 Old 12-02-2012, 04:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I would LOVE a thread of how to handle specific situations/conflicts.  My knowledge is 100% theory, I've had very little practice actually implementing problem solving techniques (DS just turned 2, no siblings).   

 

I will start a theoretical convo...


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#21 of 35 Old 12-02-2012, 04:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1369255/gd-study-hypothetical-situation-1


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#22 of 35 Old 12-02-2012, 04:44 PM
 
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Have you heard back from WuWei yet? I would be willing to write about CL, but I wanted to know if she would prefer to cover that topic.

 

I plan on getting out the thread about nvc sometime soon.


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#23 of 35 Old 12-02-2012, 04:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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No, she hasn't written back -- go ahead and start one. That would be great. 


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#24 of 35 Old 01-04-2013, 06:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Bumpity-bump-bump...

 

Anybody want to go next? How about a TCS'er or a UPer? 


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#25 of 35 Old 01-04-2013, 06:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, and thanks Mittsy!! 


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#26 of 35 Old 01-04-2013, 01:06 PM
 
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a UP thread is up:

 

http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1371499/unconditional-parenting-primer-and-discussion-thread




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#27 of 35 Old 01-04-2013, 02:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Awesome! 


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#28 of 35 Old 01-09-2013, 03:30 PM
 
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Thank you for organizing this! I have a 2.5 DS & a 14yr old SD (now living with us but not raised by me). I need this!

Sent from my phone using Tapatalk, please ignore typos.

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#29 of 35 Old 01-11-2013, 01:27 PM
 
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Has anyone attended a talk by Kim John Payne called The Soul of Discipline?  

 

I absolutely LOVED his book (Simplicity Parenting), and his thoughts on discipline in the book are intriguing to me.  Not dissimilar to UP, but he mentions that children under 7 are really not capable of making all the choices we throw at them, that it overwhelms them.  I think he's talking less about "blue shirt or green shirt" choices, and more the "What should we do today / Where do you want to sit / When do you want to leave" choices, and that a parent's role at that age is more as a benevolent dictator, hearing them and genuinely considering their input, but ultimately being the one in charge and having the last word.  

 

The section in the book is quite short (well, the whole book is quite short), but I know he does a lecture on discipline, so I was hoping someone had heard it.




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#30 of 35 Old 01-11-2013, 01:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That sounds super interesting -- wanna do another informative thread about that? I logged onto this forum, actually, to add some clarification questions to your UP thread....stay tuned. love.gif  

 

If I can find some good online sources for PET stuff I'll post about that. I did take a class and think I have a good enough foundation but I really need to get some clarity and a refresher. 


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