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#31 of 38 Old 01-02-2013, 05:41 PM
 
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Him saying stuff like, "You hate me, everyone hates me" and "I bet you wish I was never born" makes me wonder if he feels his connection with you is hurt or not what it should be, and if that's leading to misbehavior. Sometimes getting back to basics, cutting back (or eliminating) stuff like TV and videogames, and spending time together connecting and doing things together can help. It's easy to get a bit disconnected when they get to an age where they sometimes get snotty, and we can get exasperated, which can make them act out even more, which can make us start to shut down a bit, and then that parent/child connection gets hurt.

I'm trying to think of ideas of things you and he could do together to get re-connected. The thing is to really work on changing how it feels - trying to speak in a positive way and get things rolling in the other direction. It won't start with him, as he's only 8. Maybe go to a museum with him, do a cooking project with him, and really try to relax about the specifics and focus on the big picture, and try to enjoy and cherish your time with him. He'll pick up on how you feel about him and it could help turn things around and make your interactions better.
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#32 of 38 Old 01-02-2013, 05:49 PM
 
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I HIGHLY recommend "How to Be a Hero to Your Kids" by Josh Mcdowell.  He is a Christian author, but if you aren't into that, ignore it and listen to what he has to say about building relationships with your children.  EXTREMELY HELPFUL!!!

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#33 of 38 Old 01-02-2013, 06:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by IdentityCrisisMama View Post

Read through this thread and get some of the books. There seems to be a lot going on in your life right now. You are not going to solve anything by lumping things together and shifting from one problem to the other. Spend some time reading and thinking about priorities. See if you can get into some therapy for you and your son. Best wishes. 

 

I agree that counseling is a really good idea. He seems to have some behaviors that are throwing up red flags for me. This seems like a larger issue than just compliance with homework and being overly dramatic - threatening self-harm, having to block him from the forks and knives... these are worrisome. A counselor can help you figure out what might be going on with him and advise some strategies.

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#34 of 38 Old 01-02-2013, 07:58 PM
 
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I don't have any advice other than what has already been posted. But I too worry about the self harm. Trying to strangle himself or cut himself with the veggie peeler isn't threatening, it's doing. All I can say is that this is not a reflection on you.
My sister was (is?) a cutter. Our parents are good parents & she really admits her cutting was not related to them. So please do not take that personally, but talk to someone about it.

Sent from my phone using Tapatalk, please ignore typos.

Loving mama to Aden (8/5/2010) and DSD (15).
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#35 of 38 Old 01-02-2013, 10:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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He is signed up to see a counselor which won't be until next month and he even has a guidance counselor who gets mixed stories about him as he don't even share the truth so then I'm like how will he share the truth with the other counselor to me I still think he was sexually abused by that other friend even tho he says he wasn't even tho that former friend made him and other kids do things but he claims no touching occured but I still believe it probably did occur with his former friend making him touch his private part and touching my son's private part.

 

I still believe if we ended up moving maybe his attitude would be better because dealing with the psycho neighbor it's something I can't even change not that I don't try even the cops can either.

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#36 of 38 Old 01-03-2013, 06:17 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Mom2Brendan View Post

He is signed up to see a counselor which won't be until next month and he even has a guidance counselor who gets mixed stories about him as he don't even share the truth so then I'm like how will he share the truth with the other counselor to me I still think he was sexually abused by that other friend even tho he says he wasn't even tho that former friend made him and other kids do things but he claims no touching occured but I still believe it probably did occur with his former friend making him touch his private part and touching my son's private part.

 

I still believe if we ended up moving maybe his attitude would be better because dealing with the psycho neighbor it's something I can't even change not that I don't try even the cops can either.

Call the counseling office and tell them that things have gotten considerably worse and your concerns have grown from worry over mood swings and homework issues to self-harm, defiant behaviors and possible sexual abuse. Tell them that you need to see a counselor now. If they can't see you, ask for a referral. Do not stop calling until you have found someone. There are a lot of things in your post that needed to be addressed as emergency situations when they first occurred. For the sake of your son you need to identify why things have been allowed to pile up like this and because they have gotten this bad, I think you need outside help for yourself as well.  Throw up a white flag and get some help today. 


Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
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#37 of 38 Old 01-04-2013, 11:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I did order a few books.

The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children
Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child : Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries
 
Even the Eight Year Old one that was Recommended
 
I should recieve all those on Tues.
 
 
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#38 of 38 Old 01-04-2013, 11:17 AM
 
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Good luck!

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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