What is a good book... - Mothering Forums
Gentle Discipline > What is a good book...
mrstovar's Avatar mrstovar 01:46 PM 02-27-2013

...about parenting without punishments and rewards (including artificial "consequences")? The book "how to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk" looks pretty good in a way, as does "project based homeschooling" but neither of them seemed quite like a parenting book. But maybe I misjudged. Sometimes it's a bit hard to discern on Amozon.com. Is there a name for this kind of parenting? My son is almost 32 months old and depending largely on me to learn the many thing he needs to know...

mamazee's Avatar mamazee 02:21 PM 02-27-2013

I would google Alfie Kohn. He has a book called Unconditional Parenting, which is just what you're looking far as far as being anti-behaviorist, but is not a hands-on how-to book. It's more about changing people's perspective than giving tools. But if you google his articles you might find something that is more useful to you.


I am unaware of books like How To Talk but specifically anti punishment and reward, but I hope people suggest some because I'll be checking them out. 

mrstovar's Avatar mrstovar 05:10 PM 02-27-2013

Thanks! I read your reply and have spent some time this PM browsing through his articles and reading a portion or Unconditional Parenting on Amazon. It's very much in line with the basics of how I want to parent. I had never looked at that book before. The title always was a major turnoff for me; it would have appealed much more to me if it was "Parents showing uncondional love to their children" or "Parents loving unconditionally as God loves" or something. Anyways, a good read, though not real specific, so not sure I want to buy it. I never thought of myself as antibehavioralist though.

mamazee's Avatar mamazee 06:05 AM 02-28-2013

I meant the book was anti-behaviorist, not you. I am a big fan of Alfie Kohn and I don't use punishment or rewards or other behavioral tools, but I'm not sure if I'd label myself anti-behaviorist either. Really it's more than I don't want to use behaviorism with the kids because I don't think it's the best way to get them to become self-motivated, not that I hate behaviorism.

mary934's Avatar mary934 05:20 AM 03-01-2013

Ak's Unconditional parenting is great and helps a lot with the why and the ' how '. Imho Ross Greene's cps - collaborative problem solving and Myrna Shure _ I can problem solve are invaluable 

mrstovar's Avatar mrstovar 07:51 PM 03-01-2013

Ella, I'd be very happy to get a hold of "Unconditrional Parenting" depending on the price, etc.  I'm not sure if it's OK to give my address on this thread or not, and I'm not sure how else to communicate with you...I know I could order it on Amozon too if I decided to.

Mary, thanks for the additional book suggestions, I will see if I can read parts of them on Amozon tomorrow.

Linda on the move's Avatar Linda on the move 09:31 PM 03-01-2013
Originally Posted by Ella-6 View Post

I've just started implementing ideas from the "How to Talk..." book with my 38 month old DS and a few of our communication gaps have been resolved already.

I really like their philosophy as its based on empathy and acknowledging your child's experience.


If you like that one, you might also like Liberated Parents, Liberated Children.



this is by the same authors but more philosophical in nature. It explains their journey as parents that lead to where they needed up. It's less popular than "how to talk" because it is meatier and less about prescriptions for problems. But I liked it more because it helped me shift my thinking by understanding it on a deeper level.