With in laws all week!!! Agh!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 07-03-2013, 06:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My brother-in-law and sister-in-law are not exactly into gentle discipline and spank, and constantly are yelling at their kids. We are spending the week with them on vacation right now and they are driving me crazy. How do I explain the way they deal with their kids to my son? My husband yells more when he's around them but he is also constantly trying to be more peaceful,so it's still a work in progress for him too. The way they talk to their kids makes me sad for them. They have a 6 and 3 year old and a 5 month old. I don't think their marriage is very healthy and my SIL doesn't get very much help from her husband. I often wonder what she even sees in him since he pretty much takes, takes and takes and never gives anything. she doesn't give herself enough time to sleep at night and is short and angry at her children all the time it seems. I'm having a hard time watching it but were with them until Saturday! What can I do? Just be a good example?

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#2 of 7 Old 07-03-2013, 06:45 PM
 
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Yep, the last sentence. Lead by example. That sounds awful!!! Ugh.

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#3 of 7 Old 07-05-2013, 04:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ugh. My BIL is a douche. His 3 year old came downstairs with a pull up on and I smelled poop. I told him she had a poopy pull up and he told her to see mommy! His wife was upstairs with their 5 month old and a she had a stomach ache. Dude, really? I told him that I was letting him know because his wife was upstairs not feeling well, and thought he would do it. He was like, "I don't need you telling me what to do!" Wow. I can't wait for this trip to be over.

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#4 of 7 Old 07-05-2013, 06:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MrsBone View Post

Ugh. My BIL is a douche. His 3 year old came downstairs with a pull up on and I smelled poop. I told him she had a poopy pull up and he told her to see mommy! His wife was upstairs with their 5 month old and a she had a stomach ache. Dude, really? I told him that I was letting him know because his wife was upstairs not feeling well, and thought he would do it. He was like, "I don't need you telling me what to do!" Wow. I can't wait for this trip to be over.

Ugh. What a jacka**!!!

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#5 of 7 Old 07-05-2013, 06:54 PM
 
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I can relate. We visited some relatives recently who have a 3 year old daughter. They live on a mountain, practically in the woods where there are wild animals. They were telling us how the little girl wondered off into the woods when she was 2. She got a spanking and never did it again. It was very had not to say "Or you could supervise your child and not expect a 2 year old to understand a potentially dangerous situation."

The good thing that came out of it was that when we left DH told me how glad he was that no one would ever put a hand on DS. It really made him realize why it's so important to me to use gentle parenting methods.

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#6 of 7 Old 07-05-2013, 07:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Haven't said a word to him all night and probably won't again unless I have too. Plus, he is being short with my kids too, and all this negativity is rubbing off on my husband too and he's sort of being grumpy and short along with them. I'm out of positive energy and just want to go home. Good thing we're leaving in the morning!

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#7 of 7 Old 07-05-2013, 08:40 PM
 
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Ha.  We just got back from a one night/two day beach trip with friends who are just brutal in their parenting "techniques", thus I can't tolerate anything more than one night.  The mom spanked and then put her not yet 3yo in a time out (after yelling at her and saying "mickey does NOT want to see you!" in reference to an upcoming Disney trip) all because she pooped in her pants.  Then she left her to scream and cry in a bedroom for over 30mins saying she wasn't coming out until she stopped.  It took everything in me to not go in there and hold my goddaughter and apologize for her mother being such a beast.  My own LO was a bit on edge listening to the cries.  I got plenty of nasty looks and condescending glares when DD (20mos) finally showed off a tantrum this morning for them after a night of poor sleep.  I let her do her flailing that she does, got down on her level and talked nicely asking if she was ready to walk upstairs with me, picked her up once she stopped kicking (to prevent the inevitable bite that comes with kicking) and rocked her as she laid her head on my shoulder.  I was told by the other mom I should "bite her back - hard" next time she bites bc that's how she 'handled' the problem.  DD swung a beach pail and hit the goddaughter, lightly enough that she didnt' even flinch, but I saw it, immediately got down to DD and asked her to apologize and explained how she gave someone a booboo and it wasn't a nice thing to do - guranteed the other mom would have whopped her child into next Tuesday had it been the other way around.  I don't like DD to see it, but we don't see them all that often and the 2nd oldest of their 4 is always asking to come with us if we're carpooling to an event or dinner which makes me happy knowing she wants to get away from the chaos and appreciates our calm approach and I can only hope that our influence is enough.

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