DS is a runner - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 14 Old 04-23-2013, 06:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
thispathisme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 149
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I mean anytime we are out and about he is taking off running. I've strictly enforced that when we are on the sidewalk beside a busy street or crossing a street or in a parking lot he must hold my hand. But if we go walking on trails or at the park or are not on a busy street he's running. He almost never obeys when I ask him to stop or slow down. DD is usually in my carrier so it's not easy for me to keep up beside him because I don't want her head bobbing all over the place.

It can be a dangerous situation if he's approaching a ledge which may be a small hill or a cliff. I can't see if I'm back far enough. Or if there's a puddle that might just go up to his knees and I need him to stop, wait for me and go around. So I find myself yelling STOP or wait for me and then getting really angry if he does wade through that puddle that went up to his knees. And it ruins the outing.

DS is almost 3. How should I deal with this problem?
thispathisme is offline  
#2 of 14 Old 04-23-2013, 09:02 PM
 
One_Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 4,735
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 35 Post(s)
I suggest putting him in a stroller before the next outing. Get an umbrella one so it is light and keep him in it. If you aren't willing to do that then get a kid leash or make him hold your hand. It may also be very effective to end the outing immediately if he runs off. You may have to walk back to the car and put your youngest one in the car first so park where that is possible if you can. I talked to my DD ahead of time about expectations at the park and we left if she was "too tired to listen ".
One_Girl is online now  
#3 of 14 Old 04-24-2013, 08:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
thispathisme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 149
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have left many times after he's refused to listen. But it doesn't seem to deter him the next time. He thinks it's a game and I. Not able to make him understand the severity of not listening in those circumstances.

I do have several strollers but when we're out on a daily basis, the point is for him to have that freedom to run around. I don't want to take that away from him. I need tips or advice on how to make sure he knows stop means stop and wait for me means stop and so on.

The other issue is I get pretty angry when the outing ends in him running through a huge puddle or not listening when I've told him to stop and I need other ways of dealing with him not listening. Being so angry is not how I want to react.

I like saying, "too tired to listen" or something to that effect and will do that in the future so that it's something he can grow to understand and realize the consequence of us leaving an outing was because he did not listen.
thispathisme is offline  
#4 of 14 Old 04-24-2013, 08:11 AM
 
mamazee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: US midwest
Posts: 7,500
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Some kids that age do run off without thinking. One of mine did. It was very frustrating. But it's an issue of impulse control and I think something they have to grow out of rather than something they can be taught (at least before they're old enough where they've grown out of it anyway.) If you know he runs, I'd try to control the running, with a stroller or leash (yes, a leash!) if need be. If he can't handle the freedom to run around without something to keep him safe yet, he just can't.

You can try to play "red light green light" games (where you run when you say green light and stop when you say red light) or the freeze dance (where you dance but then freeze when the music stops) at other times to help him learn to pay attention and control his impulses, but my guess is that he'll have an easier time with games than with controlling his impulses. It's like a puppy dog who doesn't know to not chase something it sees. They see what they want to chase and can't think of anything else or help but run after it.
mamazee is offline  
#5 of 14 Old 04-24-2013, 08:18 AM
 
sarafi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 468
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post


You can try to play "red light green light" games (where you run when you say green light and stop when you say red light) or the freeze dance (where you dance but then freeze when the music stops) at other times to help him learn to pay attention and control his impulses, but my guess is that he'll have an easier time with games than with controlling his impulses. It's like a puppy dog who doesn't know to not chase something it sees. They see what they want to chase and can't think of anything else or help but run after it.

OMG yes, Red, Light Green light! Practice it in the house, yard, anywhere contained until they get it. Maybe even give a prize (treat) to really cement it. Yes, it's a bit like training a puppy--but at that age kids are so fast and it's really a safety issue.  We used "purple light" also and it was a crazy dancing fest, and he got candy. Stopped my runner in his tracks, and we did a lot of traffic/trails/dog encounters also.

sarafi is offline  
#6 of 14 Old 04-24-2013, 11:29 AM
 
lilitchka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 225
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

ds1 used to do that too.

I was also very angry.

I wouldn't mind if he gets durty or wet, but I am affraid of the cars etc.

he used to never lissten when I say stop and he is running to teh street.

It is something to do with impulse.....because he would listen to me in other situations.

 

So, how his behavior changed?

one day, we where in the park and he decided to run to cross a street (it wasn't the first time). This time, a car was coming pretty fast, and if he wouldn't have stopped, it would have hit him. When I saw the car coming, I yelled....but it was different. My yelling was not the same as usual. I was do scared.

and he stopped right away. 

he stops since that incident when I say stop.

he waits for me to cross the street with me.

but it developped in him a fear of the road and cars.

I didn,t like that neither.

he didn't undrestand that he should listen to me....he just got so scared of the streets. even when I cross the street alone, he is afraid for me.

