I screamed uncontrollably at my family :( - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 02-27-2013, 07:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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And I  think I caused PTSD in my young toddler :'(   

 

He use to talk so much and now he just points and grunts :'( He use to be able to say 4 syllabl words. 

 

I have no excuse for my action but I need to know what I can do to fix this?! 

 

I cant stop thinking about it, crying about it and telling myself that it can be fixed but I dont see how. Im sure there are very few other good mums that can say they have done it to this extreme so it might be difficult for anyone to help me. 

 

My babies father is pretty useless, causes me nothing but stress me. Im a stay at home mum that has no support, no relief.  Again, not making excuses and Id like to say just giving u a picture of my life but not to make it into an excuse. 

 

Does anyone have any advice and please, Im beating myself up enough about this i dont need to hear Im a horrible mother :'(

 

I am a good mum. Attentive. I play with my son and take him out to do things. I just snapped I guess.

 

Please, does anyone know what I can do to correct this?! To get my sons speech back?! :'(

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#2 of 6 Old 02-28-2013, 12:17 AM
 
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Are you kidding me? Are you saying that you lost your temper once and you think you caused PTSD in your toddler and caused him to stop talking? No. Just no. You are over reacting majorly.


It's complicated.
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#3 of 6 Old 02-28-2013, 06:44 AM
 
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Babies are resilient, mama. You can't cause PTSD by loosing your cool a couple of times. hug2.gif What I am concerned about is that perhaps there is some sort of regression going on that needs to be addressed. Don't let your guilt over yelling get in the way of your really evaluating that. Do you have a pediatrician you can talk to? However, more than likely your child is having a typical developmental spurt - at these times it is common for a child to regress slightly as they internalize the effort to make the next milestone. 

 

It does sound like you're stressed and need to get yourself some support so you can keep cool and maintain perspective. You say you're a stay at home mom? It sounds to me like your child is getting to be the age where it's stressful to care for him at home by yourself because he needs more stimulation than the home environment can provide. This is a perfect time to get out and join some groups, music classes, the park, parent events and etc. This will be good for your little one and invaluable to you as you begin to meet other parents. Eventually this can evolve into a childcare swap, mother's night out and all sorts of supportive things necessary to stay sane as a stay at home parent. 


Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
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#4 of 6 Old 02-28-2013, 07:07 AM
 
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Speech regression can be caused by a number of things, but you losing your temper and yelling once seems unlikely to be the cause. It sounds like there is conflict and maybe a lack of a relationship with the father? Whatever is going on there is more likely to be the cause than you yelling once, and even that doesn't seem all that likely to be the cause to me.

 

So I see three things here. First, if you're concerned about the speech, your local school district might very well have a resource that is paid by taxes and therefore won't require you to pay anything out of pocket. Call them and see if they have an early development program or something. That sounds like it would be worthwhile because SOMETHING has caused his speech to regress, though I'm quite sure it isn't you yelling at him once. But speech is something there are resources in most communities to solve. Call your local school district's administration office and see if they know of any speech resources for young children.

 

Second, you need some resources to make your life easier. Even just a playgroup might help you. Do you have transportation? I wonder if there is a way of finding out what playgroups there are in your area. Or maybe you could become a regular at the library's storytime. Sometimes being isolated can make stress feel a lot worse, and I'm getting the feeling you are dealing with some isolation? Maybe you can give us some ideas of what resources you have as far as transportation, time, whether there's money to get a mother's helper a few hours a week, that kind of thing and we can help you find ways to make your life a little easier.

 

And then finally, please don't beat yourself up. You lost your temper one time and yelled, but you haven't damaged him. Kids are more resilient than that. And you have obviously learned from this and can move forward at this point.

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#5 of 6 Old 02-28-2013, 07:52 AM
 
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Everyone has less than stellar mama days. One thing I do with my now 23 month old if I snap at her or break down and cry (which also upsets her) is once I've composed myself, I sit down at her level and explain "mommy felt very frustrated/sad/upset and yelled/cried, etc. You are upset/scared now. Mommy is sorry and she feels better now." or something like that. We then cuddle and she can see that it's ok to have strong feelings and we can feel much better soon after.
I don't usually yell because I picked up a good strategy from DH. When I'm close to losing it, I leave the room for a couple of minutes. By the time she finds me a minute later, the worst has washed over me and I'm usually able to reconnect with her.
I think as long as most of the time you are calm and nurturing, the occasional yelling shouldn't cause irreparable damage. I completely agree with the other mamas that getting out of the house will help you both a lot. We made good friends at the library, the local early years centre and the nearby park. The winter weather makes it hard to get out, as does the constant string of colds everyone is getting. I can't wait for the nice sprIng weather so we can walk everywhere. DD and I do so much better among people.
Please don't beat yourself up anymore. We have all made mistakes and aren't always the parents we wish to be. You haven't caused your son's regression. I agree to look into it to set your mind at ease or see how you can help him. It may turn out to be nothing but know that it's not your fault. hug.gif
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#6 of 6 Old 12-10-2013, 05:21 AM
 
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Check out "The Organge Rhino" blog about not yelling at your kids.  theorangerhino.com

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