I need help with my daughter she goes back and foruth to my house to her dads house and she not the only child her step mom just had a baby Arianna just rencetly started hitting again like tonite she hit her sister and left a mark rite above her eye and my boyfriend is mad cause it was are daughter she hit and then he broke her binky I already took care of it but he is so pissed about it that he mad at me I am doning all I can with Arianna not hitting. I don't know what else to do he mad cause she hit my other daughter rite above the eye I am so out of options I don't know what to do and it has me and him fight cause he don't understand she just a kid. so I need advice on what to do with her I am out of options and I am tierd of fight ing with him about what she did
I think your child needs the support of all the adults involved - you , stepmom and your ex.
Not the trying to ' motivate her' to behave but trying to solve the underlying problem. Hitting is a behavior - you want to solve the problem giving rise to the hitting. A new baby could be something that we can add to the mix but we can do little about it and she is not hitting the baby all the time . So we should try and get a good picture , detailed as possible about the conditions which give rise to this behavior . we also need info from your kid about her concerns and we can only get info when she feels safe with those around her , she feels not blamed , but understood and caregivers are trying to address her needs. Once we have a good idea about her concerns , we can share our concerns with her and then define the problem , then brain storm mutually satisfying solutions.
A discussion with your ex and step mom ( seperately ) would use the same process . First listen to them - hear their concerns - not solutions , share your concerns etc
How we view kids is important - children do well if they can ! - here we look for ways to ' work with the kid' to help her acquire lagging skills and address her concerns
children do well if they want to - here we ' do to kids ' to make them wanna behave = rewards , punishments etc
We also may need to provide an environment which is user friendly to both kids
I have described the cps - collaborative problem solving approach - Ross Greene - check out his livesinthebalance site especially Plan B - drilling down for info
it is not easy , there is no magic bullet