Been reading the Book Explosive Child book - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 01-09-2013, 04:07 PM - Thread Starter
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Ever since I started reading this book it is helping me see that too much adults are dismissing children's feeling like respond it's not that big of deal ,ignored, or commented on in a bad way .


So, then I started to see the above with our supported living service worker. Well,I had to go the store and Brendan didn't want too.


She was demanding Brendan to Get Ready So We can Get Going as in Get Shoes on and your coat on.


I was trying to do the I know you don't want to go and leave your game. I also know your not feeling well so I will try to make the trip quick and I had plans to stop at Burger King afterwards.


He perked up at Burger King and got ready quickly.


Well,supposedly I took too long for Brendan at the store and our living service worker said it wasn't that long. Telling him he shouldn't make a big deal of it.. Then he goes Your Mean to her and then she starts talking saying that his opinion was rude.


 So then I started to think in a view as in wonder what they did if any talking ? Was he just sitting in the back while she was messing with her phone.


So if my son gets bored with sitting in cars along with making unexpected stops what would be things to not make him bored and annoyed.


What about going to restaurants that he don't want to be at that leads him into a sulking mode with head on table .


So how do you handle that behavior even when you try to talk to them but no response,then others say ignore,then others say don't act bad at the table.


I'm trying to think if I can find away to prevent sulking before the event but if not how should I approach it as the above gets repeated over and over because the problem/feeling there is not truly addressed there. All we know he is going out to places when he would more likely rather be at home.


Plus,he states homework is not fun and wishes we could use food as homework.


Plus,he doesn't like doing homework even after telling me things like I will do it when they are playing game together then it goes I will do it after they leave.


I even know I do the Do It Now ,Get to It for homework is competely ignored. I think I end up in plan C because I give up on trying to find a solution for Brendan's homework issues which is not good because it's not making him get it done at all.


Even when I try to do consequences he just goes above them and I know even if TV was away there would still be the other video games /toys that would distract him.


So, then the questions is what would make him focus on it because even when I try to find solution with him he tells me to Stop talking.

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#2 of 4 Old 01-10-2013, 07:09 AM
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It is important to read the latest editions of Ross Greene's books and keep up with his web site and radio programs - you can ask questions there too.


In the moment - very difficult to do cps , all we can do is let go or use Plan A - enforce our will which will likely lead to a meltdown


check out the Plan B cheat sheet , especially drilling down for concerns 


M - I have noticed homework is a strudggle - what's up 

K - I find it boring 

M - can you tell me more / tabling = if it was not boring would homework be no longer a problem ? /  is homework a struggle with all subjects , what homework is easy for you , what are you thinking when you are doing homework / is starting homework difficult / have a couple of tentative suggestions of possible problems - distractions, concentration problems, subject too difficult , don't understand , writing is hard for me etc


Plan B is messy , maybe if your therapist has read ' lost at school '  or seen the site she could help with the process 

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#3 of 4 Old 01-10-2013, 07:15 AM
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There will always be those who criticize. Try not to let that bother you. You've got the right idea!!
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#4 of 4 Old 01-10-2013, 12:19 PM - Thread Starter
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I agree that Plan A would end up in meltdown. Plan C doesn't really do anything.


I have noticed that Brendan wishes Homework was Food. He says Everyone likes food and it would make homework so much funner if it was food. Yep. Plan B is tricky and I will bring that information to her on Wed. to see if she can help me work it in a way that Brendan doesn't take as a criticizm,makes,him uncomfortable,something to find answer out. A way to help him.

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