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#31 of 34 Old 10-28-2013, 08:41 PM
 
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I like all the above for it's simplicity. It's amazing how you talk and talk and argue and argue with your kid and you don't even realise you're doing it. Not engaging is the hardest thing to even attempt trying it seems!

 

I have a question though - Does Dr. Jim have any equally simple advice for when you want the child to do something and they won't. (Have a bath, put on pj's etc). They tantrum about it....then.....??

 

Wow. Still not sure how I'm going survive my LO being 3 to 4. 

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#32 of 34 Old 10-28-2013, 11:56 PM
 
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His other thing is just stay ON task - you say it once (not twice!) like cheerily announce "time for your bath" - then don't even wait, go right in and start undressing them for bath, filling up tub etc. And totally ignore protests and crying etc- you can still hear if they need to poop in potty etc ... They soon realize that you say what you mean and mean what you say. I used to do a 1-2-3 then without a word i picked her up and carry my LO up the stairs in a "not nice way" I call it or whatever needs to get done. Usually these days she is just tired and the best thing is to get her to sleep fast anyway no matter what. If he refuses to eat dinner (within reason) I would not offer favorite stuff later on. Depending on age, like my 7 yo gets nothing of he refuses to eat dinner (happened once or twice recently).

Liora, Frum Jew In Beijing, Mom of Three (one "Almost Autistic" healed in 3 years with biomed and one amazing girl with Down syndrome using Targeted Nutritional Intervention (TNI)
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#33 of 34 Old 11-01-2013, 07:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by researchparent View Post
 

I know this post is a little old, but I have a son who's the same age. He's not toooo bad, but I've actually taught him the word "defiant" and when he starts acting up I'll ask him if he's being defiant. Thankfully it's still something he doesn't want to be, so he'll usually stop. I did read the book by Louise Bates Ames, but personally I didn't like it very much. She does seem to endorse just spending as little time as possible with your 3 and a half year old so they don't drive you insane and promotes putting your kid in front of the TV to get them out of your hair. Maybe it's practical, but not exactly what I want to hear as a "best solution". My favorite book is Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting by Laura Markham (http://researchparent.com/peaceful-parent-happy-kids-how-to-stop-yelling-and-start-connecting/). It's based around three principles which in my mind are basically 1) don't lose it when your kid loses it, 2) remember that deep down you love them, and 3) think of your parenting job as coach, not enforcer. She has a whole section on how to go without yelling, which I found very useful. I still yell, but now there will be a few days in between which is an improvement. Really, I just find the book calming to read and good for my sanity.

 

Now that I'm done the book, I would agree with you.  I think the book is perfect for validation that it really is a tough age.  I needed to hear it.  I felt like I was doing something wrong.  In terms of practical suggestions, it's not a good book for me.

 

I will check out the book you mentioned, too.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by katelove View Post

Not too late to post at all. Nothing's changed around here. Thanks for the book recommendations, I'll look into them.

I think the reality is that I just have to grit my teeth and hope we get through this age without causing too much psychological damage. To hell with enjoying it, if I don't permanently scar her I'll consider it a success.

 

Oh, how I understand you.

 

Thanks for letting me hop onto your thread.  ;)

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#34 of 34 Old 11-06-2013, 01:00 AM
 
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Has anyone heard of The Incredible Years by Carolyn Webbster-Stratton? I am interested in what others think compared to other methods. I don't know much about it muyself, but some have recommended the class to me.
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