3yo rough with me and new baby - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 3 Old 06-22-2013, 02:23 PM - Thread Starter
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so I'm tired and can't think of a better way to react.

I have a 3.5 yo and a 3 week old.

My 3yo is occasionally rough with me (he may kick me or jump on me or squeeze my breast etc)

a few times now he has squeezed babes arm.

It's still mellow, but makes me nervous. I know it's because he is excited and can't control his reaction.

So what can I say/do to get him to understand that he needs to be gentle?

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#2 of 3 Old 06-24-2013, 03:40 AM
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This was my situation exactly.... Except my eldest was only just over two when her baby brother came home so it was a bit harder to explain to her being so young. Still, i never like to underestimate their power of understanding or at a minimum I like to talk to them like they understand so that my message is consistent and once they DO understand it clicks in...

I just held her hand firm and looked her in the eye and said "You must be gentle with your baby brother, he is very little and needs lots of love to grow big and strong. Let's give him a little kiss!" and then make an exaggerated kissy noise and lean in to kiss the spot that was previously squeezed. I also tried to play up the big sister idea and that she had a role to play in this baby's life and could help soothe him by singing when he cries, getting diapers when he's pooped, etc.

The biggest thing I had to do, and still struggle to make sure it is done, is making sure I spend focused one on one time with her only. She definitely had a jealous streak when he arrived and I needed (and still need) to make sure she is feeling confident about her place in the family. When we have had enough time, she is awesome and loving. When I haven't spent enough time, she starts being a bit more rough and mimicking his baby ways for attention.

Hope that helps! I remember feeling like you do now...It is distressing to see them act roughly towards a fragile newborn!

Good luck!
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#3 of 3 Old 06-29-2013, 10:10 AM
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We are in the same boat with my 3 yo adjusting to his 6 week old brother. He was great at first but I'm seeing signs of pinching or hitting.its mostly when he's tired or feeling like I'm not giving him enough attention. I tell him its not ok to hit a baby, you must be gentle. I've also explained how their bones are soft and so we need to be extra gentle with them so as to not hurt them. My son seems to get logical answers like this. I've also after the fact talked with him about the feelings he must be feeling about being a big brother now - needing to share me/us, how hard it must be, it's ok to feel like tha sometimes, etc. I ask him if that's how he feels and he's said yes. Has it stopped? Not yet, but it only started this week. So I'm hoping it will pass, with no serious injuries. It's awful to see though, and you hate the thought of your little one being harmed. I'm Also seeing lots more hitting and spitting aimed at me. It's draining some days. Here's hoping this will all pass as they adjust to their new lives.
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married to DH, mother to two amazing little boys born May 18/2010 and May 20/2013!

Infertility has been part of this journey - no more littles for us, but so grateful we have two happy healthy boys and we can now begin to heal from that experience

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