I like all the above for it's simplicity. It's amazing how you talk and talk and argue and argue with your kid and you don't even realise you're doing it. Not engaging is the hardest thing to even attempt trying it seems!
I have a question though - Does Dr. Jim have any equally simple advice for when you want the child to do something and they won't. (Have a bath, put on pj's etc). They tantrum about it....then.....??
Wow. Still not sure how I'm going survive my LO being 3 to 4.
I know this post is a little old, but I have a son who's the same age. He's not toooo bad, but I've actually taught him the word "defiant" and when he starts acting up I'll ask him if he's being defiant. Thankfully it's still something he doesn't want to be, so he'll usually stop. I did read the book by Louise Bates Ames, but personally I didn't like it very much. She does seem to endorse just spending as little time as possible with your 3 and a half year old so they don't drive you insane and promotes putting your kid in front of the TV to get them out of your hair. Maybe it's practical, but not exactly what I want to hear as a "best solution". My favorite book is Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting by Laura Markham (http://researchparent.com/peaceful-parent-happy-kids-how-to-stop-yelling-and-start-connecting/). It's based around three principles which in my mind are basically 1) don't lose it when your kid loses it, 2) remember that deep down you love them, and 3) think of your parenting job as coach, not enforcer. She has a whole section on how to go without yelling, which I found very useful. I still yell, but now there will be a few days in between which is an improvement. Really, I just find the book calming to read and good for my sanity.
Now that I'm done the book, I would agree with you. I think the book is perfect for validation that it really is a tough age. I needed to hear it. I felt like I was doing something wrong. In terms of practical suggestions, it's not a good book for me.
I will check out the book you mentioned, too.
Not too late to post at all. Nothing's changed around here. Thanks for the book recommendations, I'll look into them.
I think the reality is that I just have to grit my teeth and hope we get through this age without causing too much psychological damage. To hell with enjoying it, if I don't permanently scar her I'll consider it a success.
Oh, how I understand you.
Thanks for letting me hop onto your thread.