It wasn't healthy!

now, it is going back to a more normal relationship with the street/traffic etc.

 

I think there is no magic. They just need to mature, grow, loose a bit of their impulsive behavior.

meanwhile, we have to decide what we are going to sacrifice in order to keep them safe (not go to certain areas, accept to use a stroller frequently or a leash etc)

lilitchka is offline  
#7 of 14 Old 04-24-2013, 12:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
thispathisme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 149
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Green light red light is a great idea. I'm going to start it now with DS indoors. I hope it works. I'm also prepared to resign myself to the idea that DS won't get the freedom I'd like to give him until he's able to understand better that he needs to listen in certain situations.

I'm trying to let go of being upset about mud or wetness and just go with the flow. When it's cold out it does mean we have to go home if he gets super wet.

I'm not opposed to leashes (though I totally was before I had kids) but I feel like instead of DS pulling on my hand and trying to get away from me he would be pulling on the leash and possibly hurting himself that way. And a stroller won't do on some of the trails we frequent. He's just got a mind or his own that kid.

There was one time that I yelled stop with urgency as DS was getting close to the street and I wasn't close enough to him. He stopped that time real quick. Thank goodness.
thispathisme is offline  
#8 of 14 Old 04-24-2013, 06:23 PM
 
sassyfirechick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,526
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 13 Post(s)

Red light/green light is great for teaching stop go - leashes on the other hand, well they teach the opposite of impulse control.  The only reason they can't run away is the leash, so the second they get free, they take off even more crazy.  It's very much like training a dog to work off leash - doesn't happen overnight, and you have to make it easy for them to win.  Thus the game factor of stoplight is great bc you control the game, the potential for reward, etc.  My 17mo DD is pretty willful and seees holding my hand as a control issue.  So for us, I let her walk on tthe sidewalk with me, never on the street side, and she has to remain a certain distance.  I call her back to me once or ask her to wait - if she doesn't I go to her and our walk is done.  She gets carried back (typically this occurs out on the sidewalk in front of our house or within a short distnce from the house), might be kicking and sceaming, but she needs to know that running in the road does not get a second chance.  Anywhere you can have a stroller, let him know that failure to listen will mean he goes in the stroller and looses walking priviledges.  If you have to repeat yourself, he goes right in, otherwise he will continue the "game" of running and testing you to see at what point you become serious.  Once he realizes that you consistenly mean business at the first request, the impulse control will follow - and make sure you recognize and praise him for it!

sassyfirechick is online now  
#9 of 14 Old 04-24-2013, 06:56 PM
 
The4OfUs's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 5,102
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'll just throw out there that some kids this age (ahem!  My daughter!  ahem!), at this age, simply don't have the impulse control, even with leaving places, even with being put in strollers, etc.  Sometimes they're just not capable of stopping themselves, *even if* they "know better", or hear you say it, or have been told a dozen times before to not do it.  And really, they're still so little at not even 3 years old.  Now, at nearly 7, my daughter can stop herself if I tell her to stop running because we're getting to a place where it's not safe, or remind her to not go in a puddle because we have to go somewhere and be not-muddy.  At 5, she was pretty good, too.  But at 3?  Or not even 3?  Not a chance.  Not with all the games, strollers, or leaving places in the world.  She just wasn't there.  Most kids are, some kids aren't.  Sooo, we used a leash a handful of times.  And went to places where she would be contained (playground with fence, indoor play place, etc) - and I had her hand in mine, or was carrying her before we got near the door to anywhere or from anywhere, and before her feet hit the pavement when getting out of the car.Every.Time.  Even going out the back door of our house, I had her hand in mine as I was opening the back door, keys in hand, so I could lock it and still have a grip on her.  Bolters with low impulse control are a breed of their own.  

 

To this day, she is still a runner, and I have to remind her nearly every time we are crossing a street or parking lot, or in a store, or on a sidewalk, to WALK.  She runs/skips/bounces/gallops EVERYWHERE.  The good news is she listens MUCH better now.


Heather, WAHM to DS (01/04)DD (06/06). Wed to DH(09/97)
The4OfUs is offline  
#10 of 14 Old 04-24-2013, 07:32 PM
 
mamazee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: US midwest
Posts: 7,500
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I don't think leashes are intended to teach anything. They're just safety devices. And in my experience, this is not something kids generally have to be taught. Toddlers often have trouble not running off, but older kids seldom do, regardless of how you handle it. It is one of those parenting stages that is annoying but thankfully temporary.

