Auugh! 4yo DS has been a nightmare! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 6 Old 06-20-2013, 09:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh please, help.  I love all my children with all my heart.  I try my best to be patient, loving, calm. I don't want to spank, or yell, or use time out; I know these methods all have their negative effects. I want to be the wonderful mom who can peacefully parent her children through tough times, and come out the other side with everyone happy and well-adjusted.  HA!

 

My 4yo DS has been pushing me constantly to the point of "mommy meltdown" - where I totally lose it.  He's been demanding, yelling, bullying, spitting, punching, clawing, freaking out with screaming kicking meltdowns, saying he hates me (when all I tried to do was bathe him, or give him water, or hug him). 

 

I can't figure out what his deal is, or why he has so much anger.  The boys and I are celiac, intolerant to dairy, soy, corn, and salicylates...DD is dairy & salicylates.  The sals are the only one we've been letting slide, but keeping all the kids away from them entirely is near impossible.  His meltdowns are definitely better on the diet, but that's only one piece of the puzzle.  It seems to have gotten worse since he broke his arm and had to have surgery last November...our naturopath thinks his GABA receptors are freaked out from the trauma or something, suggested GABA supplements, to no avail. 

 

Nothing seems to work with him.  DH says I baby him too much and "kiss his butt" when I try to understand what is setting him off and deal with it patiently, instead of just a firm reprimand.  It seems like he's craving connection, but he gets a ton of positive attention, and if I try to hug him when he's nearing a meltdown he completely freaks out. Time-outs don't work in the long term, neither does any other form of discipline..."gentle" methods, "positive parenting", authoritarian was the worst...we've tried everything we can think of. 

 

Now his 2yo sister is picking up on his behavior. Combine this with 7yo DS, aka Mr. Smart-@$$, and I am ready to hide in a closet for fear I'll lose it with them all...I'm picturing Mommy Dearest.  I don't want to play mommy anymore!!!  hide.gif  I feel like a total failure of a mother, and I can't figure out what to do differently. Sigh.


Mostly SAH mama bf.jpg with DS1, 8yo blahblah.gif  DS2, 5yobouncy.gif   DD1, 3yoenergy.gif& my awesome DH surf.gif  Waiting for DD2, due Aug 2014!  stork-girl.gif 
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#2 of 6 Old 06-20-2013, 08:03 PM
 
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I hope you find the answers you need. Sorry I am not much help.

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#3 of 6 Old 06-20-2013, 08:50 PM
 
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I wish i could give you a big hug hug.gif Having to deal with your son's behavior day in and day out must be extremely taxing. I'm no expert but what came to mind first was craniosacral therapy. You've covered the tracks when it comes to diet and discipline so the anger is probably due to trauma, like you mentioned. Craniosacral therapy is excellent for clearing the body of the effects of trauma, whether its from surgery, chemo, abuse, car accident, whatever the source, it will help. I have only had a few sessions and the first one completely relieved me of the chronic neck pain i had been having for over 20 years!! If thats not amazing considering it was one hour of work that only required a very small amount of pressure on different points of the body then i dont know what is. The next session i had was a few years later and my body was having a physical reaction unlike anything i've ever experienced--it felt like i was re-living at an incredibly fast rate (i'm talking lightning speed) the trauma from being sexually abused. So i wasnt technically re-living it, but its as if my cells were cycling through it all in order to release the trauma. Very amazing, i was in awe, still am.

I'm telling you these stories in order for you to understand craniosacral's potential, especially for those who've experienced trauma of some sort or another. It has been done on babies many many times so its totally safe for kids, its about as gentle and non-invasive as you can get smile.gif Here is a link if you'd like more information: http://craniohealing.com/healing-trauma-with-craniosacral-therapy/
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#4 of 6 Old 06-20-2013, 10:22 PM
 
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I'm sorry mama,I have no advice but just wanted to give you a hug and I hope things mellow out soon. It is no fun having a mommy meltdown. Sorry things are hard right now.

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#5 of 6 Old 06-21-2013, 01:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone for your support and good thoughts! Guess I just needed to vent and hear from like-minded mamas, it gets so frustrating and stressful.

 

PrimordialMind: Thanks for the reminder on cranio-sacral!  We had great success with it when my oldest DS was a baby, and it just hasn't occurred to me for DS2.  (see this post for the whole story: http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1383035/acog-admits-pitocin-may-be-more-harmful-to-newborns-than-once-thought#post_17351693 )

 

I can try doing it for him while he's sleeping - our wonderful therapist taught me how to do it, which was the most amazing thing in the world! Maybe I can try some chakra work at the same time, he just won't hold still long enough when he's awake. It's got to help, certainly can't hurt!  winky.gif  Thanks again...


Mostly SAH mama bf.jpg with DS1, 8yo blahblah.gif  DS2, 5yobouncy.gif   DD1, 3yoenergy.gif& my awesome DH surf.gif  Waiting for DD2, due Aug 2014!  stork-girl.gif 
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#6 of 6 Old 06-21-2013, 03:45 PM
 
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Oh good, i'm glad i gave you a helpful reminder! Let us know if it helps your little boy smile.gif Chakra work or some reiki would be wonderful, too.
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