Reward chart for 4 year old. - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 7 Old 01-20-2013, 07:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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There are some behaviors I'm wishing to modify in my 4 year old. He's really bad about coming into our room at night and sneaking in bed with us. I know if we are consistent with something , it will work because it has before but as we all know, as kids get older discipline techniques often need to be modified. I'd like to start a reward chart for him in an effort to help him stay in bed. What would be a good reward for that?? I'm sort of new to this whole consistency discipline thing. Seriously. My son was out of control for so long because DH and I just didn't follow through or really give him any consequences. Things are different now and we're working on becoming better parents. DH and I really need our own space at night!! I don't want to focus on the negatives though I want to figure out how to reward DS for staying in bed. We've discovered that our son is very smart and likes to push his boundaries, so being consistent and reliable is very important. What reward charts and rewards have you used?

DH(9/04) DS(12/08) and DD(5/11)

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#2 of 7 Old 01-21-2013, 04:43 PM
 
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My son (now 8 and in his own bed....lol) did the same thing.   I tried many rewards and charts, bribery...etc.  The only thing that worked was the birth of his little sister.   lol

 

My pedi suggested "parents bed coupons"  Let him color and decorate "coupons" for 15 mins of time in mom and dad's bed.  I thought what a great idea.  But the little smarty pants would leave it on the dresser and make himself a little bed on the floor instead of waking me and giving me the coupon. 

 

I also did charts with stickers.  One sticker for each night.   And if he got x amount of stickers he got to pick a prize from the prize bag.  Which was Happy meal toys, small trinkets (erasers, bubbles, sticker sheets.  etc).

 

I also offered him ice cream for breakfast on one occasion.  

 

I offered a trip to the $$ store where he could pick out anything he wanted!  (our at the time local dollar store, was actually a $1 store.  lol) 

 

I offered donuts.   McDonald's for lunch, frosty's, outings (zoo, park, pool), coloring books, movie rentals, later bed time,

 

Maybe some of those ideas will help you!


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#3 of 7 Old 01-21-2013, 05:38 PM
 
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I see a 4 y/o wanting to be close to his mother more as a need than a discipline issue. He's not being bad, sneaky or pushing boundaries. I would address his reasons for needing you at night, rather than imposing consequences or rewarding something he might not be able to do. Does he have nightmares? Is he afraid?

Check out this thread: http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1370013/do-you-allow-your-child-to-sleep-in-your-room-after-a-nightmare Some of the moms shared their experiences as children, and some were quite traumatic, I would say.
 


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#4 of 7 Old 01-21-2013, 06:46 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nightwish View Post

I see a 4 y/o wanting to be close to his mother more as a need than a discipline issue. He's not being bad, sneaky or pushing boundaries. I would address his reasons for needing you at night, rather than imposing consequences or rewarding something he might not be able to do. Does he have nightmares? Is he afraid?
Check out this thread: http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1370013/do-you-allow-your-child-to-sleep-in-your-room-after-a-nightmare Some of the moms shared their experiences as children, and some were quite traumatic, I would say.

I have to agree with this. And I don't remember much of my childhood, but I do remember my parents using a sticker book to try to get me to sleep in my own room. It didn't work, and it also made me feel really bad. I was terrified of sleeping in my own room, for multiple reasons. I would try to get at the root of the problem before coming up with a reward plan. No amount of ice cream and stickers and toys will be enough if he is scared and needs comforting. If this is the case & you really don't want him in your bed, I would find some other way to provide that nighttime comfort -- you go to his room, or cuddle up on the couch with him for a bit, or gentle music & a special stuffed toy, or something.

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#5 of 7 Old 01-25-2013, 08:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Since I posted this, we implemented a points system and it seems to be working really well. I don't tell him if you so this or don't do this you'll gain or lose x amount of points, but he can earn points based on chores and good behavior... He can lose them too but that's not the focus. Since I've turned the focus on rewarding the good things he's really stepped up and is starting to take initiative for chores and is beginning to learn empathy and all kinds of things I never though I'd see from him. I know that before we made some major discipline changes in the past few weeks, his reason for coming into our bed was that he wasn't getting enough attention and was really grasping for it. Lots of changes have been made and we are communicating better than ever. I have asked him why he comes in bed with us and he tells me because he loves me, but he's really starting to become more independent and is getting the attention he needs and the nightwakings have already become more infrequent. He had a small reward for staying in bed all night for three nights in a row and he's already on day 2. It's working. Thanks for the advice!

DH(9/04) DS(12/08) and DD(5/11)

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#6 of 7 Old 01-27-2013, 04:06 AM
 
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I am not a big one for reward charts as they don't deal with the underlying problem. Here are some guidelines 

 

make it easy to get points so we have a momentum effect 

don't take off points - kids get punished by not earning the reward in any case , just try to find an excuse to give a point for something to get the momentum going again 

give the kid a say about the point system , focus the talk on achieving the goal and its impact rather than on getting the points -  points are there to help him focus on getting the job done 

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#7 of 7 Old 01-27-2013, 07:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We talk about the goal.. I'm doing well with finding many reasons for points.. DH not so much. I am hoping after a few weeks of listening to how I talk to the kids and what types of behavior merits a point hell catch on. DH made great progress just in the past few weeks. I think it will just take longer than it did me since I'm with them all day and all he has is nights and weekends. But we're getting there. I can tell watching the interactions between DH and DS that DS tests him more than me. Not sure why. Any thoughts on this? DH and I are doing the exact same thing. The only difference is that DH isn't as good at seeing the good behavior or additude. I guess that will just take practice.

DH(9/04) DS(12/08) and DD(5/11)

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