Red light/green light might help or might not. I think it depends on the kid. I wouldn't consider it a failing on the kid or the game if it doesn't lead them to stop when you tell them to stop. Some kids are just so focused on what they see and want to get at that they can't break away from that. Impulse control comes with maturity.
One_Girl likes this.
mamazee is offline  
#11 of 14 Old 04-24-2013, 08:46 PM
 
kblackstone444's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 3,838
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

I like the "Red Light, Green Light" idea, and I've been working on "Freeze, Unfreeze" with my son recently, as well, but I'm actually reconsidering my anti-kidleash views at the moment.  My son is a two-year-old runner, but I've always been able to get him to stop and come back with telling him if he can't stay with me, he will have to sit in the stroller... until two days ago.  We had an appointment, and he'd been antsy, but somewhat still during the appointment, so I thought I'd let him walk part of the way home while I pushed the stroller.  We were walking down the main road in our town, a four lane highway and we were on the part of the sidewalk closest to the stores, window shopping.  It's the main road in the center of town, so the sidewalks are about 10 feet wide and we were walking on farthest side from the road.  I was literally less than arm's length from him, and suddenly, out of the blue, he darts underneath my arms in between me and the stroller and bolts towards the road.  I literally reacted instantly, and we weren't even that close to the road, but even at a full run, I still didn't manage to grab him until he had actually stepped INTO the road, in between two parked cars.  I never thought any child that young could be so fast or so sudden in his impulses!  We've been wearing lighter jackets with no hoods, since it's been pretty warm lately, but that particular day, it was pretty cold out, so I'd put him in his winter coat with the hood.  I grabbed him by his hood to stop him from running into traffic- it he had not had a hood on the back of his jacket, I would not have been able to reach him in time.  I'm somewhat hypervilligent of my son's intentions, because he is somewhat impulsive, but I was unable to foresee his actually dodging past me and darting into the road.  I'm pretty fast for someone my age, especially when the adrenalin kicks in, but I almost wasn't fast enough.  I asked my son afterwards (he's very intelligent and very verbal) why he ran in the road, and he told me, "I don't know, Mom-Mom."  I asked him if he saw something he liked or something he wanted, and he told me, "No, I just run, Mom-Mom."  I asked him if he knew the cars were moving and that they could hit him and hurt him, and he said, "No, I just run, Mom-Mom."  Some kids just don't have the impulse control yet, no matter how many reminders you give them or how fun you make the game.  Apparently, my son, included.  I would rather leash my kid than experience a scare (or worse) like that again.  greensad.gif 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post

I don't think leashes are intended to teach anything. They're just safety devices. And in my experience, this is not something kids generally have to be taught. Toddlers often have trouble not running off, but older kids seldom do, regardless of how you handle it. It is one of those parenting stages that is annoying but thankfully temporary.

Red light/green light might help or might not. I think it depends on the kid. I wouldn't consider it a failing on the kid or the game if it doesn't lead them to stop when you tell them to stop. Some kids are just so focused on what they see and want to get at that they can't break away from that. Impulse control comes with maturity.
One_Girl likes this.

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
kblackstone444 is online now  
#12 of 14 Old 05-01-2013, 12:27 PM
 
mama amie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 477
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I can't say whether this would work for your situation, but this is something I have been doing for my own little runners. We have been making regular trips to a local park with a huge open field used for soccer and dogs. I take both kids there so they can be free to run quite far off from me without much danger of anything but occasional dog poo. I try to stop here before running errands or other less exciting events. This gives them the benefit of feeling free and burning some energy. Once they are both showing signs of calm (spending more time being still), then I know we can proceed to the rest of our day's agenda. It isn't as convenient as playing at the nearby playgrounds, but the results are far more pleasing.
mama amie is offline  
#13 of 14 Old 05-02-2013, 03:07 PM
 
superstorm05's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I LOVE DS's harness. BEST PURCHASE EVER! I don't know what the big debate is over kid harness's, I haven't read into. I just go with what works for us. Its brilliant, because he has the freedom he wants, but he is always safe. I personally think its offensive calling it a leash. Its by no means a leash, its not around his neck and he is not an animal, he is my baby boy who I want to keep safe.  There are times, I tuck in his 'tail' when its safe for him to run free. My kid is an explorer and a runner, but I don't ever have a problem with him trying to get away from me. It may not be your first option, but the difference is, and I don't mean this to be rude in any way at all, but we can enjoy our walks, and it sounds like your isn't very enjoyable. Harness's are fairly cheap, and they can be cute. My sons is a monkey backpack, and he loves to put the monkey on. My DS is 2. Hope this helps.

superstorm05 is offline  
#14 of 14 Old 05-03-2013, 11:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
thispathisme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 149
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I meant to report back and got sidetracked. We've been having quite a but of success with red light green light. Thanks to all who made that suggestion. I'm keeping the other ideas in mind in case the novelty wears off. I'm hoping when it does he's grown up a little and is more aware of the whys when I tell him to too.

I've loosened up about the wet and dirty shoes. It's easier to let it slide now that it's finally warm out and I don't fear his feet freezing if they get wet.

Thanks again for all of the comments.
thispathisme is offline  
Reply

Tags
Toddlers , Gentle Discipline

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off