Can I get some quick help/advice re: mommy tantrums? - Mothering Forums

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Old 10-09-2013, 01:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't have time to search for appropriate threads but I need help, fast.  I am pregnant with my third and having some issues with both of my kids.  My issue with my oldest (who is 4) is that she almost never does something the first time I ask her and being mean, sticking her tongue out, yelling names at me, usually made up but meant to upset me and spitting. Today I asked her to do something and she then laid back on the floor and was trying to hit and kick.  It just infuriated me; I am 28 weeks along now and pretty big, and so I grabbed hers arms and yelled into her face for her to stop.  She laughed at me and did it again so I grabbed her arm and marched her into my room where I threw her on the bed, not before raising my hand to hit her.  I stopped just short but continued to yell at her.  I have no question that my anger is playing into all of this, a vicious cycle, but really am at a loss as to where this extremely negative behaviour is coming from.  We don't hit, spank, or yell (other than these specific times I am talking about, which are generally months apart).  I am losing it, feeling so low and awful as a parent and am tired of telling myself and her that it won't happen again.  I feel like there are all these mars on our relationship; it feels broken and unattached a lot.  My issue with my youngest is that we are having such a hard time getting her to sleep at night so basically she's up with me at 7:15 and doesn't go down until 8:30-9, if then, with a short nap of about an hour.  The oldest doesn't nap and my husband works 5 ten hour days so I get few breaks.  I have so much on my to-do list that I feel I'm not enjoying my kids or my pregnancy.  I feel like I do try to temper my anger but in that tiny little moment I lose all control and don't even see it coming so I don't know how to stop/prevent it.  Any help/advice/etc...?  Also, forgot to mention it, I babysit another little girl her age and have for about 3 years.  She is extremely easy, helpful and just a great kid.  I was wondering if my daughter might be having a hard time with her here all the time (they go to preschool together, too).  We do usually have one-on-one time when the other two are sleeping, usually for about an hour or so, every day.


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Old 10-10-2013, 08:06 AM
 
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I am interested in what others might suggest for you as well. The only advice I can give you is to try not to feel guilty about it. I know its easier said than done but you are experiencing a lot and your hormones might be playing a big role in the situation. Realize that you are human and make mistakes with plenty more to come. Learn from your mistakes. I also feel overwhelmed by having so much to do and no help and 4 kids to look after and its hard and sometimes I just want to rip my hair out and yes, I yell more than what I'd like and it embarrasses me because I was raised that way and wanted to do so much better for my children. You will have to make some compromises. You'll need to prioritize your priorities in order of importance and let some things go. 


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Old 10-10-2013, 08:58 PM
 
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Aren't hormones fun? And in my house, 4 yr olds are worse that 2 year olds. Its a little known fact they go through that stage again at 4, this time with a large vocabulary. 

 

Sorry, I really know how you feel. Things were getting bad around here and I was so overwhelmed I finally realized I was suffering (again) from prenatal depression and anxiety. I have before. I called my midwife and we started a low dose SSRI. I know that is not the answer for everyone, but it has helped me tremendously. I feel I owe it to my kids to be on an even keel. I tried all the other stuff first but I really needed meds. I was having to put myself in "time out" 4-5 times a day, I was over-reactive and boiling with rage or breaking down into tears.  I didn't want to wait until I *did* hurt one of my kids or made them think I hated them with poisoned words. I knew it wasn't good for my unborn baby to be developing in that environment either. 

 

On top of that, I have tried to reduce what I expect of myself. I delegate responsibilities to DH and my teens where I can. I allow myself to just sit sometimes and rest, get on the computer and let the kids veg with Netflix or the Wii. I figure soggy brains are preferable to spanked bottoms! Mostly kidding, but I seriously have such high standards sometimes of what I want our home to be like that I need frequent reminders that its ok to let a few things go! 


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Old 10-12-2013, 05:37 PM
 
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Wow earthmama4, you are so right I could copy your words and paste them in every room in my house...seriously, I need to remember that.

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Old 11-07-2013, 08:01 AM
 
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All I can say is I am also having a very difficult time with my 4 yo DD.

http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1392640/disconnection-with-4-yr-old-dd

 

I hope that you continue to search for answers and find you way with it as I am with my situation.  The guilt and disconnection is disturbing for me.  I know I love my DD but am saddened it is sometimes just a technicality.


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