Not even sure why I am posting this. I used to be about listening more. Lately I feel differently.
I feel like when I say something they have to listen. I do give them freedoms but talking back will get consequences. Not picking something up will be given consequences. I still do not believe in spanking or that kind of punishment. But I do believe that they should listen to my husband and I when we ask them to do something. We are their parents. We are not strict but we can raise our voices when we are frustrated. I am ok with that now. We are a loving family just trudging along. :)
I just think it is strange that I went from OH maybe they shouldn't have to clean up after themselves because they are their own beings and they should want to do it and if they don't we do it. Now I think...no way. You mess it, you clean it. If you don't, I can toss it or you can clean it. It is definitely a change but I feel, a needed one in our family.
I feel you. I am at that point too. I am the parent. What I ask of my children is not unreasonable: Clean up after yourself. Be respectful of your parents and each other.
My mantra: I AM IN CHARGE.
(And we homeschool too. I think it's a bit different when your kids are with you all day long.)
Honestly, I think these evolutions are about being a good parent to your particular child. We come to parenting with ideals about what kind of parent we want to be...and then we get a kid with their own personalities. When I hear a parent of a young child talk about GD as if they are going to always be the one who gets to drive the type of GD they use, I kind of shake my head and a, "BTDT" way.
I'm in an interesting place because I have an 11 year old who requires one sort of discipline and I also have a 1.5 year old who requires an totally different approach. It's kind of crazy town in our house sometimes. It's hard for me to meet both kid's needs sometimes.
My 11 year old really craves boundaries, consistency and routine - what she calls "strictness". It's really not my style, which is part of why she craves it. I know she also greatly prefers if I can provide that without yelling or being angry (who doesn't?) but given the choice, I think she would prefer frustrated strictness over permissivness or overly laborious, talk orientated consensual parenting.